Reflections of the past year

When I think back on this past year, I can't help thinking about all the things I thought I would accomplish but didn't. I know if you are like me, then you probably tell yourself that you are going to do this or that. Yet you don't do it. You get too caught up in the rush of events that you don't take the time to do what really matters to you. Then there is the fact that it takes courage to come out of your comfort zone, and you let things slide until something happens to shake your world.

I have had my share of surprises this past year, but I have also been blessed beyond my comprehension. Getting out of the comfort zone is hard. You expect things to be a certain way, and get irritated when they are not that way. You learn that you need to let go, and let the people around you do the work they need to do. As much as you might like for time to go backwards or at least slow down, you need to accept that it won't.

I recall when it seemed as if time dragged. Now it seems more and more that time is going faster and faster. I guess part of it because I'm getting older. Time doesn't seem as plentiful as it was when I was young. I am still learning to cherish the time I do have, and do the things I say I'm going to do before time runs out.

So, these are my goals for the coming year: To take care of myself more, and stop stressing out about things I can't change. God is in control, and I have to relinquish control. To listen more to others, and stop interfering unless asked to do so. To learn more and be open to new opportunities to learn. To love as Jesus loves. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me for the tasks ahead.

Christmas time-a time for hope and reflection

My thoughts during this time of year often wander towards a small baby in a manager over two thousand years ago. I ponder the miracle of one child whose destiny was to die for us all, and the fact that with his birth he provided a way for us to connect with God in a way that hasn't been done before. My mind gets "blown away" by the fact that God chose to come down to Earth as a baby so that he could bring us back to himself. He didn't have to do that. He could have left us and started over with another creation.

There is hope with God. He came to be near us. He came to redeem us and to free us from the tyranny of sin and death. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (KJV) Life, not death....Oh, why do we focus in on the decay all around us when the Lord says that he has come to bring us life? I think we're afraid to let go. I think we're afraid that he won't do as he promised. Fools! If we could only understand the sacrifice God made to send his Son to die for us, then we would set aside our fears and embrace the message the God gave us when he sent his Son.

The signs are all around us now. We just need to be open to them.

Unusual times and seasons

Often we don't realize the impact of our actions until it is too late. We try to blame others for what we should have known. We can rationalize, and then tell ourselves that we'll do better next time. Really? Who are we kidding? We live in unusual times, times that sometimes try our souls. We are fools to think that there are not consequences for our actions or that we can borrow and spend like there's no tomorrow.

God knows. His timing is perfect. We see his handiwork all around us, and take too much for granted. In this season, we need to reflect on his first coming and the unusual circumstances surrounding his birth. Then we can fully understand the unusual times and seasons we now live in. We can also let go, hard as it is, of the cherished memories of a simpler time.

I realize as I grow older that my destiny is in God's hands. I admittedly still struggle as I recall the many times he walked me through dark valleys. My heart sometimes still aches as I recall the last time I saw my grandmother lying in that coffin. I then think back and praise God for her.

Old and new friends

I sent my annual Christmas letter today. I like to keep in touch with the people I worked with at the various jobs I've held. I know some will probably throw my letter away without reading it. I don't mind that. I understand that for some, it might seem as if I was being too crass talking about myself. I'm guilty. I know some that look forward to my Christmas letter, not many, I grant you,.but some. I use my Christmas letter as a witness of my love for them, and to share God's love with them.

I recall, with some sadness, the two people that I connected with through the letters who died. I thank God that I was able in a small way to witness to them through the letters before they died. I can't dwell too long on the faces of the people that made their mark on my life and died before I could thank them. When I do, I pray for their families who are still dealing with grief and sadness. I thank God that he allowed them to come into my life and enrich it. Will they be like jewels in the crown I throw at the Lord's feet? I don't know. I'm anxious for that time. Will I be worthy? I know I'm not. So I thank God for his grace.

Post holiday reflections of Thanksgiving

Now that I've stuffed myself and enjoyed having the family around me, I can now begin to reflect on what it all means. Being thankful should be an everyday occurrence. It shouldn't be just the one day. Yet often when we go back towards the rush of getting things ready for Christmas, we forget to be thankful. We run out of time. We tell ourselves that we can think about being thankful some other time. Most times we don't really stop and consider all that God has granted us. We take too much for granted. I know. I am that way. I forget what the Lord is doing and what he has done for me.

There are too many things to be thankful for, we often lament or too little. I guess I'm a fool for thinking that we should be thankful for all things. I believe that all things work out for the best, and that's why I'll continue to be thankful every day.

Thanksgiving-a time to give thanks

Thursday is Thanksgiving Day, a day to reflect on all the many blessings in our lives. I am thankful for so many things, such as family and friends. I realize as time goes on that these precious times that we have with our family shouldn't be taken for granted. Instead we need to cherish them and thank God for them. I do thank God. I know that I would be lost without him. Yes, I may complain every once in awhile, wondering why the Lord allows some things to happen. Yes, I may wonder about the things I have no control over....that would be most things. I'm glad God is in control.

