Moving Forward With A New Beginning

It sometimes feels a bit scary to be taking in something new. I know that the pressure is on for me to do this. I also know that it is needed. There are going to be detractors. People that want to see you fail. There are also going to be those that wholeheartedly support you. It is for those people you want to shine. It is for those people you need to move forward and grasp the rings of opportunity.

I am going through a new beginning now. I don't know as yet what the future will hold for me. I want so many things. I need to be able to reach out and touch the young people with the message that local history is important. How do I do that? I am not sure. There are too many obstacles in front of me now to even speculate what needs to be done first.

The underlying theme has to be to reach the world with the love of Jesus. It sounds corny, but the reality is that things are dying and disappearing at an alarming rate. The only true answer is Jesus and the life in him.

I move forward in him. Every other way is death.

Honored and Overwhelmed

I've been busy these past two weeks learning more about the financial end of my non-profit business. I 've also been privileged and honored to meet with so many interesting people willing to help me get up to speed. I do have a long road ahead of me still. I am feeling pressured to have some sort of positive results from all my hard work.

It is a bit overwhelming and depressing at the same time. None of the older folk seem to grasp what I'm going through yet. They pressure me to find a "real job"....and sometimes I do want to go back to having one of those....It is definitely a lot more stable than what I'm trying to accomplish now. Many just don't understand that non-profits do in some ways have to run like a business, even though they don't have shareholders or a product/service they can sell.

I really can't explain yet why I feel compelled to do what I'm doing now. Some days it still feels like I'm spinning my "wheels" and getting nowhere fast. Other days I definitely feel that sense of accomplishment that comes when you know that you've made a difference in someone's life. Financial pressures are still there as well. I'm not sure what my next steps will be to secure some sort of steady income stream. I know I need one...and I know that I have to take the necessary steps to obtain one or two soon.

I do hope to find and secure those revenue streams for my sake and for my family's sake. I know they are feeling pressured as well....and maybe a bit tired of "covering for me"...when the reality is that they should be supporting me in this huge undertaking.

So Much To Do! So Little Time To Do it....

I'm definitely still feel overwhelmed. There is just too much information for me to handle by myself. I am glad that there is starting to be an interest in local history. I am also glad that eyes are starting to be opened about all the possibilities, yet I still have this nagging feeling that things will start falling apart again. I've been in this present situation for so long now that I've forgotten how good it feels to have a stable job. I envy those who do.

I know, however, that if I had a stable job now that I wouldn't be at all concerned about what is happening around me. I wouldn't care less about local history...maybe...or I wouldn't be as active as I am now. There is just so much to do. I do feel nervous.

We need a venue. We need to generate enough interest to justify the many costs involved with maintaining a building. There is so little time to do it all...and there are added pressures being placed on my shoulders. I don't like this feeling. Yet it is when I feel this way that I turn to the Lord the most. I start by reminding myself that he is in control.

He knows my situation and my needs. He understands the time pressures and the feeling of being overwhelmed. I need only to hand my cares and concerns to him, knowing that he has my best interest at heart. God's timing is perfect. I realize that when I consider the rapid growth of the society and the many projects that are now "blooming" under his guidance. Oh, Lord...let me not forget that you have everything in your hands and control belongs to you. Too many times I let myself get overwhelmed and worried about my circumstances not realizing that everything is going accordingly to his plan...not mine.

The Lord will provide the funds needed, the venue needed and the support needed for the museum. I just have to continue to press on, gathering the information and making the needed contacts. I can't wallow in despair when something appears to go wrong. I have to give it to him....and watch what happens.

Feeling Overwhelmed but Happy

Things are really starting to "heat up" at the society. I really like the participation that everyone has in the group. It is definitely great when everyone participates. I do hate when no one feels they can participate, and the meetings drag on.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed though with everything that is going on. I am still on the brink of financial disaster too....personally. If I could find someone to come alongside me to support my efforts...it would be great! I know I have so many people behind me already...that I feel overwhelmingly blessed. I am happy that things are going so well after that season of feeling as if everything was turning to dust.

