Going on Welfare: This is only temporary

Yup, you read the title right. I picked up the paperwork today and will fill it out tomorrow. I have no choice. I'm running on "fumes" now with no job prospects in sight. I can console myself that this is only temporary and that I've done the best that I could to keep out of it. I just don't see any way that I can avoid this necessary step. My recent bout with a bug that I'm really still getting over has convinced me that I need to go on welfare.

Anyone who knows me knows that this decision hasn't come lightly. I have fought the good fight, scoured the job boards and talked to people I know about my situation. I'm not even sure that I'll be accepted for welfare, but I do know that I need it now.

I know that the job interviews I had didn't pan out because I just don't have what they need. I've been out of the job market for too long, except for my work with the society and my writing. It is hard to admit that I failed so miserably in finding work. Going on welfare doesn't mean that I'm giving up looking for work....It is a requirement to receive benefits to at least show you're trying.

I can only speculate what happened to get me in the financial bind that I'm in now. I can be thankful for support from my family and my friends. I know that they are in some ways facing the same financial crisis that I am. I don't come from a rich family. We struggled at times to make ends meet. I know that the Lord provides for me. That's why I know that I need to do this for my sake and for my family's sake.

It is the right thing to do. I have to keep telling myself that. I do feel guilty to even ask. I am for the most part able-bodied, yet there are certain jobs I just can't do. I can't lift 25 pounds easily. I don't work well at night. I need to find a daytime job....one that allows me to grow...yet I know that I am at the point where I just need to accept anything as long as it pays money.

Sometimes I just want to ask God why....but then I realize that I wouldn't have met any of the people that I've met in the past almost four years if I'd been employed in a regular job. I wouldn't have had any of these great ideas or been a sounding board for others who are struggling as I am to understand why things have gotten so bad.

Feeling Determined To Find Something

If you have been reading and following this blog for a while, you have a glimpse of my current financial situation. You understand that I am only one of many who are finding themselves adrift in a sea of broken dreams. I am, however, feeling determined to find something within the next two weeks. I already had three interviews in the past three weeks...which it actually more than I've had in the past three years.

I am telling everyone that I'm a freelance writer. I am telling everyone that I'm not giving up on looking for sustainable work. I'll do that even if I have to apply for welfare. I am determined not to stay in this state. I will utilize (if I get it) welfare as a last resort. I am determined to find that steady income stream. I know that my work as a freelance writer is not steady.

I need that steady income stream. At this point in time, I may be forced to do some things that I'm not really capable of doing. I try not to think of what this means. I just have to do what I need to do.

I pray daily for direction from the Lord. I know that he controls my destiny. He knows my situation and he is going to work things out for the good. I have to believe this or go crazy. Will he rain down blessings on me? I don't know. I hate to think of the alternatives.

I know that I need to stop "stressing out"....and start praying for a miracle. God has a good plan for me. Sometimes though it is so hard to believe this. I look at my dwindling bank account and I want to weep. I hear the unspoken words of those who depend on my support, knowing that I'm just going to have to tell them that I can't do it for a little while.

I ask myself the questions that have tortured me over this long period of underemployment. Am I good enough to get noticed? Can I do the hard work needed to promote myself? Will anyone pay me to do work for them? Where will I find enough money to support myself and my family now?

I am determined to find something rather quickly. I have two weeks...actually less than two weeks before the "bottom" drops out. If you think of me at all....would you please pray that I find a job in the next two weeks...I don't want to be homeless.

Desperate but still holding on

Yes, I do see some faint light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Things are starting to open up, but I am still desperate. Three weeks more and I'll just have to "bite the bullet" and succumb to government pressure. You might be saying right now that I should give up now. Tempting as that is, I can't...not yet.

Only the Lord knows what will happen. I know this. I can't sleep at night though worrying about my appending financial ruin. It's very hard for me. I can't seem to get the support I need to pull myself out of this deep dark financial pit.

