Trying to Remain Positive in the Midst of A Storm

Yes, I admit that I haven't done nearly enough to push myself out of this financial mess I'm in. Yes, I admit there is a great fear that time is running out to do something productive and move forward on my dreams. No, I will not give in to despair. No, I will not wallow in self-pity and doubt my abilities to move forward.

I am trying to remain positive about my situation. I know that there are others that are far worse off than I am. I know I can't give in to fear or succumb to the irrational sense that things are falling apart around me. It is difficult to remain calm when my bank account is so low. I don't know what to do. Yet I do know that God has a plan for me. I know that he won't leave me alone and without hope.

I have to believe that there is hope for me and for my country. I need to believe that God is merciful and just. I know that God's wrath is real and will remember to follow his will. I do fear for those who believe wrongly that there is no hell and no consequences for their actions. I have to believe that those who willfully push their evil ways on those who are vulnerable will see that wrath poured down on their heads. I need to believe that those who are laughing as they desecrate the land and the people will get their "just desserts." I know that God won't tolerate those who blatantly mock God and his word for long. Their day is coming. Judgment will be swift and unending for those who continue to mock God, dismiss his servants and break his laws.

I do feel this in my bones. Our young people are being brainwashed to believe that everything is supposed to be handed to them on a platter. None realize that it takes a lot of hard work and determination to make a success.

Somedays I do feel like I'm spinning my wheels trying to find some work that I can do. I try to remain positive in this storm, but I need help.

Crisis Mode: Will My Friend Lose Her Home?

The July 4th weekend and the weekend following the celebration was a time to reflect and be thankful for what I still have. It is hard to hear though that some are not as secure. My friend is going through a particularly rough time now. School and municipal taxes are due and she doesn't know how she will get the money to pay them.

There is a very real possibility she could lose the house she grew up in. Tax liens, as I have been reading on the Internet, are serious. The municipality could decide to put the house up in a tax sale to get tax money. I think about that for my own sake as well. Our household is in a financial crisis too. I do worry about local and school taxes.

It is a pickle. I'm not sure what to tell her or where she can turn for help to keep her home. I have to believe that there is something that can be done. My greatest fear is homelessness. I see the homeless people on the street in Philadelphia and thank God that I'm not there yet.

I have to admit that it frightens me. I am like my friend in some ways. I don't have anyone I can turn to in case this scenerio plays out for me. I have to trust that God has a plan for me. I have to believe that he won't leave me and my friend alone. I have to learn the lessons now that God is teaching me and lean on him.

The violence of the past week has shaken me too. I can't image what is going through the minds of those involved. It just seemed that there is so much hate but not enough love.

I have to pray that her financial mess will be resolved, that she'll get the money she needs to pay taxes and be able to stay in her home. I pray this for myself as well. I have to trust that all things will work out for the good. Otherwise I might as well give up now.

In Crisis Mode But Thankful for Support

It may seem a bit strange to be saying this, yet I feel I must. I am grateful even now in the midst of this crisis. I know I am in God's hands. I know that he has a plan for me. I can be thankful for the support I've received. I can lift my hands up and praise the One who created me.

Yes, my financial "well" is running dry. Yes, it does seem like the evil forces have ruled the day. Yes, there are still some hard times ahead for me and for any who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, it is hard to face the ones I love from day to day with the news that nothing has changed. My financial situation is still dire...yet the Lord still provides for my every need.

I have to admit that I am frustrated by the doors that are being slammed in my face. No one wants to admit that the world is in crisis mode. They are like a member of my family (I won't expose him/her here) that only chooses to believe God's goodness, but not his wrath. It is foolish thinking.

Not everyone will go to heaven....and yes, there is a heaven. God's wrath will fall and is falling on those who willfully ignore his teachings and go their own way. Yes, there is a hell...and those who reject God and his Son will go there. Our actions do have consequences. I strongly believe that.

What about grace? Does grace cover a multitude of sins? Yes, it does. Yet you need to understand that even though grace is there for the asking, you need to repent and turn away from your sins first. You have to understand too...that even though you have been forgiven your sins, you still have to face the consequences of that sin. It's a foolish notion to think that you can continue to sin and turn away from God...and not face the consequences. It's even more foolish to think that just because you confessed that sin that you don't have to take some responsibility for it. I'm no bible scholar. I know though that true repentance happens when you cry out to God, admit that you sinned and actively work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

I fear what they are teaching young people in school today with their "washed out" theology that has no "bite" to it at all. If a person feels that there is no consequences or that they can simply say "I apologize" and everything will be fine then they are fooling themselves. It's in the crisis mode that you can see this clearly. It's when the "rubber meets the road" when your eyes are fully opened. I know that young people today just don't want to hear about the consequences of their unbelief. They much rather tolerate the filth and abnormal behavior of those who are supposed to mentor them.

I can't really blame the young people entirely because their world has been so saturated by the filth that has reached the highest office of the land. They just don't know any better. Yet even those who have been taught the truth are veering dangerously close to the edge. For this reason and for others, I am in crisis mode.

An unexpected query and possible job offer

I was a little bit shaken up when I received the call in answer to my query about the 125th anniversary. I have to admit that it was a good feeling that I hadn't had for a long while. Persistance is starting to pay off, at least in this area. I don't know yet all the logistics, but was pleasantly surprised when the lady called me. I was equally impressed that she was willing to let me talk to her another time.

