The Importance of Church and Being with Your Church Family

This has been percolating in the back of my mind for a while now. It came to the forefront when I was confronted by a member of my family while on a few days vacation. She wondered why I kept insisting on going to church. She couldn't understand why it was important to me that I attend church. At the time I really couldn't explain the urge to be in God's house or why I felt drained when I couldn't go.

She came up with two excuses about why she and the other members of the family don't attend church while on vacation. Both excuses really didn't address the real reasons for not attending church. Instead, the excuses made me sad. I couldn't help but think that many people give the same excuses for not attending. I do think that there has to be a very good reason why you can't attend church to skip it. Maybe I am old school here, but it has been drilled in me that I need to be in God's house on Sunday morning. The only good reason for not being there is that you are very ill. Yet I did find myself missing church because there was no church in walking distance from where I was staying. It did frustrate me but also drove home a point.

Why is going to church important? Is it to fellowship with other believers? Yes. Having fellowship with believers is an important component to growth. It is not the only thing and shouldn't be the first thing. I know that some people believe that church can go on anywhere. They like to quote the bible verse that says when two or more people meet that Jesus is in the midst of them. Yes, Jesus resides in the heart of believers. The problem is that there is a lack of discipline with this type of thinking. People that only depend on what they hear from random sources often lack direction.

A local Bible-believing church is a precious commodity. It provides an anchor in the midst of life's storms. You may see it as only a church building but it is so much more. Your local church provides concrete support in many ways. A good church establishes itself as part of the community at large and has many opportunities for its members to show Christ's love to others. It creates a stable environment where you can get close and learn more about Jesus. That knowledge is why I choose to attend church every Sunday. I long to get close and learn more about my Lord and Savior.

It does sadden me to see so many churches closing their doors. Their ministry has weakened and they lost their "saltiness" to the world. I strive in my own way to embrace the local church and support its ministry.

Headaches and Heartaches-The Gift That Keeps on Giving

I've been overwhelmed and a bit lost lately. I wish someone would have a book on how to deal with assets and liabilities after someone dies. It is extremely difficult to focus on stuff that I know I need to deal with now. Anyone who has been following this blog religiously knows that I've just come out of a tremendous financial crisis and have been struggling for a very long time to find sustainable work.

The fact is that although I'm in better shape than I  was two months ago when I was on the brink of financial ruin, I'm still far from okay. Dealing with the stress of having to find sustainable work while juggling other important responsibilities is no fun. Yes, I know. People are literally screaming at me to do something. I'm trying. Some days I feel like I'm being literally torn apart. The grief counselors say this is normal. I don't feel normal. I feel like running away and forgetting everything.

I know what I want. I want stability. Unstable environments make me queasy. Admittedly right now I'm scared. The heartache of losing the stable presence of my parents has rocked my world. My head is hurting from the many tasks that I've let go and have been pressured to complete. Some have even threatened me with a future monetary loss. I can't deal with this now. I need to step back and make rational decisions about what my new normal will look like and how I will move forward in my life.

I do know that God's got my back. He has been with me all along helping me in ways that I'm only now beginning to realize. Yes, some days I am anxious about what's next for me. The longing for a stable position grows daily. I also know that God's timing is perfect. I do need to wait for his direction and not go off "half-cocked." His gift of salvation is the gift that keeps on giving long after we leave this world. I still question the reasons why he allowed my father to suffer as he did, yet released my mother after a week's time.

I know that he questioned it too. I know that he didn't want to be confined to that hospital bed. He was hoping against hope that he would get better. I knew though that he wouldn't. It was a heartache I lived with for months. Now I can say goodbye knowing that I will see him again.

A Journey No one Wants To Take: Recovering From Loss

I've been noticing lately that many older people are rapidly dying off. It is almost like an epidemic. I heard of two recent deaths in the past two weeks alone. Maybe I'm super sensitive now that both my parents are gone. I don't have that support to reign me in any longer. I can't see my way past this loss. It is a journey I didn't want to take.

Yes, the experts say that the great loss I recently experienced will take time to recover from and move on. My head knows that I do need to move on. My heart though still wants to dwell in the place where my parents were still alive and relatively healthy. I think a part of me longs to rid myself of the horrible images that keep popping up. I can't seem to get rid of them.

I try now to recall the healthy pictures. Right now there is still too much pain. I do want to get past the images of my father being carried out of the house more dead than alive. I also want to free myself from the image of my mother in that hospital bed unresponsive. I can't. The more I try the more these images haunt me.

I imagine that many people have horrible images to banish. It is probably only a few privileged souls that have the luxury of not having to see the consequences of sin. Yes, that's right. I said it. The suffering that I saw with both parents is a result of sin. The blessed ones are the ones that go quickly and quietly. The image is of someone closing their eyes to sleep and never waking up. It is probably the one type of death that we all want if we're honest with ourselves. Yet there are only a few that I know of that had that type of death.

We all tell ourselves that we're in control. We're not. We don't get to choose the death we experience or the way someone we love dies. My father died a slow and painful death. My mother died relatively quickly but no less painfully.

I don't know which one I'd prefer. We don't get to choose. God knows when and where he will call us home.