When I reflect on the meaning of Thanksgiving, I realize that the key to celebrating Thanksgiving is not the big meal. Many in this country don't have the means to have any Thanksgiving celebration. The key to celebrating Thanksgiving is an open heart to the people around you. This is very hard. I walk past at least 2 or 3 homeless people every day. I would help, but am afraid. You say that I shouldn't be afraid, that I should stand up to my fears. It's difficult. I know what I should do, but I don't do it. I see the Lord's frown every time I pass them by. I want to scream, but hold it in. I tell myself that there is nothing I can do. Have I convinced myself? No....

Reflection of the season

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the colors on the trees and the feeling of the cool air. I love the time of reflection of all the things that come to fruition in the fall. Often I go to the park to watch the kids play in the leaves. I used to love doing that myself. I liked the crunching sound the leaves would make as I walked on them.

Fall can also be a lonely time. You think about all the people and places that you will never see again. You notice that everything seems to be dying around you. Yet there is a beauty to behold in the colors of the dying leaves. There is also a beauty to behold in the life of a person you hold dear.

A New rebirth of an old hurt

It's funny when you try to analyze why it feels as if you are making no headway with your boss. On Friday, he descended on my site and proceeded to tear into me. He's trying, I'm guessing, to impress his new boss. Yet I can't help thinking that he's alienating everyone by his approach. I know that some of you have probably experienced this feeling as well. It's not a good feeling knowing that your boss doesn't seem to trust you to do anything for him. I try not to let his attitude towards me wreck the relationship I have with others. Yet, I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions with no real sense of belonging anywhere.

I learned that I still need to fight the good fight for the others around me. I know what he will say. I've heard it before. I know the risks as well. I'm sure that many of you have also come to that crossroad, where you must make a decision that will color your career and your life from that time forward. Yes, I am scared. It is like a rebirth of an old hurt....a hurt that opened up again when I heard the news about one of the friends I made. I question. Am I any better than she is? No. I know this. I know that the only reason I'm still where I am is that God willed me to be there...and nothing else. If God didn't want me there, he would make a way for me somewhere else.

Election of fools-Time wasted

Today is Election Day. You would think that with this day, I'd be a good citizen and perform my civic duty. You would say that I'm a fool if I didn't perform my civic duty. Maybe I am. Yet I have to believe that I would be a fool if I did. Here's why: not one of the candidates running for office have anything good to say. Not one of the candidates have offered to do anything good. All of them rally against the other person telling us nothing new.

It's crazy! Some would say. You have to do your civic duty or else the country will fall into the wrong hands! They would scream. No, I'm sane. I would like to shout back. I just don't feel right about voting for a cadre of fools screaming at the top of their lungs. Maybe I want to rebel myself by withholding my vote from any of the fools. Maybe I'm looking for some common sense. I don't know. All I do know is that the last time I voted, it was time wasted for the person I hated was voted to the highest level of government.

Time in a bottle

Lately I wondered about how it sometimes seems that we live in our own little world. We hear about other places, other people but with so much information being thrown at us in all different directions it's hard to make sense of it all. Maybe it's the feeling of being saturated with so much information that makes me think about sealing myself away. Yet, spending time in a bottle wouldn't allow me to grow. Instead it would be like I've been sealed away only to be thrown for a loop when the world comes crashing in.

How do we find a balance? I've been trying to wade my way through the morass that constitutes this crazy world we live in. I'm grateful that God is faithful. He sees my struggle and wants me to grow in him. It is scary to be dependent, yet it is the only way to be. I know that sounds like a paradox. God wants us to grow, yet he also wants us to be dependent on him.

What does this have to do with time? You may recall that my first blog focused on this, and that in every blog since I've tried to mention time. I believe that God works in time, and that his timing is perfect. I also believe that we can find that balance and stability that we long for every day. We don't have to long for those alternate realities.

An anniversary of sorts-traveling

I recently helped my little brother celebrate his 5th wedding anniversary. There was no party. Instead I wished him well as he traveled with his wife up to New Hampshire. I got to thinking about another anniversary...one that came suddenly, just as it had two years earlier. That anniversary was a sad one. I can still remember the sick feeling down deep in my gut when I first heard the news. Some of the people I know are still suffering because of what happened that awful day. I've done a lot of traveling since then, both mentally and physically.

It still amazes me how some things stick in your mind after a long period of time, while others fade quickly. I think about the time before this, when the resonance of the "September 11th" mega crisis froze and sickened me. I'm not saying that the images of that horrific day don't haunt my dreams, or freeze me in my tracks. They do, and they always will. Yet this anniversary affected me more personally, than the other one.

