Bothered by The Unrespectful and Unwelcome Attention

Yup...it's one of those posts. I am bothered though because it seems to me that there is no respect for those who put their lives on the line daily. I can understand a little bit how wearying that can be, to go day after day without hearing one word of thanks or praise. I aim to stop that now. I want to let police and firemen know how much I appreciate them.

It is hard. Sometimes it definitely feels like I'm going against a tidal wave of disrespect and apathy. Don't they know, I ask myself, what it all means? There are times, like yesterday, when I see a bit of light....a tiny measure of respect and admiration.

I can understand a little bit their frustration at how they (police) are being portrayed by the media at times. Their faults receive unwelcome attention. I fear for the erosion of justice when bad men feel that they can get away with anything with no consequences. It must be tough to see fellow officers face unjust sentences due to technicalities or because they'd been unjustly framed by those who have no clue about what they do.

They do deserve our respect. I am thankful that they are there maintaining the peace and protecting us from those who would do us harm. My group is planning to honor them in September and all those who sacrificed their all for their fellow citizens.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm a bit jealous of the young ones. They seem to have their whole life ahead of them. I admittedly have for the most part given up job searching as I had been. I'm too burnt out with rejection that I've to let it all go. I know what my problems are. I know that I have taken one step forward to grasp that ray of hope only to have it snatched away.

It is my fault. I can't seem to get any traction. I'm grateful for the freelance writing that I've been able to do. I'm also grateful for the many ideas that are swimming around, but nothing is sticking. Lord, help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of defending my continued lack of gainful employment or trying to play the fool to get that elusive job.

I often feel that I've taken two steps back and time is ticking for me to make something of myself. Why do I feel that I have to prove that I'm worthy of being noticed and compensated? What can I do about the people around me who are also struggling with lack of work and acknowledgement? I know that my current situation has gotten so deep that I don't know if I'll be able to escape it at all. Some days I just want to end it all, but then I realize that there is just so much to do and so many people who depend on me to do it all....without compensation....sigh....

Will someone somewhere see my worth? Yes. I have to believe that what I'm doing for others will make a difference in their lives....or give up.

Moving Forward With A New Beginning

It sometimes feels a bit scary to be taking in something new. I know that the pressure is on for me to do this. I also know that it is needed. There are going to be detractors. People that want to see you fail. There are also going to be those that wholeheartedly support you. It is for those people you want to shine. It is for those people you need to move forward and grasp the rings of opportunity.

I am going through a new beginning now. I don't know as yet what the future will hold for me. I want so many things. I need to be able to reach out and touch the young people with the message that local history is important. How do I do that? I am not sure. There are too many obstacles in front of me now to even speculate what needs to be done first.

The underlying theme has to be to reach the world with the love of Jesus. It sounds corny, but the reality is that things are dying and disappearing at an alarming rate. The only true answer is Jesus and the life in him.

I move forward in him. Every other way is death.

Honored and Overwhelmed

I've been busy these past two weeks learning more about the financial end of my non-profit business. I 've also been privileged and honored to meet with so many interesting people willing to help me get up to speed. I do have a long road ahead of me still. I am feeling pressured to have some sort of positive results from all my hard work.

It is a bit overwhelming and depressing at the same time. None of the older folk seem to grasp what I'm going through yet. They pressure me to find a "real job"....and sometimes I do want to go back to having one of those....It is definitely a lot more stable than what I'm trying to accomplish now. Many just don't understand that non-profits do in some ways have to run like a business, even though they don't have shareholders or a product/service they can sell.

I really can't explain yet why I feel compelled to do what I'm doing now. Some days it still feels like I'm spinning my "wheels" and getting nowhere fast. Other days I definitely feel that sense of accomplishment that comes when you know that you've made a difference in someone's life. Financial pressures are still there as well. I'm not sure what my next steps will be to secure some sort of steady income stream. I know I need one...and I know that I have to take the necessary steps to obtain one or two soon.

I do hope to find and secure those revenue streams for my sake and for my family's sake. I know they are feeling pressured as well....and maybe a bit tired of "covering for me"...when the reality is that they should be supporting me in this huge undertaking.

So Much To Do! So Little Time To Do it....

I'm definitely still feel overwhelmed. There is just too much information for me to handle by myself. I am glad that there is starting to be an interest in local history. I am also glad that eyes are starting to be opened about all the possibilities, yet I still have this nagging feeling that things will start falling apart again. I've been in this present situation for so long now that I've forgotten how good it feels to have a stable job. I envy those who do.

I know, however, that if I had a stable job now that I wouldn't be at all concerned about what is happening around me. I wouldn't care less about local history...maybe...or I wouldn't be as active as I am now. There is just so much to do. I do feel nervous.

We need a venue. We need to generate enough interest to justify the many costs involved with maintaining a building. There is so little time to do it all...and there are added pressures being placed on my shoulders. I don't like this feeling. Yet it is when I feel this way that I turn to the Lord the most. I start by reminding myself that he is in control.

He knows my situation and my needs. He understands the time pressures and the feeling of being overwhelmed. I need only to hand my cares and concerns to him, knowing that he has my best interest at heart. God's timing is perfect. I realize that when I consider the rapid growth of the society and the many projects that are now "blooming" under his guidance. Oh, Lord...let me not forget that you have everything in your hands and control belongs to you. Too many times I let myself get overwhelmed and worried about my circumstances not realizing that everything is going accordingly to his plan...not mine.

The Lord will provide the funds needed, the venue needed and the support needed for the museum. I just have to continue to press on, gathering the information and making the needed contacts. I can't wallow in despair when something appears to go wrong. I have to give it to him....and watch what happens.

Feeling Overwhelmed but Happy

Things are really starting to "heat up" at the society. I really like the participation that everyone has in the group. It is definitely great when everyone participates. I do hate when no one feels they can participate, and the meetings drag on.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed though with everything that is going on. I am still on the brink of financial disaster too....personally. If I could find someone to come alongside me to support my efforts...it would be great! I know I have so many people behind me already...that I feel overwhelmingly blessed. I am happy that things are going so well after that season of feeling as if everything was turning to dust.

Lord, there is still so much to deal with, so much to handle and so many variables. I am learning each day to trust you, but it's hard at times. I can stress myself out or leave things to God. I rather leave it all to God.

Oh, Lord....You know my needs. You know what steps I need to take. Help me to be the person you designed me to be and do your work. I am happy that you have chosen me for this work. Strengthen me and lead me in the way I should go. You know how I depend on you and your provision.

Thank you for the society, Lord and for every member in it. Bless them, Lord and show them your saving love.

Reflections on Passion Week

When I reflect on Passion week, my mind automatically goes to what Jesus must have gone through during this last week before his sacrifice. What could he have felt when it seemed as if no one understood the meaning of what he had been chosen to do? How many times have we forgotten the reasons why he came to Earth...I know that I still have some ways to go before I feel that I'm fit to be in his kingdom. Yet the beauty of it is that I don't have to be perfect....In fact God accepted me and loved me while I was a sinner. It still amazes me.

I know that it is so easy to forget and go about a normal routine without thought. My senses were jarred recently when I took stock in what I was doing. I realized that in some profound ways I have grown. In other ways I am still struggling.

Jesus struggled too....He knows my struggles. I can come to him and confess my sins. I am saddened when I do see and hear the Scripture being butchered on television. I ache because the word is being distorted by those who want to profit from lies. I think about the lies told in the Passion story...lies that were revealed in time...

I rejoice in the risen Savior....Jesus Christ.