A Requiem For My Mother

Reading back at the last post, I didn't realize that I hadn't mentioned anything about my mother. I guess I was too much in shock at the time. It did happen so fast without any real time to reflect. Even now my mind still goes back to the last time I saw her alive and moving around. I scratched her nose because it was itching when the doctor left.

I guess I didn't realize or maybe I did but my mind couldn't accept it that it would be the very last time I would get to talk to her and have her respond to me. I know now that she never really adjusted to my father's death. She was very depressed and had no real interest in life. She lamented the fact that she couldn't get out like I could.

If I were honest with myself, I would also have to admit that she was really never the same after she fell and broke her hip back in 2012. The doctors didn't replace her hip right as one leg was definitely shorter than the other by a big margin. I think I only realized this when I was in the emergency room with her that last time. Knowing this now, I realize even more how really strong she was to put up with it for so long. I also realize that I probably would have broken down much sooner and been in a wheelchair. My mom was a real "trooper." She managed to climb the stairs every day and walk to the kitchen. She was highly mobile. I really never had to worry about her.

I do have a lot of my mother in me. My mother's sisters have often confused me for her when I answer the phone. Well, I can't change my voice. I can, however, use it to glorify God. I have my mother's patience and wisdom. I am learning that I do have to be patient and wait on the Lord.

My thoughts are still all a jumble as I recall the times that she expressed her concern for my well-being. I am going to miss that most of all. It was nice to have someone to come home to and to talk to in the evening. My mom was a good listener. She also had a lot to say. She was an anchor and now I do feel a bit lost. I know she loved me.

Love does trump fear.

Still Trying To Process The Radical Changes in My Life

The last time I wrote in this blog I was lamenting the fact that my temporary assignment was over before I had a chance to finish it. The temporary agency called me not long after I wrote the blog to tell me that the organization still needed me. I was really grateful even though my cell phone was sacrificed after being soaked through with the rain. I was extremely fortunate that I still had my Dad's old cell phone. The phone company was able to transfer my number to his phone. Those two days that I was without a phone were brutal.

I'm working at this temporary job until the end of the month when hopefully I'll have something else lined up. I really do need sustainable work to make any radical changes and feel good about them. I am still trying to process some changes that happened over the past week. The pain is still too raw to process it online. There is a feeling of being so overwhelmed by it all.

I lean on the Lord. I know that he has my best interest at heart. I am learning daily to trust him in everything. These changes are scary. I admit that freely. Some days I do wish I could just get away from it all. Right now though I need to stay the course. I can't give up or give in to the fears and doubts that threaten to unsettle me. I can have peace.

Finding Time to Write and Think

I got a temporary job. It is mostly staring at a screen and inputting numbers. I like the fact that I will be getting some much-needed funds. I know that it is not sustainable for the long term. I do need something more sustainable. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.

Finding time to write has been a challenge for me. The work I'm doing is mindless, but I find I do have to concentrate.

I started this blog last week when I had the temporary job. The work is now finished, not to my satisfaction but they haven't called me back to finish it. It is a good thing. I tell myself. My mother is not doing well. She had gotten used to having me around. I don't know what the future holds. I just know that I can't do what she wants me to do. My financial situation doesn't allow me to be there. I do need to have sustainable employment. Making her understand this is hard.

I realize that I do have some choices to make. I can trust God. I can lean on his strength and wisdom. I can let go of the fear that seems to override any reason. I can leave the situation that I'm in with God knowing that he has my best interests at heart. It's not easy. I'm not looking at any easy solutions no matter what I chose. Sometimes I do wish there were some easy solutions available. Then I guess I would wonder why it was so easy and lose my faith.

I do have a lot to be thankful for. I have shelter, food and internet access. :-)

I also have good friends who care about me.

Putting Things in Perspective-Getting Away From Facebook

Yes, I have to admit if only to myself that I'm a little bit addicted to Facebook. I have checked it at least three times a day, spent hours I probably shouldn't have spent and let myself get sucked in emotionally. It isn't hard to do. Seeing all the pictures and feeling just a little bit important is addictive. I get it.

I recently had a very bad experience that my mind still keeps playing over and over. I have tried to put things in perspective and take everything I see with a "grain of salt" but it's difficult. I can't seem to get away from the facts that I've allowed myself to get lured in.

Facebook does have some good qualities. I can touch base with friends that I haven't talked to in a very long time. I can pray for those who are sick and share the joy with those who are rejoicing. Unfortunately, I did allow myself to overreact and not check my facts before posting them. I got burned big time. It was only when someone actually threatened me that I realized that I was heading down the wrong path. Facebook was putting the ugliness that I wanted to hide out there for everyone to see. I couldn't blame the users who depended on me for accurate information. They used Facebook as a sort of tool.

I didn't completely understand the damage I'd done. I was right, wasn't I? Yet I would have to admit that I may have stretched the truth a bit. I know I've written some things that couldn't be verified but that I thought were true. I let social media dictate what I believed for a time. I can't do that anymore. I do have to get away from Facebook before it takes over my life.

I have started to discipline myself to only get on Facebook for an hour or less every day except for the weekends. I really never go on the computer on the weekends at all. I've also worked on deleting and saving posts, including some that had fiction instead of fact. I will from now on stick to facts. I may lose some people this way. Many do have "itching" ears that only want to hear the negative.

Eventually, I will get off Facebook completely. I'll find another platform where I can put things in perspective and not let myself get carried away.