Reflections on time

Time passes swiftly for the old, so they say. It seems as if you turn around and the friends you knew have grown old. You remember when things were simple. Yet, the young don't understand. To them, it seems as if time is crawling. I do remember when I felt that way. I would look at the sky and wonder if the situation I was in would ever get better. I still recall the feeling when I first got to Basic Training that it would never end. I saw the future and it looked pretty bleak. Yet, now almost 25 years later, it seems as if a blip in the past.

I don't mourn the passage of time. I learned that I need to be content in whatever situation I find myself in.

Passage of time

Last week I mused about the passage of seasons, and how I love autumn. This week I have to say that all four seasons have something I love about them. I love the summer for its abundant daylight and warmth. I love the autumn for its colorful leaves and the cool breezes. I love the winter for the snow and the beauty of it when it first covers the ground. Autumn did finally come this week bringing rain....too much rain in some parts. Poor Darby! They have come to expect some flooding, but not like what happened last Friday.

Last week I also heard some bad news about one of my cousins, and reflected again on my own life. Selfish, I know...but sometimes it's helpful too. I often wonder at times like this about how my life reflects on others. What will they say about me? I'm hoping that I will have made a difference and that my life reflected the life of my Lord. Yet, the scary part is that too many times I take the selfish way out. I reflect only on myself, forgetting others and soon that passage of time creeps up and I'm left with nothing to show for my life. I can't really say anything about my cousin who died, as I barely knew him at all.

Waiting for fall

The first day of fall felt like summer. Even with the rain, it felt like a steam bath. I guess it's good in one way---sweating off the pounds. Yes, I still think about that and wonder why it is now so hard to lose the extra pounds. I know I have to stop obsessing about it. Yet most of the advertising time spent is spent on exercise machines (I call them torture machines) and diet products. I cringe when I think of all the time and money spent to try to get thinner. Some of it is good. We all do need to be more aware of our food intake...what we're putting in our bodies. This is especially true when you discover that most of our eggs, poultry and other food products come from unsanitary conditions. (At least that's what you hear from those who know.)

Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the colorful leaves, the nice cool breezes and the smell of burning leaves. I still recall the time I went to a bonfire the community was having to celebrate. I wanted to bring marshmallows, but chickened out at the last minute. There is nothing to compare to listening to the fire crackle and feeling its warmth touch your face.

Materialism-Do we make time for God?

I went on vacation last week to a place that prides itself on holding onto the past. In the downtown area, there are signs everywhere that the people want to make changes. We are a nation that forever likes to live in the moment, forgetting the past and foraging into the future. Yet we feel a pull to go back to those simple times. Our past has a lot to teach us. It can't define us. We can't be so focused on living or trying to live in a past that we have no part of living.

Hence the struggle...a big part of that past is what we really need to bring back to life. We forgot God to our drive to gather more stuff to satisfy the huge hole in our lives. We look for the next best thing, little realizing that we forgot the very one that gave us our being. I noticed the churches that peppered the area and mourned. Not even the website for the place mentions the presence of these churches. Where has our faith gone? Have we given up on God?

I long for the days, seems like a lifetime ago, when the churches were alive and growing with people. I still remember the days after that horrific day in September 2001 when a mini revival started. What happened? Has time washed away the revival?

Fears relieved or Faith emboldened

My sister and her husband made it home safely from Bermuda. The big scary hurricane heading our way averted the shoreline and made its way out to sea. I thank God for his mercies that are new every morning. I'm now planning another trip myself. I felt it this morning as I struggled to work...that need to get away and relax for a time. I will have a lot to think about and mull over during this time away. I know that I need to let go of my fears for the future. I need to believe that God is in control. Yet, this is hard to do. I let myself get carried away by my worries. I have to stop that. I have to let God be God. If I don't, then it's like giving up or even worse...rejecting God.

I long for the day that I will meet God. I hope that he will say to me...

"Come into your own, thou good and faithful servant."

I know I don't deserve anything from God. None of us do. I marvel though at his grace towards us. His sacrifice for me leaves me breathless. I know that my faith is weak, yet I also know that he uses the weak.

A fearful reality or dreams gone bad

I know it's a sin. Yet I do it all the time. I recall what the word says and am comforted in knowing that I'm not the only one. You may do it as well, even though it doesn't do any good to do it. You're probably wondering what I'm talking about by now. It's worry. I let my fears get the best of me, carry me away and scare me. Right now I'm worrying about my sister and her husband. They went to Bermuda on Saturday when Hurricane Danielle was churning towards that area on a cruise ship no less! I tell myself that they are having the time of their lives and that it will be a very memorable experience. Yet the fearful reality is that they're on a cruise ship in rough seas...yikes!

Then I worry about finances. I'm guessing that a lot of people are. I should be content that the Lord is providing for me, yet I see so many people out in the streets. Their dreams have gone bad. It frightens me, as I realize that I could very well end up like that. I thank God daily for what he's provided for me. I know I don't deserve half of it.