Lord, there is still so much to deal with, so much to handle and so many variables. I am learning each day to trust you, but it's hard at times. I can stress myself out or leave things to God. I rather leave it all to God.

Oh, Lord....You know my needs. You know what steps I need to take. Help me to be the person you designed me to be and do your work. I am happy that you have chosen me for this work. Strengthen me and lead me in the way I should go. You know how I depend on you and your provision.

Thank you for the society, Lord and for every member in it. Bless them, Lord and show them your saving love.

Reflections on Passion Week

When I reflect on Passion week, my mind automatically goes to what Jesus must have gone through during this last week before his sacrifice. What could he have felt when it seemed as if no one understood the meaning of what he had been chosen to do? How many times have we forgotten the reasons why he came to Earth...I know that I still have some ways to go before I feel that I'm fit to be in his kingdom. Yet the beauty of it is that I don't have to be perfect....In fact God accepted me and loved me while I was a sinner. It still amazes me.

I know that it is so easy to forget and go about a normal routine without thought. My senses were jarred recently when I took stock in what I was doing. I realized that in some profound ways I have grown. In other ways I am still struggling.

Jesus struggled too....He knows my struggles. I can come to him and confess my sins. I am saddened when I do see and hear the Scripture being butchered on television. I ache because the word is being distorted by those who want to profit from lies. I think about the lies told in the Passion story...lies that were revealed in time...

I rejoice in the risen Savior....Jesus Christ.

Stuck between two extremes

I've grown frustrated lately with all the barriers I have in regards to getting work. It is not easy to discipline yourself to make those calls, write that resume and compose that letter. Some days it seems impossible. I am stuck between two extremes....the longing for a normal 9 to 5 stable job that will support me and the reality that those jobs are disappearing fast. It hasn't been by choice that I ventured into the world of self-employment. I struggled for a long time...too long to play the game of finding that elusive job...that I just decided to stop. Yes, some would say that I've given up.

I am again being pressured to find some way to get money in. For my parents and those of the older generations, that means going to work every day and putting in my eight hours with a promise that I would in the end be able to retire with a nest egg. Yes, I do know that I need to support myself better. I can work as hard as I can on the computer, trying in vain to reach out to voiceless computers that evaluate you on a set series of keywords or I can reach out to others the old fashioned way.

I can admit that going back to a time where there was no computers sounds very appealing to me at times. Technology has taken a lot of work away from hard working people...and has made life better for some of those same people. It is ironic that there are good things happening with computers even when those very same things destroy the uniqueness of a person.

Even our healthcare is being regulated by computers....for those of you who follow End Times prophecy...they know what this means.

Trying to Come to Grip With Change

This week has been one of those "up and down" weeks. Some days I've felt the warm sun of God's love on my face and knew that I was following him. Other days I've seen the dark clouds of oppression and fear. I know God is with me. Sometimes it is hard to remain upbeat when it seems as if everything is falling apart in front of you. I have been trying to come to grip with change. Change is so hard.

Yes, I can see a very dismal future ahead of me. I know that if I focus on the bad stuff, then that very dismal future will become a reality. No, I can't see the beautiful promises that the Lord has for me. At least I can't until I put my hand out and trust him for my future. I've had to practice really hard today to remain positive that things will change for the better for me. Very tiny slits of light are beginning to light my path ahead. I have to hold on to them or sink beneath the waves of despair.

It is hard when you see the defeat on the faces of those you love. You know that they too are struggling to come to grips with growing old and appending death. I have no comfort to share with them, no solid reference for them to hold onto with both hands....I only have the One who has stayed beside me. I only know of his sacrifice for me. I rejoice that someday Death will be swallowed up in victory. Is it selfish to long for his return to redeem us? Is it foolish to cling to the hope that he loves me and wants the best for me?

Yes, I do still have a difficult time accepting change. It is hard to accept that someday soon the life I'm now living will be only a distant memory. Can I accept that the Lord has a plan for my life? Yes. I just have to be patient and wait on his leading.