Yes, it is at the lowest depth that we see God clearly. I can honestly say that I don't regret this time of unemployment and extreme underemployment. I met a lot of nice people who are also struggling. I've been able for short periods of time take my eyes off my rapidly deteriorating situation. I discover some new purposes in life as well. Unfortunately I seem to be dragging back to the slime pit I build for myself over the past four years.

Sometimes it just doesn't seem that long since I had steady employment and money coming in. Yet it has been. Do I regret not staying with that corporation? No. I can honestly say that I don't regret it. I wasn't treated right there, and I needed to leave.

I can't speculate what would have happened if I decided to let the corporation degrade me and take a paycut while working as a virtual slave. Some might say that I deserved being treated that way. I took the high ground though and they respected that. Could I have done things better? Again...I just can't speculate. I just have to leave things as they are, knowing that I've learned some valuable lessons.

Yes, I am desperate...but I am still holding on....and hoping for a miracle. God knows I need one right now.

Scrambling to Find Some Relief and Getting Low on Resources and Time

All of you who have been reading my blog know that time is running short for me. I don't know when time will end. I don't know why all of this is happening. I don't know what my next steps are. All I do know is that my financial situation is now critical. Almost like the world's situation....no one really knows when it will happen. All of us are still hoping for some sort of miracle.

We hang on to the Lord's promises, even when the sky is dark. I admittedly am scrambling to find some relief from the pressure I am feeling. It isn't pretty when you know that if you don't have sustainable revenue in the next month or so, you may have to succumb to government forces. Believe me when I tell you...no one, at least in my generation, actively seeks government intervention in helping them survive. Most of us really only take government help as our last resort.

Admittedly two-thirds of the population already have some sort of government assistance. This comes mostly in the form of healthcare since the price of even basic care has gone "through the roof" in cost. Most have no choice but to accept this type of government handout. They don't understand though what they are giving up. The government now controls your life.

I am getting low on resources that I can tap to steer away from this government control. I am following the Lord's lead though to keep out as long as I can. It isn't easy. I have to be careful and cautious, knowing that the Lord has kept me so far from oppressive government control.

I find myself asking the question: Will I be prepared when the economic crisis hits? Will any one of us be prepared for what the world will look like when it happens or will the Lord turn the economic tide back and save us from disaster?

How do I prepare for dissolution and despair or is that Satan talking? My Lord, you know the times and the seasons....help me prepare for your soon return and help all of us lean on you.

Seeking New Horizons While Focusing on The Old

I have a dream. I want to see everyone who longs for meaningful work and sustainable income to get it. I do envision a world where everyone has a purpose and is fulfilling that purpose.

I guess you can say that I'm seeking new horizons while focusing on the old. Why? Because I really don't know how to do anything else. I've been wired to work, but I've been frustrated by the fact that I'm competing with thousands. Then there's technology. Obama is right to blame it for some of the fallout, but not all of it.

I have a wish. I want the world to see what technology is doing to the planet and its people. I do envision a world where technology has taken over from humans. Admittedly that scares me.

I guess you can say that I want the world to go back to the way it was before all the technology took over. Children have no idea of how much technology has taken over their lives. Yet I do see peeks of innovation in those eyes. I'm not sure how to get them to see the physical world around them. If more refused to embrace the technology, we might have a better world.

I have a goal. I want to set up connections between the physical and the electronic so the younger generation will have something to hold onto when everything goes south. I do envision a world where the physical living history can be experienced. Right now...it's not happening.

I guess you can say that I'm crazy. I believe that there are ways to connect the two...which is why I'm seeking new horizons while focusing on the old. It is only from our history that we can learn the lessons to reach the heights. It is foolish to think that all there is....is in the future...or that we can't learn anything from our ancestors. They can teach us so much...if we only stop and listen.

A New Venture-Taking Those First Steps

I guess I can blame my parents for literally forcing me to take these first steps. They know my financial situation. The pressure is definitely on to do something to gain employment and/or gain a steady source of income within the next couple of months. They just don't want to hear anymore how difficult it is. I understand. They've put up with me for too long. Yet I can't help but get excited about a new venture that just may be the "ticket" for me to get some much needed cash.