Reflections and memories

How often do we reflect on the things that matter most? For some of us, it's almost never. We take things too much for granted. I know I have done that. We can say that we forget too easily the way or that we ignore what is right in front of us. That's not good. Ignoring what's in front of us can make us blind to what's just around the corner. Maybe that's our lot though...to be blind. Yet, I can't help thinking that it doesn't have to be that way. We do have someone in our corner that can lead us.

We remember him, and reflect on the words he spoke through his word. How? In our daily struggle, we should stop to reflect and remember his promises to us. They are marvelous promises, given to us to sustain us through this world. I often think about the promise that one day all things will become new. Some days I wish for it to happen soon. Other days I realize that he has perfect timing and that he's waiting for those he called to come to him.

A Summer Wish

Seems like only yesterday I lazed around dreaming about my future. I still recall the lazy summer days spent dreaming, walking and thinking about life. I didn't know then about the world and all its troubles. My mind was free. I was a child. Being with my little niece, Aydia, awakened those feelings in me. She is so young, and the world is a free and friendly place to her. She doesn't know about all that is waiting in the wings to drag her away from that carefree existence.

Like the slow, relentless beat of the drum, summer wears on and soon passes. For some of us, the ending of summer means a new chapter in life. Aydia is experiencing that new chapter now and it's a good thing. Yet, sometimes I long for time to stop. It seems that it goes way too fast. I hardly have time to take it all in.

New Beginnings and Partings

Recently I noticed more and more that I seem to be growing out of the person I was and into a new person. I'm a lot more outgoing and open than I used to be. Yet I still feel that tug of wanting to hide myself away. I don't want to part with that quiet, shy person I once was. I hate the changes I'm going through now. I know they are a necessary part of life. I also know what many say about this period of change. I can't stagnate and stay in the past. Yet sometimes that's exactly what I want to do. I look at my older brother. He has withdrawn more and more into himself every year. He lives in the past, wishing that everything would turn back to that simpler time.

Sometimes I do wish that things would remain the same...that no one would leave for "greener" pastures. I'm sure we all dream that things would at least slow down. Changes happen at too great a speed. It makes my head spin. They tell me change is good. Growth is good. You should look forward to new beginnings. I do. I look forward to the time when all things will be new again and I will see my Lord face to face. Yet I'm also scared. I know that I haven't been the best servant. I freeze and look the other way when I know I can't do anything to help. I ignore the cries of the homeless and hungry. I admit that freely, and that's what scares me. I fear that because I do that, that the Lord will turn away from me. That would shatter me....and break my heart. Then I remember that he promised never to leave me.

Summer time

It seems like the hot and humid weather will be here forever. I suffer through this weather, hoping for a change of seasons. I love the crisp, cool air of autumn and the colorful leaves. Yet, summer does have some merit. It's the time I usually try to make a trip to the beach and wade along the seashore. When it gets too hot, my feet burn and there are no cool breezes to comfort me.

I like the spring too with the colorful flowers. All too soon, the summer zaps my will to embrace time. I still recall the years I relished summer. It was three full months of doing nothing but study the world around me. I'd go on small adventures around the neighborhood, catch fireflies and play games with the other kids. I wonder now where that time went. I do cherish those childhood memories.

God's perfect timing

Often reflecting on the marvelous way God provides for my every need, I rejoice to know that he is in control. Some days are worse than others, as I have to remind myself that I, thankfully, am not in control. Other days I marvel at his perfect timing. I know that many times I wallow in self-pity and doubt. I wonder why things happen. Sometimes I even wish for a change. Yet when it happens, I freak out.

I am grateful for the unchanging God who loves me so much that he would send his son to die for me. It is still hard sometimes to wrap my mind around such love. I know I don't deserve it. I harbor hate for some who have done me wrong. Yet when I let go of that hate, I realize a whole new world.

Tales Untold

It was a rough week for me this past week. I thought about the life that was snuffed out and the tale that would be left untold. I wondered what, if anything, anyone would remember about the life that was lived. Would her children keep her memory alive? Or would the passage of time erase all memory of her existence? She was next to the youngest of six children....a very young 59 years old. She had 3 children and 3 marriages. Some would say that her tale has been told, and that it was a very sad tale indeed. Yet I often wonder at times like these what others would say about me. Selfish, I know....but I would not like to die without my tale being told.

It stuck me that I notice the similarities in a tale now being told for a young woman whose children were sired by 3 different fathers. What must their life be like? I noticed the words that were thrown around about my aunt's children....words like immoral and corrupt. Is that that unborn baby boy's lot? Will he become a criminal or can he be saved? How about those now adult children of my aunt's?

It will be a rough road. There is no turning back....for this tale must be told...for this tale must be told.

