Looking Up From the Well of Despair and Reaching Out for a Lifeline

It has been one of those weeks. I'm realizing that my situation is not good at all. Hope is fading for me to find any meaningful employment that pays me. I'm looking up from the well of despair with time ticking very loudly in the background. I feel my time is very limited here. I am grateful that I still have this house, but for how long? Three months? Six months? If I'm really lucky, maybe a year.

I have to admit that I'm scared. My housing situation is very precarious now. I don't know if I'll have the privilege of living in a home for much longer. I may be stuck living in an apartment soon if I can get one. My greatest fear, which is rapidly becoming a reality, is being homeless. It is a very real possibility now. I can no longer pretend that things are rosy. I can no longer pretend that things are going to be okay with me. They aren't.

I am struggling now trying to reach out for a lifeline before my "boat" sinks in the ocean. I just don't know where to turn. Looking up from the well of despair I can see a glimmer of light but it's too far away for me. Lord, I ask daily, why are you allowing me to sink into this well of despair? Is what I'm going through with my current situation going to benefit anyone? I need that lifeline now. I need that person to come alongside me and offer me a way out of this deep, dark pit.

I don't want to be poor. I hate it. I miss being able to purchase what I need to survive. I hate depending on others and seeing the resentment in their eyes. I loathe the looks on people's faces when they find out how poor you are. No one seems to understand. They just want to criticize you. Oh, Lord, I need a chance. I need someone to take a chance on me and hire me. Is that too much to ask? I'm desperate. Yet I know you see me even now in this pit. Answer my prayer, dear Lord for sustainable employment so I can continue to live if it's your will in a stable home and not an unstable apartment building.