Making It Through the Storms of Life

It has been a really scary week. The storm "mini tornado" that briefly whipped through our neck of the woods severely damaged homes and knocked out power for 100,000 people. I sit here now listening to the rain from another less scary thundershower that rolled through the area earlier this evening.

The storms reflect my feelings towards what has happened to our nation. It was a long time coming. We collectively turned our backs to God, allowing those who would perpetrate evil to have a "field day." Yes, I know that their day is coming. God's wrath will fall on them. Yet I still struggle to keep my head above the slime pit and the wicked storms. Lord knows that I've bit my tongue as my stomach churned at the evil direction this country is taking. I tried my best to stand through it, knowing that God doesn't allow anything that I can't handle.

I wept last Tuesday as I witnessed the pain of my dearest and best friend. I saw the Lord even in the midst of that horrendous storm. I know that he protected me and my family. I know that he protected my best friend. I know that he will protect us still when the consequences of these laws fully form. He knows my heart. He knows my needs.

I do praise him even now as the pressure increases to embrace the evil of the society around me. I will resist it to the best of my ability. Lord, give me strength to meet the foes and deliver me from the evil one. Grant us a refuge like you granted the pilgrims of old. Hide us in the hollow of your mighty hands. Continue to protect us from those who would denounce and destroy us. Provide, O Lord a way out through the midst of this evil and deliver us. To you, O, Lord, be the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen...

Striving for New Things While Embracing the Old

I have to admit that it hasn't been easy pretending to be someone I'm not. I can't seem to get past the fact that my temperament is basically shy. I want those new things though. I see the obstacles ahead of me. People pulling me in all sorts of directions. I feel dizzy.

I try to admit that I can no longer pretend to the people around me. They laugh it off. I feel foolish to know what to strive for with those new things. I can't articulate what I want. I'm in a bubble created by my own stubborness. Will I ever get past this feeling of hopeless and poverty?

I think about those people struggling now to survive in an increasingly technical world. I long to embrace the old...to go back to when everyone who needed a job could get one. A time when everyone knew your name and wanted to help you.

We have become too insulated from each other, even as we strive for new things. Forget the old, they whisper. It is no longer relevant. You have to do it this way. You can't do it that way. Don't embrace the old....give it up. They throw God in the backwater and forget that he created everything. Fools and hypocrites....believing that things will always be there...

What will be our future? With all our striving for new things, will we forget God? We are fools and worthy of his punishment if we forget him and his infinite grace towards us, his bond servants. I have to stop pretending to be someone I'm not. I have to start letting my light shine.

Lord, thank you for your creation. Thank you for your mercy. We are infinitely better with you than without you in our lives. You promised to make all things new. How we long for that day! We do embrace your eternal love for us that may seem ancient and old. Your mercy and grace is new every morning.

The Day Before My Birthday

No, I don't get much into birthdays. My parents kick up a fuss. They seem to expect me to acknowledge my birth and force me to go to a celebration. I tried to tell them that I really don't want the celebration at all. They think I'm callous. Maybe I am...

Yet I do hate the fuss. I want everyone just to leave me alone to celebrate my birthday quietly and without any fuss. I know that I'm going to hear it from my sister. She especially thinks that I'm going to "go with the flow" and attend the celebration "just because." I am very frustrated that they just don't get it. I don't want the fuss. I don't want to feel obligated to get something that the person probably doesn't really need....especially now when I'm in a crisis mode.

Why can't they understand? Why do they always have to make me feel bad for refusing to participate in something I can't believe in anymore? I told them that I'd much rather have just a card...then for anyone to get me something I can't really use. I know there are aching needs too....

I'd rather fill those needs. Will anyone understand that? Can I make them understand it? Oh, Lord...you know my heart. Please help me make them understand that I don't want this fuss and bother.

Bothered by The Unrespectful and Unwelcome Attention

Yup...it's one of those posts. I am bothered though because it seems to me that there is no respect for those who put their lives on the line daily. I can understand a little bit how wearying that can be, to go day after day without hearing one word of thanks or praise. I aim to stop that now. I want to let police and firemen know how much I appreciate them.