Star Spangled Banner

I've been thinking a lot about this song. Visiting Baltimore, the place where this song was written probably triggered it. Then I sang it at least a half dozen times during the past week or so. It was enlightening to know that the flag that flew over Fort McHenry was created by five women, one of them was considered an indentured servant. What was even more enlightening, I thought was the timing of it all. Consider for a moment what would have happened if the armada had been able to breach the channel or if the land forces had been unsuccessful in their efforts. There had been every indication at the time that the prospects of being able to succeed were slim. The capitol of the free world didn't survive the onslaught of British troops and Washington D.C. burned. Yet, in midst of that dismaying news, it was decided to create a huge flag that would send a signal to the British that the people wouldn't give up.

I'm reminded that I can't give up either, not when I can make a difference. Right now, it does seem as if our country is heading down a deep, dark hole. Yet, I know God's timing is right. I know I have to trust him.

Ride from Hell or No exit

I know you have been there, if you ride public transportation like I do. You know how it is. The driver doesn't know where he/she is going. The bus or other means of transportation is too crowded and noisy. Then there is the smell! Oh my! It's enough to make you cry out for mercy.

This is my doom for the next two months or so....riding a stinky bus. I guess I shouldn't complain. It could be worse. I could be stranded. That's a scary thought. I should be grateful for everything, shouldn't I?

Yet, at times like this, I often wish that time would speed up and I didn't have to ride this stinky bus every day. As you can probably tell, I'm not a very patient person. I'm actually kind of spoiled. I like to have things a certain way and am rattled when they aren't.

Another year older

I celebrated a birthday last Thursday. I won't say how old I am. I'll just say that time has passed me by all too quickly. Some days I wish to be young again, and not have the responsibilities I now have. Other times I am content to be the age I am. They often say that with age comes wisdom. I don't believe that. A person can be young and wise, and then old and foolish.

I've been thinking a lot about worth and submission. I know that worth is in the eye of the beholder. You can't earn someone's respect when you're not willing to look past the feeling of unworthiness that washes over you. You have to submit to those above you, even when you feel that they are babbling nonsense.

Feeling trapped and treading water, she tried to make sense of it all.

Changes in time and place

Too many changes are taking place. They talk about bringing people in, but their actions prove otherwise. Who are these faceless people? They are those that talk of synergy and complacency: yet they don't practice themselves. All around the changes, none of them good, are happening. Are we all to be sucked in and not rally against the compacting of lives?

I often wonder what those who are in charge are thinking. They don't seem to care what's happening below them. They arbitrarily decide to radically change everything without any thought to what those changes will do. Yet, if they did take the time...maybe they would realize the impression they are creating...an impression that leaves me sick to my stomach. There seems to be nothing I can do about these changes. I can buck all I want, but it won't do any good. All I am left with is a sense of loss.

Did they expect everyone to fall in step and rally around them? Oh, Lord...I can't do that. I see too clearly what the next steps are down that slippery slope. I don't want to go there. I can't go there.

Time out

I need a time out. Everything seems to be going way too fast for me. Yes, I sometimes encourage this. Time drags. I feel useless and utterly spent trying to please everyone. It's an impossible task. As much as I would like to, there is only so much I can do. I need to stop complaining and start doing. Yes, I do feel the pressure. I see the pictures of death and destruction. I mourn for the many that have lost their lives.

I need a time out. Time to reflect about all that has happened, and the way our country is heading. It is scary. None of us likes being controlled by big government. Those that say they do are only fooling themselves into accepting what they feel they can't change.

I need a time out. Scary things are happening right and left. I can't process it. My mind feels numb. Is God still here? Yes. He is. I can rest on his unfailing love.

Vacation blues

I get so frustrated at times. It seems as if I'm not meant to go on vacation. Just today, someone complained that I put in time before she did. Then she proceeded to plead for the time off! I felt like telling her off, but that's not the Christian thing to do. It's so hard to satisfy everyone. Can't they see what they're doing to me? I wish I could clone myself, and then be able to work and take vacation at the same time. Some people do that. They get all wrapped up in their work that they forget everything else. I can't be like that. I need that time off. I deserve it. At least this is what I keep telling myself as the roadblocks keep piling up in front of me. I can't help it if someone calls out sick....but I can pray that it doesn't happen. Then there are those that feel that they're privileged or something....so they can say that they'll take off at the drop of a hat. It makes me very angry. Why does everyone assume that they can take advantage of me?

I am, I guess, too willing to help. I have to put my foot down. That's it. I can't let everyone walk all over me. It's not being a true leader, is it? No, my employees have to learn some respect, and realize that I can only do so much. It's times like this that I wish for something better, yet I am still learning to have a servant's heart.

Vacation time

Wow! I get nervous when I consider all the things that can go wrong. First it is finding the perfect place to stay. Then it is finding a way to get there. Maybe this is all the same. Yet I realize that I'm obsessing over things. I should step back. No, I have to take the risk. Isn't that what we all do when we start planning for that time off?

