Finding Beauty in the Ashes/On the Way Back from Oblivion

I don't recall a time when I really felt together. It has been a long hard road for me. I feel so tired at times that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Will I ever find that happiness? I just don't know. It is clear that there has to be some light at the end of this tunnel. I can see it but dimly now. I struggle as I pull myself up from oblivion.

There is some beauty in the ashes. I catch glimpses of it as I search for meaning. Lord, I admit that I don't know even where my next step will be. I don't know what to do. Look for the positive they say. I hear them. My mind tries to process the information. I feel frustrated and so alone. Where is the light?

I see glimmers of light and dark. My situation isn't as dire as I thought. Daylight is breaking through the darkness. Yet here I sit contemplating the darkness. I marvel that the Lord Jesus would embrace the darkness for me. He knows me. He snatches me from oblivion and sets my feet on solid ground. I begin to understand the sacrifice. He finds beauty in ashes.

It seems appropriate during Holy Week to reflect our purpose. Jesus has a purpose. His purpose is to save mankind. It is good to contemplate this sacrifice and embrace the meaning of Easter. We do find our purpose in Christ Jesus. He gives us a mission to spread the Good News. You can be saved. You can find your way out of oblivion. I have to believe this. I do have a purpose and there is meaning in my life.

Looking Up From the Well of Despair and Reaching Out for a Lifeline

It has been one of those weeks. I'm realizing that my situation is not good at all. Hope is fading for me to find any meaningful employment that pays me. I'm looking up from the well of despair with time ticking very loudly in the background. I feel my time is very limited here. I am grateful that I still have this house, but for how long? Three months? Six months? If I'm really lucky, maybe a year.

I have to admit that I'm scared. My housing situation is very precarious now. I don't know if I'll have the privilege of living in a home for much longer. I may be stuck living in an apartment soon if I can get one. My greatest fear, which is rapidly becoming a reality, is being homeless. It is a very real possibility now. I can no longer pretend that things are rosy. I can no longer pretend that things are going to be okay with me. They aren't.

I am struggling now trying to reach out for a lifeline before my "boat" sinks in the ocean. I just don't know where to turn. Looking up from the well of despair I can see a glimmer of light but it's too far away for me. Lord, I ask daily, why are you allowing me to sink into this well of despair? Is what I'm going through with my current situation going to benefit anyone? I need that lifeline now. I need that person to come alongside me and offer me a way out of this deep, dark pit.

I don't want to be poor. I hate it. I miss being able to purchase what I need to survive. I hate depending on others and seeing the resentment in their eyes. I loathe the looks on people's faces when they find out how poor you are. No one seems to understand. They just want to criticize you. Oh, Lord, I need a chance. I need someone to take a chance on me and hire me. Is that too much to ask? I'm desperate. Yet I know you see me even now in this pit. Answer my prayer, dear Lord for sustainable employment so I can continue to live if it's your will in a stable home and not an unstable apartment building.

The Season of Lent: Finding Beauty in Ashes

There are many articles and blogs on Isaiah 61:3. It is interesting to read the different interpretations of the verse. Every author brings a different "take" or meaning. I was at a meeting earlier this evening and this verse unconsciously came up in my mind after the meeting. One of the members chose to focus on what he calls the "Elephant story." I heard the story at least three times already but have yet come up with a focus.

Yes, I do agree that people do look at things in different ways depending on the information they receive. I also do agree that a lot of what we perceive is dependant on our physical understanding. Some people, like myself, are very visual. We like to see things in the physical realm. Others are more tactile. They see the object, but really don't take any meaning out of it. They have to touch it physically for it to be real. Then there are those that refuse to believe even though the evidence is right in front of them.

The season of Lent is a season of reflection. It is also a season to focus on God. I am beginning to understand a bit more about why the Lord has me where I am today. I need to bring the stabilization to those who desperately need it. I need to be able to open eyes to see the beauty in the ashes of a decaying community. I can't do it alone. I need the Lord to come alongside me. He has to be my focus.

As I ponder the questions that swirl around my head about the current state of our world, I often also wonder how I can focus on what's important. Our importance does come from God. When we realize this, we are doing wonderfully.

We can find beauty in ashes. Sometimes it just takes that rough road to truly understand.