Trials & Tribulations-Leaning on God through tough times

Time weighs heavy on my mind when I think of all the time wasted waiting for something to happen. I try to understand why everything seems to be falling apart around me. I struggle to make myself heard above the din of everyday life. I ache for those that are "drowning" in a sea of despair waiting for a lifeline. Will I be that lifeline? No, I won't. I can't do it by myself. I have to lean on God. I know that only he can see me through these trials and tribulations.

It's hard waiting. You want to do something, anything to pass the heavy burden that seems to weigh you down. Wasted time and energy sap your strength. You wonder will anything ever be the same again. Tightly you close your eyes against the ugly images that want to claim your sanity. You know the devils of this world want to lead you away. They whisper in your ear that you are worthless and alone, when you know you're not either.

Lift up your head, see your salvation coming in the form of a small baby born in a lowly manger. Wow! With God, nothing is impossible. Without him, nothing is possible.

Much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving

I got a wake up call last week. I didn't want to accept what was happening, nor did I want to believe it. I should have. Frankly I should have seen it coming in June when they first told me of the changes. I wanted to scream then. Maybe I should have. Instead I accepted it. What you may ask am I accepting? I am accepting the fact that men and women are evil and selfish. I know that is human nature. We assume that everything is ours for the taking. We assume that everything is going to remain the same. It doesn't.

Yet I do have much to be thankful for, as I reflect on the implosion of the world around me. You might think I'm being harsh with my wording. I know that just how I felt when everything seemed to explode in my face last week....not literally, but figuratively. I can be thankful that I still have a job, even though right now things are rather precarious. I can be thankful that there is still food on my table, shelter for my body, heat, electricity and running water. I can be thankful that for now I have freedom of speech and control over my own body....that could change with new healthcare legislation. Most of all I can be thankful that through it all God is in control.

Bountiful Blessings-Keeping Positive in Bad Times

I got a rueful reminder today of what it means to be thankful for what you have. Once I realized what was happening, I had to step back and reassess everything. It's funny but not so funny when you realize that the world in which you settled in has suddenly changed. The only thing that keeps you going is knowing that there are people around you that are going through the same upheaval.

There are, I have to tell myself at times like these, bountiful blessings all around me. There are many things to be thankful for and rejoice in the Lord for...like having a roof over my head, food on my table and family that loves and supports me. I know I was a little rough with my last blog, but admittedly who hasn't felt that way about receptions. I want to, however, say that my niece is happily married to the man she loves and I don't think anything will change.

My heart still aches. I still struggle with circumstances that seem to loom in front of me. I know that some people think I'm too sensitive, or I should have a thicker skin. I can't. Instead I will continue to rely on the Lord for he is in control. I will tell myself that I can't let it get to me. I have to remain positive even when it seems as if the negative will overrun and overtake me. I won't lie. It isn't easy. It is hard. You want to scream, but you hold it in.

Yet, I can praise God even though this rough patch on the road of life. I can thank God for bringing people into my life, and I can pray for those that need it. Lord, thank you for allowing me to be your witness and for the bountiful blessings you bestow on me from day to day.

Post Wedding Blues-I'm getting too old for this!!!

My niece got married last Friday. It was a beautiful wedding, but the reception left much to be desired. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not even a teetotaler. I don't drink...period. Yet, that's what the whole reception was geared towards. I keep remembering my cousins, and how they used to...and probably still do...drink. Yes, I know the all the reasons behind it. I also know that it ruined my outlook on the marriage...not that I'm against it. Marriage is a beautiful commitment between two people that love each other.

I have to question the motivation when it seems like as soon as you arrive at the reception you are almost expected to get liquored up. My impression remained bad as the night deteriorated and the music (noise) got louder and louder. Finally I just left. I couldn't take it anymore.

Unfortunately I didn't get any wedding case as it was 9 pm when I left and they were just getting around to almost serving dessert! I'm getting too old for this travesty and long for the days when everyone could dance to the nice, soft music or the silly songs of my youth that they used to play at weddings. I am dating myself when I say that I remember the "Electric slide" and the "Funky chicken." Those were and still are fun songs that even the littlest can enjoy.

Maybe I am an old fogey or just set in my ways. I hate the electronic noise the young call music. It depresses me, and makes me sad for the young couple.

All Saints Day

Today is the day to reflect on those who have gone before us. In doing this research and now attempting to write it all down, I'm realizing that there is a lot that I'm missing. I think about the special people that have established a way of life here in this little town that no one knows. I'm finding it hard to find the right words and it's scary.

I know now why they call them "deadlines". It's because you feel like you're going to die before you finish. It is funny. I am slowly but surely putting all my thoughts together in coherent form. I pray constantly now that I will be able to finish it. I know that there is a lot of people depending on me to finish on time. Sometimes it feels as if there is just too much pressure.

I tell myself today that I will put down everything in a rough draft. I can't worry about word structure now. I need to put it all down. My mind wanders again to those saints that have sacrificed all to make sure I have something to remember.

Taking time to pray

How often we rush about worrying about things we can't possibly fix. We try to push ourselves in too many different directions without taking any time to step back and pray. It is funny and scary in a way that we rely too much on ourselves or on the government to fix things. We are fools to think that we can fix what's broken. Maybe there is a reason that things are broken. Maybe we need to reach out to God like we did before.

How can we say that we trust the Lord when we are not willing to let go of those things that are too much for us to handle alone? How can we point fingers when we ourselves can't see what's right in front of us? My heart sometimes sickens when I realize how wrong I've been. I try and struggle to do what I feel is necessary, not realizing that I may be making things worse.

We all need to take time to pray. Once we do, then we will realize that God has us in his hands and he won't let us go.

A typical week or learning to lean on God

I haven't had a typical week for a while now. I had weeks that have taken me to the depths of despair and back to the lofty heights. I had other weeks where I didn't even know where I was going. Usually I complain about the situation I'm currently in, not realizing that in doing so that I'm deserting God. How foolish! I know I have to learn to lean on God more. It's a hard lesson for most of us....some would say it's a Western mindset, but I discount that.

I believe that we all feel that somebody owes us something. We walk around oblivious to the world around us. Who can we blame for our inattention? We rush, and don't stop to look at what we are doing to ourselves and the people around us. I guess that is why I've always had a fascination with time and loved time travel stories. You see in time travel stories the main character has no choice but to stop and look around him or her at the strange new (old) world around him/her.

You have to lean on God. It's impossible to lean on anyone else. I am learning that I can't depend on the people around me, nor can I really depend on myself. I need that anchor even in a typical week.