The last time I went on vacation anywhere, I got an unpleasant surprise when I got home. I guess the worst thing, and this did happen, is to be told that you are being laid off. I still recall the sick feeling when that news hit. I almost wished I hadn't gone away then.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't stuck feeling like if I take some time off, that I have to justify it somehow. Other times I recall the good times I had while on vacation. I wouldn't miss those times or wish they never happened.

Revelations on time

Often these days we discover that our world is dangerously close to dying. We wonder as we ponder the latest crisis what we can do about any of it. The answer is revealed in the Bible. We must realize that God is in control. There is nothing we can do about anything. We must wait and hope for the best. God's timing is perfect.

How many of us believe this? Can we be honest and say that we don't? Yet, in the end it all comes down to what we believe and in turn cling to with all that is within us. A crisis can come in an instant of time. Will we be a fearful and frightened people or will we trust God? He reveals the times ahead if only we listen and heed the warnings.

Time to move on

I've been thinking a lot about how blessed we are here in the United States. There is so much we take for granted that others long for. This past year has shown me that truth. It is only when we have our eyes open to what could happen that we truly can move on and accept what is. I've been hurt. I think everyone has at one time or another. It's what we do with what we've been given that matters.

We are all responsible for how we use our time. We can moan about our circumstances and hope for a brighter day. We can wish that God would take us home. Then we would have to think about how the people we left behind will preceive our time here on Earth. Will we have made a difference in anyone's life? Or will we be forgotten as they move on. I want to use my time wisely, yet feel as we all do, pulled in so many different directions.

Time's end

Time passes too quickly. You imagine for a moment that you have control, but then realize that you don't. Time, some say, is like a flowing stream. Quickly it passes you by. You wonder where the time has gone. Sometimes you wish that you could stop time. You see your loved ones growing older. Time robs everyone of their youth.

Too much information...not enough time to process it all. Your mistakes haunt you. You want to weep, but you can't. Time won't let you. You are a servant and prisoner of time.

Volcano-a blast in the past

Seeing that volcanic ash caused a chill to go up and down my spine. How foolish we are to think that we have any control over anything! Yet we still do clamor for it. We say that we'll figure a way out ourselves. We try to blame each other for what's happening. We don't understand why we can't have things our own way.

Do we see God in this? Yes. He is listening, even when it seems as if we're heading down a long, dark tunnel. Is there something to be learned here? Yes. There is...and that is that we need to be grateful for all the things God has blessed us with...and that we need to redeem time.

More end time reflections

I'm not surprised that he cancelled the National Day of Prayer. I do fear for our nation. God has us in his crosshairs. The only reason we've been spared thus far is that he has promised to save those who come to him from his wrath.

Unfortunately this has been coming for a long time. I know. I felt ever since I was a child that my generation....that is everyone born in 1960-1969...was somehow marked as what some would consider the "end-times" generation. This means that the anti-christ would be my contemporary. The signs are all there:

1) The year the anti-christ would be born would be marked as one where there would be a complete and total break from the Judeo Christian heritage that you and your contemporaries grew up. (This is not to say that Mr. Obama is...but some of his policies have that feel to it)

2)The 1960's were marked by a break with everything...and with no foundation...everything fell apart.

I do fear that we need to be prepared for:

More restrictions on a number of things
More hatred towards Christians
God's wrath in the form of more natural disasters

Yet, we must hold out hope. The Lord will sustain us, and take us home to be with him.

Do you remember the bonus question on the Easter quiz? Luke 23:28-29 But Jesus turning unto them said: "Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves,and for your children. For the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.(KJV) I believe that those days are coming upon us now. So I weep for my niece Aydia, and for all those that are with child. It is not going to be pleasant for those who decide to stand up against the evil forces.

Anti-Christ reflections

More and more the times grow dark. You realize with each breath that you seem to be living on borrowed time. You long for a time that isn't there anymore. You feel tired and a bit overwhelmed by the forces that threaten to take your very soul away if they could. Everyone tells you that you should have known. You didn't. You wanted to ignore the signs, and pretend that everything was normal. It wasn't, and it never will be.

Are you a prophet? No...but the visions come anyway. They talk of an oppressive government that threatens to suck the life out of you. You want to scream. You don't. What good will it do? They call him Messiah, and seemingly worship him. He promises good things and tells everyone to follow him. He says everyone who opposes him are fools. "Why wouldn't everyone want these good things?" he asks with a hint of sarcasm. Yet they don't understand the enormous cost they will to pay. A cost that will enslave a whole world...

They called him "Messiah" because he promised to bring them out and make them whole. He wore a black man's face and smile that told Cassandra that his promises would soon prove to be false. Even now, his words stabbed Cassandra's conscious being with a force that she never reckoned with in her short forty-five year existence. She was afraid of what he could do.