I can't say too much right now since it's in the very early stages of development. The initial meeting to hash out the ideas this afternoon was very interesting. The problem is how to get the right people interested and willing to help out. It all comes down to who will be willing to invest in the idea. Ideas are good, but if you can't get any traction on them...then they "flop." For the people that are in on it with me, I'd hate to see that.

It is kind of scary too. I don't have the money to invest. I do have the passion to save these old buildings, making them useable again and creating revenue for the borough(s). It is going to be hard to make borough(s) understand the benefits they can realize by renovating and reusing old buildings instead of demolishing them. This will be hard to get across because American society loves to discard old stuff for new. It is only fairly recently that some have pressed for conservation and renewal of our resources. It makes economic sense as well.

We do have to sit down, polish up our ideas and get them in easy to understand format. Generating interest will be a key component in getting our ultimate goals in place. What am I hoping with this venture? I guess I'm hoping to generate a steady income for myself. If that's selfish talk, then I'd have to agree...but it's not going to get anywhere if there is no "buy-in." It is the old "what's in it for me" syndrome. The investors need to know what they will get out of their investment. It makes sense. Even I would like to have my money work for me.

I do pray that something comes my way. I admittedly dread having to work for a medical office or company. The pressure is there though...my parents want me to take anything...just so money is coming in. I admit that my financial situation has caused me to reconsider my stance for shift work, which would be my destiny should I succumb to taking a medical job. I feel fairly certain about that, since most medical offices/companies are begging for people to work those mid and overnight shifts.

I could be wrong, of course....but something else is also barring me from applying for medical office work. I hate it....plain and simple. I hate having my personal information exposed and hate having to ask all those personal questions of others. There I said it. So, my prayer is...Please...Dear God...Please Help Me Get A Job That Has Nothing To Do With The Medical Profession!!!!! I MEAN IT!

PLEASE STOP PRESSURING ME TO COMPLY WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF ALL PERSONAL INFORMATION!!!! I NEED A JOB THAT WILL NOT ASK ME TO EXPOSE MY PERSONAL INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET....AND I NEED IT NOW.

Happy New Year....I think

If someone told me back in 1999 that I'd be facing a huge financial crisis in 2016, I think I might have wanted even more to go back in time. I know that I should be looking forward, not thinking about the economic hole I've gotten myself into by traveling on this road. Yet I can't help thinking of all the life changing experiences I've had as well. This year does promise to change my life in ways I can't even imagine now.

I can't say now what those changes will look like...whether I'll even be around to celebrate 2017. No one really knows, so they tell me. The pressure to create a legacy to leave behind and to preserve legacy grows stronger day by day. I'm realizing more and more that this dependency on electronic devices and systems can only grow stronger as the younger generations are "shut out" from actually reading paper books. They are increasingly more dependent on computers and computer generated machines to do more and more. It is kind of scary.

Then there are those egomaniacs that cry crocodile tears when they know that they are feeding on people's insecurity. Freedoms are being stripped, but no one really understands or cares. I know that it will get worse before it gets better. Modern technology has made it too easy to control every aspect of a person's life. It may seem that you are free to express yourself in any way you want to, but that's not true. Messages, images and other documentation is quite easily manipulated to make someone's life a living hell.

I heard at least a few times these past five days that time is growing short to let people know about the Lord Jesus Christ. So this will be my year to come out and proclaim him as Lord of my life. I will stop with the negative posts and the "pity party" that I've been having. Instead I will embrace the path the Lord has for me and trust him to meet my needs.

No...my status hasn't changed. I'm still on the edge of financial collapse, but I'm trusting God to show me the way out and bless me financially. He has already blessed me by keeping me solvent this far and providing me with opportunities to serve. I am blessed to know the people I've met and am open to meeting new people this year.