Time Flies When You're Having Fun

I know you heard this expression at least once. It's a true expression especially when you're a child. I tried to put myself in their place this week. I've been thinking too much about how nice it would be not to have to worry about anything. I know I'm being foolish. I shouldn't worry at all.

It is extremely difficult to face the doom and gloom of today's world. I really can't see how kids do it. They are so exposed to all the violence and evil that surrounds them on a daily basis. I know that I have problems putting it away from me.

Kids don't understand that their carefree and innocent stage of life won't last....At least some don't. It is hard to explain to some that there is a real world out there with real trees, real grass and a real sun. I'd like to blame the overwhelming influence that technology has on their young lives. It seems that every time you turn around new technology has improved and replaced human beings.

What is a person to do? You enjoy and savor every bit of freedom you have outside the confines of these electronic cages. Yes, they do wonderous things and bring people closer. Yes, you can post your thoughts and they become public instanteously. Yes, I admit that I like having this ability to post my thoughts online and have people read them....but I think we're missing something.

We're missing the human interaction. We're missing the feeling of accomplishment when we finish a task manually. We miss the beauty of a handcrafted item and the joy of creation.

Instead we are left with nothing. How many of us can truly say that time flew by because we were having fun? You can be honest. I can't think of a time myself that I truly had fun.

Starting to Look Up Instead of Down

Yup....I am feeling a little better now than I felt last week. I heard from two musicians that seem promising. I also have almost enough ads for the ad book that I am currently working on for Collingdale History/Patriots Day.

I am only a little bit nervous about the job interview tomorrow. It's for a part time attendance aide position. I only need to keep telling myself that I'll get the job and remain confident. I definitely need it since I got yet another rejection letter for a position that I interviewed for last month. I know my Dad definitely is rooting for me to get it. He knows more than anyone how I'm still struggling to pay my bills.

I know that there is still a long road ahead of me. I also know that I have to keep looking up instead of down. There are so many things I want to do. There are so many things that need to be done to bring small communities back. I can't do it alone. I need to reach out to people and ask them to help me with this vision.

I continue my freelancing work. It gives me a little income and helps businesses get contant for their sites. I just wish I could expand my freelancing and make it more profitable. I wish for steady income. A pipe dream, some would say. I don't know.

I look up. I see God. I know that he is with me. He will always be with me.

Completely and Totally Burnout

I should be happy. I should stop obssessing over the fact that I failed to secure that entertainment. I should be in a stable environment. I should keep pushing and trying to find that elusive job. I should be pushing to get more sponsors for the ad book.

I need to stop thinking and start moving. Yet I feel so burnt out. I know I need to stop complaining and do something. There are people out there that have had it worse than me. They have been able to pull themselves out of the hole and get gainful and necessary employment.

Why am I obsessing over this? Why am I not giving it to God? Do I actually think I can do it myself? What a fool I am!

I have stop obsessing over things that I have no control over. It makes me look like a fool. I did act like a fool tonight...but I felt a release. I'm not alone anymore. I never was alone. Oh, Lord...I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall while time ticks rapidly by. I know three and half years is too long to be in my present state of unemployment. It's warping my whole attitude on life.

I have been underemployed for almost a year now. I should be grateful to be making some money, but I'm nearing the "red zone" with my finances with this recent and very necessary withdrawal.

I'm glad to hear that there is a light at the end of this long and dark tunnel I'm currently residing in. I want to recover from this complete and total burn out. I want to reach out and touch the dreams I have of a place where everyone can learn the lessons of history interactively.

I want to get past this season of burn out and be regenerated to serve the Lord. May I serve him well and not myself.

Claiming My Right To Work

It's been a very rough week for me. I feel like I'm spinning and going around in circles. I am struggling to push through and keep moving. It is hard. I long for work. I long to have stability and a steady paycheck. I know a lot of people are feeling this way. It's not just me.

I need to claim my right to work. I need to have a voice...yet I don't know where to begin or start the process anymore. I am worn out. I am desperate. I only have a few short weeks before it really "hits the fan." I can no longer function.

Is there a light in this tunnel? Is there somebody somewhere that can help me get out of this financial and emotional mess? I know I am not alone. I know that God has a reason for dangling me near this pit of financial despair. I know that God is providing. I have to believe this or cease to exist.