His eyes seem to meet hers, even though he was a thousand miles away and his image was being projected on a television screen. Cassandra shivered, noting that he condemned her as well. Images flooded her soul at the prospect of what would now happen to her. Would he decide to end her life? At this moment, Cassandra felt a resistance to that thought. She didn't want to die, but knew that most thought that she deserved to die for her part in what transpired. He had to fulfill his promise to punish those that had been involved, even though in her case, it was a very limited involvement.

Easter reflections

What do we usually think about during this time of year? My thoughts wander more readily to the sacrifice the Lord made for us. I realize that he didn't have to do anything. He could have stayed in Heaven, forgot about us and let us drift away. If we were honest with ourselves, we would admit that sometimes we think that he has. It isn't true. He holds us in his arms and waits for us to notice him. I admittedly struggle with the concept of sacrifice. I wonder why. I see in my mind's eye the images of the Lord hanging on that cross. He did his father's will. How many of us can say the same?

Most, if they would admit to themselves, focus more on the pagan aspects of the celebration of Easter. It's hard to fathom what the Lord went through during those hours. Yet we also know that if he hadn't, then we would all be lost.

A time to be born, a time to die

I treasure the time I have to reflect on the wonders of life. New life is precious. You see a smiling newborn, and realize that this new life rejoices in its newness. It is a renewel. A time to reflect on the preciousness of life.

I realize this in the midst of a season where death seems to hover over us. I reflect on the Lord's sacrifice. I ponder how he could love me so much to die in my place.

I long for the time to see Christ in all his glory. Yet I know that I am needed down here.

Just like the flowers, I bloom in the sunlight of his love. Lord, thank you for that great love. Sometimes it's so hard to be thankful. The world tears you down, making you think that nothing is worthwhile or that you're worthless. You, O Lord, make me feel worthy. You bless me daily with the friends I see, my family and the challenges I face.

God's time

Often I wonder about what it would be like not to have to worry all the time about the things I can't do anything about at all. It's funny how often things seem to grow all out of proportion. You think that you can control it. Yet you can't. Once you let go, it all falls into place. I have been thinking lately about how I'm spending my time. I try to box it, but it doesn't seem to stay in one place. I try to regulate it...portion it out so that each second has some meaning or purpose. It doesn't work. I try to pretend that it's not passing or that my puny efforts will make it stop. I then recall a story I read in the bible about the sun standing still for six hours. I have to stand back then and realize that God has a plan for me and my life. So I have to stop worrying. That's easier said than done....and goes back to the first sentence of this blog.

Can you picture what it would be like? I imagine God smiling at me, encouraging me to let go and let him rule in my life.

End Times

More and more lately I feel that we're definitely in the period of time commonly referred to as the "End Times." I feel anxious at times, knowing that there are so many that don't know the Lord as their Savior. Yet, I also know...and have had it re-enforced in the past week or so...that everything is in God's hands. I'm thankful that this is so. I then realize as I look around, how blessed I am.

I recall even now the "Footprints" poem that is posted on my refrigerator. How true it is! God's timing is not ours. I walk along the beach, noting the hotels in the horizon and wonder at God's provision for me. I know I'm unworthy of his love. He gives it freely.

Reflection time

Often you come across someone you know and wonder what time has done to them. You realize quickly that you can't predict the events that will shape your personality. You might think you can. Sometimes you ponder what avenues you could have taken in life. Looking at the person before you, it appears as if you could have done something. Your mind wanders. You can't ask that person. You just have to listen and pick up the nuances that sometimes jump out at you.

I had one of those weeks, when I realized that time passes by far too swiftly for me to even ponder the consequences of any actions I may have taken. I'm coming towards that time, recalling the year that I've spent in limbo. I can be grateful for the experience. Yet, somehow I still feel disconnected.

Quiet Reflections on time

Last week I realized that there are times when we can't predict what's going to happen. We try to fight the forces that seem to drag us down. Yet those are the times when we need to step back and re-evaluate how we are spending time. As this blog suggests, we often do fight time. We fight it when we decide that we're going to try to bend time to our will, little realizing that we can't do that.

Then there are times when we capture the innocence of a small black dog enjoying the snow. If we only take the time to savor those times, then we'll be better for it.

Snow Time

I marvel at God's providence. He shows us daily that he is in control. How hard I struggle to realize that simple fact. I complain about things I can't do anything about, and don't speak up about things I can.

I marvel at God's timing. He knows the exact time, and his time is perfect. How often we struggle against this time. We want something when we want it. We don't realize that our time is not his time. We fight when we should relinquish control.

Time warriors unite

Thoughts about all she would do echoed in her head. She knew from the time she was small that the Lord had somehow separated her for the task that lay before her. Would she be able to do it? She learned so much, but one of the hardest lessons was trying to let go of things she couldn't change. She felt lost. She had a gift. She didn't know what to do with it.

This lighthouse, now hidden from view, reflected her struggle. She wondered what happened that this lighthouse would stand in such a secluded place. Was the Lord trying to tell her something with the placement of this lonely, out of place lighthouse?

