New Beginnings and Partings

Recently I noticed more and more that I seem to be growing out of the person I was and into a new person. I'm a lot more outgoing and open than I used to be. Yet I still feel that tug of wanting to hide myself away. I don't want to part with that quiet, shy person I once was. I hate the changes I'm going through now. I know they are a necessary part of life. I also know what many say about this period of change. I can't stagnate and stay in the past. Yet sometimes that's exactly what I want to do. I look at my older brother. He has withdrawn more and more into himself every year. He lives in the past, wishing that everything would turn back to that simpler time.

Sometimes I do wish that things would remain the same...that no one would leave for "greener" pastures. I'm sure we all dream that things would at least slow down. Changes happen at too great a speed. It makes my head spin. They tell me change is good. Growth is good. You should look forward to new beginnings. I do. I look forward to the time when all things will be new again and I will see my Lord face to face. Yet I'm also scared. I know that I haven't been the best servant. I freeze and look the other way when I know I can't do anything to help. I ignore the cries of the homeless and hungry. I admit that freely, and that's what scares me. I fear that because I do that, that the Lord will turn away from me. That would shatter me....and break my heart. Then I remember that he promised never to leave me.