Yes, there is light. Yes, there is someone waiting for me. Yes, there is someone who wants to secure my future. Will I take that chance? Will I claim the rights that some want to abolish? Will I stand up and defend my beliefs? It is scary. I feel like I'm on a tightrope caught in an abyss.

Oh, Lord....You know me. You know what I need now more than ever before. Please guide me and shore me up on these wicked shoals of life. I am your servant. Forgive me for the bitterness that I've held in my heart. Help me to see others as you see them. Help me to find meaningful work that supports me and my family. Let me know the way I should go in Your Will, O, Lord.

You love me. I know that quite well. Yet I still struggle with the overwhelming tide of discouragement and apathy that I see all around me. Lord, I need a job. I need some way to support myself. You know this. Please help me to stop putting myself down.

Going Through Another Rough Patch

The organization I was hoping to work for didn't get back to me. Apparently I'm too desperate. I'm feeling really low right now. I just don't know what to do. This is very difficult for me to deal with and move on. Is the Lord hearing me? Does he know how much I need a job?

Am I still being too picky not wanting to expose my SS number online? A lot of the retailers require this anymore...sigh. Am I being too choosy about where to find a job? I don't know. Lord knows I want and need to work. Yes, I am desperate. It won't be that much longer until my funds are completely wiped out.

I know that there are so many others that are in worse shape than I am. I don't know what to do for them. I feel sick when I think about the future. I can't focus on what's going to happen tomorrow. I can only focus on today's needs. I am again giving it all to the Lord. He knows my needs. He knows my desires and longings. He loves me even when I don't feel it.

I am amazed when I think about all that he is doing for me. Yes, I'm in a very rough patch right now in my life. I don't know where my next footstep will be. All I can be certain of is that God is still providing for me. He brings people to me and loves me with an unconditional love.

I do need meaningful work that will support me and my family. I know that somehow the Lord will provide that work and the monetary needs. I have to believe that I will find that job soon and that this rough patch will break up.

Please be near me, Lord. Help me to find that elusive job and the support I need now for me and my family. I don't know if I can handle anymore of this "floating" and "struggling" to work something out. I need you, Lord.

Moving Forward and Pressing On

I had a better week this week. An opportunity to shine presented itself and I took it. I know that the organization needs me. I need them. I also know that it will be hard for them to pick the right candidate for the job. It is hard to wait and hope that they will see that they need me. I want to believe that they will and that everything will be okay.

I want to move forward with this major project as well. I got energized by the support from the group I joined awhile back. I know that I have to press on, finding support from unexpected places. I can't worry about the troubles around me. I can't worry about the looming crisis ahead of me if something doesn't happen soon. I can't worry about the people around me. I have to press on, leaving everything in God's hands. I got to move forward in his will, not mine. I got to open my eyes to meet the needs and find the resources I need to move forward.

Yes, I do feel that time is pressing. I pray for the Lord's soon coming. I admit that readily. I also pray that I will be ready to meet him face to face. I pray that I can reach the people he has placed in my life with the good news of salvation.

No, I can't stress out that technology seems to be taking over the world. God is in control. He knows his own. He knows when he will come to make all things new. I do look forward anxiously for that day as I pray for strength and courage to face the future. I know that God loves me. I know that he will spare me from his coming wrath. I know that all things are in his hands. I would be the worst of fools to believe that anything happens by chance or sheer luck. God ordains it.

With God's great love and his promises, I can move forward. I can tell others and show them that they don't have to wallow in the slimepit of sin and despair. I will press on with all the strength and courage God gives me. I can't quit. I can't recant. I will stand up.

Am I Just Fooling Myself?

I've had kind of a confusing week this week. I am still struggling with some issues that have come up. Sometimes I feel that I am fooling myself to think that anyone cares about history anymore. Other times I know that there is some interest. I just have to keep pressing.

I definitely feel at a crossroads in my life. There are forces threatening to tear me apart. I think about what I'm trying to accomplish quietly. I wonder if its all worth it. Should I continue to struggle? It's easier just to give in. I must not.

Am I fooling myself? Does anyone at all care? I know they do. I see it in the interaction I receive througn social media. I see it in the faces of my fellow officers. I know that they are tired. I sense that immediately.

I can dream. I wish that my dreams would come true. I don't know. It seems like such a long shot. It's crazy. We just can't do it, I tell myself.