Maybe she would need to fight the forces that threatened to overwhelm her. She knew her destiny as a time warrior. It was that task, that duty that sometimes frightened her. "Let go, Caesarea...let go..."

Time to stop

Yes, I believe. That's what I sometime tell myself when I think about all the things that have transpired. Sometimes I just don't want to think. I sit here listening to some old music that I recorded, and thank God for everything. I know it's time to stop beating myself up, time to take charge and not listen to the people around me...telling me that I can't do this. I want to scream at times.

Here is this week's installment of Tara's story....taken from my own experiences.
"Keep your eyes open and your mouth closed, Tara. Keep me posted," her boss wrote in an e-mail. It was good advice. Tara knew that things would be rocky after year's end when the multi-national corporation officially took over and absorbed the company she'd been contracted out to perform services. She now noticed the anxious looks the company employees showed as they went about their daily tasks. The serenity she'd known before the news hit evaporated. Her company contact paid her a visit a week before Thanksgiving with his own anxieties about his position now that his company had been acquired by the multi-national corporation. She tried to reassure him, by telling him what happened to the company she worked for. His reaction didn't surprise her, for she sensed that this acquisition would go a lot rougher than the one her company went through a year and half ago.

After Thanksgiving, Tara, Tony and Ken had their hands full dealing with the sheer volume of work that flowed in their direction. Tara understood what this meant, and wept inwardly for the death of a company that had grown so much over the past twenty five years. Tamin issued directives that had everyone upset and angry. Despite promises that no one would lose their jobs, pink slips were sent out in the crassest way possible---via e-mail. Those that were sent the pink slips would automatically be escorted out of the building, unable to even pack their personal belongings. Tara mourned with those that were left behind. It seemed as if overnight offices became empty shells.

Christmas was a solemn holiday. Instead of the usual joy and good will, Tara noticed a sense of dread and despair. More bad news came daily. Ken reported that he was barraged with questions from upset employees.

Crisis Mode

Watching the changing autumn landscape out her window, Tara couldn't help but think about how everything was dying. She felt bereft and weepy. Her two subordinates, Tony and Ken, noticed her melancholy mood. Tara knew that she had to be strong for them and do the research required to confirm her fears. So she did.


Tamin Hamid was the president of the multi-national corporation that bought out the company she was currently contracted out to perform services. His friendly face belied the cold hard facts stated on the website, and gave her a sick feeling down deep in the pit of her stomach. Why wasn't anyone reining in this corporation? Their acquisitions astounded her. They meant to have a "corner" in every aspect of data management!


Tara didn't know how much of this information was out there for public perusal and how much had been kept from prying eyes. She wanted to forget the images that flooded her mind when she perused the web pages. The evidence, however, was right in front of her. Bertha didn't want to believe her. Tara couldn't blame her for that. She didn't want to believe it either. Again, like the dutiful employee, she informed her boss about what she discovered. He confirmed to her that their company was also somehow controlled by that multi-national corporation. This made Tara's skin crawl. How much of her personal information was out there for them to manipulate? What could they do to her if she decided to present this evidence? Tara shuddered to think of the power Tamin Hamid welded.

More next week....

More Random thoughts and story ideas

I decided to start posting story ideas on this blog. Every Tuesday you can come here and I'll write something about the stories I'm currently working on.

Today's blog starts with:

Tara's story....

She heard the news on Wednesday. At first, she thought it was only a rumor that would quickly pass. She discounted it, telling herself that it wasn't true. Then she saw confirmation on the company's website the following day. Tara wanted to cry.

Bertha was optimistic. Dave and Sondra assured everyone that no one would lose their jobs. Tara watched and listened for the various updates. Her heart sank with each new one. Bertha wanted to shrug off the dire warnings that came with these updates. Tara couldn't. She feared that her services would no longer be needed with the "new" corporation. She told her boss, Fred, about what was happening. He seemed non chalant about the whole situation. His advice to her was to "hang on."

More to come next week...

A New Year

It seems the older you get, the more time seems to speed by you. One minute you're in your twenties, the next in your thirties and the minute after that you're in your forties. Not that I'm complaining, mind you...I find that whatever decade I'm in...it's the perfect decade for me.

When I first started this blog on December 8th, my main purpose was actually to get my thoughts on time in one place. I've always been fascinated by time. My favorite movies deal with time in one way or another. As you can probably tell, this is a very informal blog. There is no pattern....yet in some ways there is.

I do believe that there are patterns or "strings" attached to each time line. I guess that's due to my own experiences. I still can recall the first time I felt like I was "out of time" when I mentioned something about not experiencing Apollo 13...actually not even knowing about it until the movie came out. I do recall, however, reading that NASA had decided not to name any of the vessels...13....or to skip that number due to suspicions about it. It's not so far fetched as it may seem. A lot of older building used to skip that number when they named their floors.