Looking for a safe harbor from life's storms

This past week has been rough for me. I see the cracks on the walls and wonder if I will still have a house when everything settles down. I can't seem to settle down. So many wallow in despair. I am one of them. I am wallowing in my own pit of despair. Light seems so far away. Scriptures say "stop complaining." I try. It seems insurmountable and unattainable...this mountain I must climb. My soul has been rubbed raw by the words that hit my ears like driving rain.

I reach out and feel the support of my family. They know my struggles and my desire for a safe harbor. They have been there, being tossed and thrown from one place to another. I fear for those that threaten to take away my identity. They will realize that identity can't be stolen. I am God's child. He is my safe harbor from life's storms.

Times that try a person's soul

Often you have to step back and wonder what is going on inside a person's head to do what they do. They cite things that they think will make you say "yes", little realizing all you want to do is strangle them (not literally) for even thinking that way. You don't, of course, even though they can hear your sighs of frustration and anger. "Let it go." It's easy enough to say, but not so easy to do.

These are times that try a person's soul. Everyone is up in arms about something. You can't turn around without hearing about some poor soul murdered for food. You wonder what this world is coming to, but then realize that Satan has this world in his grip.

Yes, I can see the hurt. I feel overwhelmed by the pain I see in the faces all around me. Fear paralyzes them. I know that fear. I thank God for his protection every day. Will the time come when the Lord takes us home? Yes. He expects us to be prepared to meet him. How do I meet the needs of the people around me? I don't know. I can only trust God to help me and lead me in the way I should go. I'll leave the time to him.

Monotony dulls the senses

Funny when you think about your day to day experiences, you often think of the monotony of doing the same things over and over again. You tell yourself that tomorrow will be better. You tell others that you don't mind waiting around for a while. You don't. Yet eventually the monotony of it all dulls the senses. You don't think the way you thought before. There is no excitement, only dread.

You war against the feeling that seeps inside. You can't help feeling that you need some excitement, some spark of life. January, it seems, is a month that tends to start with excitement for the new year which quickly dies. Is there anything to do about it? No. You just have to hold on...think about the future....dream like you used to do before the information overload buried you.

Sadly, most of us let our dreams overtake us. We long for something we can't have.

Time passages

It seems like only yesterday when I started this blog, but it's been two years. My basic premise when I started was to focus in on time. I've always had a intense fascination with time. I think it comes from an experience I had when I was seven years old back in 1970. That year seemed special to me, even though nothing really special happened. Some will recall that year as the year that Apollo 13 almost had that horrible accident in space. Others will recall the Kent State shooting and all that entailed, but since I was only seven...nothing really special happened....except I relived that year twice.

Yes, I know what you are thinking right about now. How can you go through a year twice? I did. I remember certain things that happened during that first 1970 that didn't happen during the second 1970. One of the biggest is Apollo 13. When I first read the history book that year (I was a precocious child) I noticed that the book clearly said that the Apollo program skipped over the number 13 due to superstitions. When I read it again (second 1970) Apollo 13 was mentioned along with its near disastrous results. I remember feeling a chill go up and down my spine. This, of course, wasn't the only clue I had but it was the biggest. It was like going through a time passage....

A New Year's resolution

Every year around this time you make these New Year resolutions. You know the ones. You decide to take the "bull by the horns" and do what you always wanted to do. Then it all falls apart, and you weep for what might have been. How much easier it would be not to make any resolutions. Instead you work towards meaningful and measurable goals.

What are those goals, you may ask? You wonder if you will be able to accomplish them. You can't dwell on the negative because that will drag you down. Instead you concentrate on the positive. This is hard. Our natural tendency is to dwell on the negative, not the positive.

We need to fight that natural tendency, and decide for ourselves to focus in on the positive aspects of a story instead of the ugly ones. Maybe by doing this we can create a meadow of sunshine and flowers.

Waiting for the End and a New Beginning

I spent the last four days reflecting on my current situation at work and the changes made by those who hadn't a clue what their words would do. I wanted to deny their impact on my world, but I couldn't. At this time of year, the words were potent to the coming storm of changes that threaten to wreck my sanity. I can't let them, I told myself.

Words are powerful. They bring light into the world. Most reject that light. They tell themselves that nothing had changed. They are waiting, as most of the world is, for the End. For most this means the end of everything. Can I deny this any longer? No, I can't deny the light...nor can I reject the light. I must embrace the light.

I sense that this is a hard thing to do. No one likes to embrace the blinding light that shows them for what they are. Instead they prefer to keep in the dark, hiding from the truth. They cringe at the thought of a New Beginning....Yet every year around this time, there is a sense that next year will be better. They want that New Beginnings. If I were honest with myself, I would want it too.

A Rocky week or Learning to lean

I had a rocky week last week. I wanted to scream but just didn't have the energy to do so. You're supposed to be happy, I told myself, but what is happiness anyway? It's fleeting. It disappears the moment your circumstances change. My stomach is still churning from all the changes. They tell you that they are good changes and that you should "buck up" and accept them. Your mind and heart reject them. You long for stability and reliability. You get neither. Instead everyone seems to have their head in the sand waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Just about this time, you realize that your resources are gone. You have to learn to lean on the one who made the stars. It is a freeing thought. You ponder anew at his amazing love and wonder why he sacrificed his son for us. "Was it all worth it?" I can image that he smiles and tells me, "Yes, it was all worth it."

I have to agree. The trials I'm going through now are worth it, if one person sees the Lord through me and the way I handle crisis. I am like everyone else though. I don't like going through the crisis even though I know that it's making me a better person. I much rather coast through life....but wouldn't that be boring. Maybe all this change will be good for me. I have to keep telling myself that even when my current circumstances don't make me feel that way.