It is hard. Sometimes it definitely feels like I'm going against a tidal wave of disrespect and apathy. Don't they know, I ask myself, what it all means? There are times, like yesterday, when I see a bit of light....a tiny measure of respect and admiration.

I can understand a little bit their frustration at how they (police) are being portrayed by the media at times. Their faults receive unwelcome attention. I fear for the erosion of justice when bad men feel that they can get away with anything with no consequences. It must be tough to see fellow officers face unjust sentences due to technicalities or because they'd been unjustly framed by those who have no clue about what they do.

They do deserve our respect. I am thankful that they are there maintaining the peace and protecting us from those who would do us harm. My group is planning to honor them in September and all those who sacrificed their all for their fellow citizens.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm a bit jealous of the young ones. They seem to have their whole life ahead of them. I admittedly have for the most part given up job searching as I had been. I'm too burnt out with rejection that I've to let it all go. I know what my problems are. I know that I have taken one step forward to grasp that ray of hope only to have it snatched away.

It is my fault. I can't seem to get any traction. I'm grateful for the freelance writing that I've been able to do. I'm also grateful for the many ideas that are swimming around, but nothing is sticking. Lord, help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of defending my continued lack of gainful employment or trying to play the fool to get that elusive job.

I often feel that I've taken two steps back and time is ticking for me to make something of myself. Why do I feel that I have to prove that I'm worthy of being noticed and compensated? What can I do about the people around me who are also struggling with lack of work and acknowledgement? I know that my current situation has gotten so deep that I don't know if I'll be able to escape it at all. Some days I just want to end it all, but then I realize that there is just so much to do and so many people who depend on me to do it all....without compensation....sigh....

Will someone somewhere see my worth? Yes. I have to believe that what I'm doing for others will make a difference in their lives....or give up.

Moving Forward With A New Beginning

It sometimes feels a bit scary to be taking in something new. I know that the pressure is on for me to do this. I also know that it is needed. There are going to be detractors. People that want to see you fail. There are also going to be those that wholeheartedly support you. It is for those people you want to shine. It is for those people you need to move forward and grasp the rings of opportunity.

I am going through a new beginning now. I don't know as yet what the future will hold for me. I want so many things. I need to be able to reach out and touch the young people with the message that local history is important. How do I do that? I am not sure. There are too many obstacles in front of me now to even speculate what needs to be done first.

The underlying theme has to be to reach the world with the love of Jesus. It sounds corny, but the reality is that things are dying and disappearing at an alarming rate. The only true answer is Jesus and the life in him.

I move forward in him. Every other way is death.

Honored and Overwhelmed

I've been busy these past two weeks learning more about the financial end of my non-profit business. I 've also been privileged and honored to meet with so many interesting people willing to help me get up to speed. I do have a long road ahead of me still. I am feeling pressured to have some sort of positive results from all my hard work.

It is a bit overwhelming and depressing at the same time. None of the older folk seem to grasp what I'm going through yet. They pressure me to find a "real job"....and sometimes I do want to go back to having one of those....It is definitely a lot more stable than what I'm trying to accomplish now. Many just don't understand that non-profits do in some ways have to run like a business, even though they don't have shareholders or a product/service they can sell.

I really can't explain yet why I feel compelled to do what I'm doing now. Some days it still feels like I'm spinning my "wheels" and getting nowhere fast. Other days I definitely feel that sense of accomplishment that comes when you know that you've made a difference in someone's life. Financial pressures are still there as well. I'm not sure what my next steps will be to secure some sort of steady income stream. I know I need one...and I know that I have to take the necessary steps to obtain one or two soon.

I do hope to find and secure those revenue streams for my sake and for my family's sake. I know they are feeling pressured as well....and maybe a bit tired of "covering for me"...when the reality is that they should be supporting me in this huge undertaking.