It was one of the few things that went right today. I live with two elderly parents who have various health issues. Dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of feeling bad that I can't do more and feeling frustrated with life in general doesn't help. In some ways I am where I should be, caring for my parents. I do worry about them. I want to do what is best for them.

I admittedly let myself get too involved and jump in when I'm really not supposed to jump in. I do have to stop, let others do their jobs and not but in when my opinion is not needed or desired.

Flag Day Musings-Mourning the State of Our Country

Today is the 100th anniversary of Flag Day. There is an interesting history that I admittedly didn't know until I searched for it online. The National Flag Day Foundation states that Flag Day was the inspiration of a 19 year old school teacher in Wisconsin back in 1885. Bernard J. Cigrand believed that his school children should know about why the flag was created and understand the meaning of the flag.

For him and his students, the flag symbolized the freedom and pride that Americans had in their country. It also symbolized our nation's heritage and union. Today, sadly, our union is frayed at the edges. The flag is no longer respected, except in certain groups, but is burned, mocked and torn by those who really hate America.

I've seen with my own eyes the disrespect and outright hatred some groups have with the flag. I hear and cringe inwardly whenever I hear the Pledge of Allegiance being banned from public areas. What has our country come to? I just can't understand it. We've lost our pride and our freedom to fly the flag proudly. We let those who hate our country and the Christian ideals that our country has stood for to rot and deteriorate. We allowed those who would mock us to have free reign.

We have lost our way. Flag Day used to mean something. It was a day to celebrate the symbol of our freedom and our heritage. Today though it is a day of mourning...so it is fitting that the flag is set at half mast.

Week Seven-Frustration Sets In

You think I would have expected it to happen. That dreaded rejection letter came in the mail. I knew it would. Employers are getting very personal now, asking the question "Have you or anyone in your family received food stamps in the past six months?" Ouch! I wonder what they mean by this. It's very upsetting to be discriminated because I broke down and applied for welfare.

You'd think that people like me weren't good enough for them. It really hurts. I'm frustrated because I need work. I really do. I'm just not at the point where I want to work in a dangerous, dirty situation. Yet the perception is there. I want to scream but just don't have the strength.

I'm not sure what to do now. I feel worn and depressed. Lord, can't you see me? I sometimes wonder as I look around. Lord, can't you see your suffering children? I know you do. It sometimes is so hard to keep moving when all you want to do is hide away.

I can't help thinking about the many who are just like me....taking welfare and pursuing an employment dream. I don't want to take a job I hate...and I'm not even sure they will take me anyway. There are still too many people that are younger and more eager to take those jobs. Where does that leave me? What can I do to alleviate this suffering?

I pray daily for some relief. I thank God for what he has given me. Yet I long for more. I long to be able to tell my mother that she can have what she needs to have done for her health and sanity's sake. I can see that some things will never be right for her. Her bitter spirit is sapping my strength. What does she have to be bitter about....I ask....realizing that I could be in the same boat if I had to deal with what she's dealing with now.

I can't let frustration get the best of me. I have to move forward.

Week Six-In the Wastelands

Another pretty rough week last week with no one calling or emailing me for interviews, but a couple of rejection letters. I do feel like I'm in the wastelands. I don't know what to do. Waiting for something to happen when you're out of money is difficult.

I can be thankful that my family is adjusting to the lack of money right now. I can be thankful that i still have shelter and food. I can be thankful that I'm in relatively good health, even though others in the family aren't doing as well.

Communication is key. I know that, but the problem is that there is just too much competition. I am being buried by those that are smarter and younger than I am. It is not enough to know the basics anymore. It just seems like employers are asking too much and expecting too much. They can afford to be choosy. They are not worried about whether or not they'll have a place to stay.

Our country is in the wastelands too. More and more are accepting a real gross way of life and forcing others to follow them into the pit. None understand what they are getting themselves into by accepting such gross behavior. I'm sorry. I can't accept it.

Maybe that is the reason why I'm still in my present state of crisis. I can't embrace that lifestyle. I shouldn't have to be afraid that some pervert will expose himself in the ladies room. I don't want to think about all the depravity that is going on and the wholesale worship of Satan. They hate us. They want to put fear in our hearts and turn everyone against us.

I know that is my paranoia talking....thinking that people are against me...when what they really hate is Jesus Christ. They don't want to be reminded that the USA was once a Christian nation. They don't want to acknowledge that God guided this country and made it great. We turned our collective backs by electing and supporting officials who blatantly confessed their amoral behavior and supported evil practices.

I know that God's judgment is coming for this nation and for all the nations of the world. It has been written and foretold long ago. I do believe that there was a death in 2008....a death of Christian values and beliefs. I know what you may be thinking.  You're thinking that the death had come a lot earlier. Maybe in some ways it had...once we accept sin a proper behavior and start calling moral and upright behavior bad...then we've fallen down a slippery slope.

We are in the wastelands. Technology in some ways has sucked up our collective ability to reason and think for ourselves. I admittedly depend on it way more than is good for me. In some important ways it has opened up new horizons for me. In other important ways it has barred me from meaningful work.

Can we get back that innocence and embrace the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob? I fear not. Yet God's grace is still here. We need not worry or fear. Thank you, Lord for that grace.