A Rocky week or Learning to lean

I had a rocky week last week. I wanted to scream but just didn't have the energy to do so. You're supposed to be happy, I told myself, but what is happiness anyway? It's fleeting. It disappears the moment your circumstances change. My stomach is still churning from all the changes. They tell you that they are good changes and that you should "buck up" and accept them. Your mind and heart reject them. You long for stability and reliability. You get neither. Instead everyone seems to have their head in the sand waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Just about this time, you realize that your resources are gone. You have to learn to lean on the one who made the stars. It is a freeing thought. You ponder anew at his amazing love and wonder why he sacrificed his son for us. "Was it all worth it?" I can image that he smiles and tells me, "Yes, it was all worth it."

I have to agree. The trials I'm going through now are worth it, if one person sees the Lord through me and the way I handle crisis. I am like everyone else though. I don't like going through the crisis even though I know that it's making me a better person. I much rather coast through life....but wouldn't that be boring. Maybe all this change will be good for me. I have to keep telling myself that even when my current circumstances don't make me feel that way.

Flying high and falling flat

Have you ever experienced the feeling of flying high above the troubles of the world? You forget everything and see the world as if it were a tiny speck. Sometimes when the world lays you low and you feel as if you're falling flat on your face, you reach for those moments. Those moments of high emotions are fleeting thankfully. Most days are ordinary. You walk through them, little realizing the simple things that strike you in a moment's time.

Especially this time of year, I notice more as I watch the children's faces light up with joy. They don't get sucked in by the commercialism, as some would have you believe. Being a child is discovering love in the simple caress. It doesn't take much. All it does take is time.

Time is a gift. Each moment holds its own joy. We choose whether or not to squander or save the time. It is funny how some moments are thrust upon you, while others sneak up on you unexpectedly. I know it's hard to embrace the changes that threaten to rock your world. That's why I'm thankful that God never changes. He is faithful even when we are not. I marvel at his perfect timing.

Remembering Pearl Harbor

A day that will live in infamy. That was what President Franklin Roosevelt said that Sunday when the world seemed to collapse all around us. I wasn't born then, and my father was only a little boy at the time...yet memories of that long ago day often resurface especially today. Some compare what happened September 11, 2001 to that day, but I feel that there is no comparison. Those of us who actually visited the site where the ships went down know what I mean. Those that visited the World Trade Center site also know. Comparing the two tragedies is wrong.

Instead, now that we know a lot more about what happened both at Pearl Harbor and in New York that horrible day, we can see the differences very clearly. Yes, people did rally around the flag both times, but unfortunately the glaring difference is that we had no real enemy to focus on when the attacks on 9/11 happened. We did in 1941. We had Japan. What happened next made us stronger and weaker at the same time. Stronger because we went to the aid of those who needed us, and weaker because we punished those we shouldn't have because of their nationality.

I was stationed at Hickam back in the 1980s and heard the stories of the Japanese air raid which shot up the barracks. The bullet holes were still there when I was stationed there, but am not sure if that holds for today. I thought a lot about what I heard as I walked the old flight line on my way to work at night. I imagined I heard the ghosts of the people who died that horrible day. I know what they would say, at least I think I know. "I expected to die for my country. I took an oath to defend her and I did." The poor souls of 9/11 were all civilians, and I'm sure wouldn't have said that. We can remember both, but we should also remember that those servicemen didn't die in vain. Unfortunately we can't say the same for the people who died September 11, 2001 as much as we would like to believe that.

Trials & Tribulations-Leaning on God through tough times

Time weighs heavy on my mind when I think of all the time wasted waiting for something to happen. I try to understand why everything seems to be falling apart around me. I struggle to make myself heard above the din of everyday life. I ache for those that are "drowning" in a sea of despair waiting for a lifeline. Will I be that lifeline? No, I won't. I can't do it by myself. I have to lean on God. I know that only he can see me through these trials and tribulations.

It's hard waiting. You want to do something, anything to pass the heavy burden that seems to weigh you down. Wasted time and energy sap your strength. You wonder will anything ever be the same again. Tightly you close your eyes against the ugly images that want to claim your sanity. You know the devils of this world want to lead you away. They whisper in your ear that you are worthless and alone, when you know you're not either.

Lift up your head, see your salvation coming in the form of a small baby born in a lowly manger. Wow! With God, nothing is impossible. Without him, nothing is possible.

Much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving

I got a wake up call last week. I didn't want to accept what was happening, nor did I want to believe it. I should have. Frankly I should have seen it coming in June when they first told me of the changes. I wanted to scream then. Maybe I should have. Instead I accepted it. What you may ask am I accepting? I am accepting the fact that men and women are evil and selfish. I know that is human nature. We assume that everything is ours for the taking. We assume that everything is going to remain the same. It doesn't.

Yet I do have much to be thankful for, as I reflect on the implosion of the world around me. You might think I'm being harsh with my wording. I know that just how I felt when everything seemed to explode in my face last week....not literally, but figuratively. I can be thankful that I still have a job, even though right now things are rather precarious. I can be thankful that there is still food on my table, shelter for my body, heat, electricity and running water. I can be thankful that for now I have freedom of speech and control over my own body....that could change with new healthcare legislation. Most of all I can be thankful that through it all God is in control.

Bountiful Blessings-Keeping Positive in Bad Times

I got a rueful reminder today of what it means to be thankful for what you have. Once I realized what was happening, I had to step back and reassess everything. It's funny but not so funny when you realize that the world in which you settled in has suddenly changed. The only thing that keeps you going is knowing that there are people around you that are going through the same upheaval.

There are, I have to tell myself at times like these, bountiful blessings all around me. There are many things to be thankful for and rejoice in the Lord for...like having a roof over my head, food on my table and family that loves and supports me. I know I was a little rough with my last blog, but admittedly who hasn't felt that way about receptions. I want to, however, say that my niece is happily married to the man she loves and I don't think anything will change.

My heart still aches. I still struggle with circumstances that seem to loom in front of me. I know that some people think I'm too sensitive, or I should have a thicker skin. I can't. Instead I will continue to rely on the Lord for he is in control. I will tell myself that I can't let it get to me. I have to remain positive even when it seems as if the negative will overrun and overtake me. I won't lie. It isn't easy. It is hard. You want to scream, but you hold it in.

Yet, I can praise God even though this rough patch on the road of life. I can thank God for bringing people into my life, and I can pray for those that need it. Lord, thank you for allowing me to be your witness and for the bountiful blessings you bestow on me from day to day.

Post Wedding Blues-I'm getting too old for this!!!

My niece got married last Friday. It was a beautiful wedding, but the reception left much to be desired. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not even a teetotaler. I don't drink...period. Yet, that's what the whole reception was geared towards. I keep remembering my cousins, and how they used to...and probably still do...drink. Yes, I know the all the reasons behind it. I also know that it ruined my outlook on the marriage...not that I'm against it. Marriage is a beautiful commitment between two people that love each other.

I have to question the motivation when it seems like as soon as you arrive at the reception you are almost expected to get liquored up. My impression remained bad as the night deteriorated and the music (noise) got louder and louder. Finally I just left. I couldn't take it anymore.

Unfortunately I didn't get any wedding case as it was 9 pm when I left and they were just getting around to almost serving dessert! I'm getting too old for this travesty and long for the days when everyone could dance to the nice, soft music or the silly songs of my youth that they used to play at weddings. I am dating myself when I say that I remember the "Electric slide" and the "Funky chicken." Those were and still are fun songs that even the littlest can enjoy.

Maybe I am an old fogey or just set in my ways. I hate the electronic noise the young call music. It depresses me, and makes me sad for the young couple.