Week Seven-Frustration Sets In

You think I would have expected it to happen. That dreaded rejection letter came in the mail. I knew it would. Employers are getting very personal now, asking the question "Have you or anyone in your family received food stamps in the past six months?" Ouch! I wonder what they mean by this. It's very upsetting to be discriminated because I broke down and applied for welfare.

You'd think that people like me weren't good enough for them. It really hurts. I'm frustrated because I need work. I really do. I'm just not at the point where I want to work in a dangerous, dirty situation. Yet the perception is there. I want to scream but just don't have the strength.

I'm not sure what to do now. I feel worn and depressed. Lord, can't you see me? I sometimes wonder as I look around. Lord, can't you see your suffering children? I know you do. It sometimes is so hard to keep moving when all you want to do is hide away.

I can't help thinking about the many who are just like me....taking welfare and pursuing an employment dream. I don't want to take a job I hate...and I'm not even sure they will take me anyway. There are still too many people that are younger and more eager to take those jobs. Where does that leave me? What can I do to alleviate this suffering?

I pray daily for some relief. I thank God for what he has given me. Yet I long for more. I long to be able to tell my mother that she can have what she needs to have done for her health and sanity's sake. I can see that some things will never be right for her. Her bitter spirit is sapping my strength. What does she have to be bitter about....I ask....realizing that I could be in the same boat if I had to deal with what she's dealing with now.

I can't let frustration get the best of me. I have to move forward.