Stepping Forward in Faith

This week has been a little overwhelming. You all know my struggles, at least those that I've made public...that is. I have learned that I really need to step forward in faith. It is scary. I don't have the support system I had before. I do have friends and family that have really stepped up. Yet I still struggle. I know I should trust God and I do. Sometimes life gets overwhelming as I try to process everything.

I am learning to focus on what matters to me. I am learning to lean on God, knowing that he loves me. I am learning to let go and dream. It has been difficult to remain positive and step forward in faith. It's not impossible. I have been thinking about my dream job lately, trying to visualize what it would entail. I think I'd like to be archivist, but it seems like an impossible goal. I like what the archivist does in researching and documenting history.

History is so important. Our history is what defines us. It gives us our identity. As I step forward in faith and wait on the Lord's leading, I am reminded that he has the perfect plan and purpose for me. I don't feel selfish to wish for his plan to move forward. There is so much that I have learned and that I am still learning.

People talk about history disappearing. I've also heard that history is often rewritten to reflect distorted images of truth. I believe that truth always pushes through. It is never hidden. When I feel stuck and overwhelmed by the tasks that need to be done, I pray for calmness and release. I know that I'm not alone. I do thank God that he holds me in his hands so that I can step forward in faith knowing that he will hold me up.

Moving Forward and Not Back: A Lesson in Humility

These past two weeks have been a bit strained as I struggled a bit with the new normal. You might be thinking that I should be past this by now. It has been a year since my mother passed. I let go of the guilt I felt back then. I have in some ways moved forward. Some days are better than others.

I am learning a lesson in humility. Pride sometimes gets in the way. I struggle because there's just something that just doesn't want to let go. I can't get pass it. I really want to. I want to be used by God in whatever capacity he deems me to be used.

Tomorrow we will commemorate the day when the world changed forever. We will mourn those that lost their lives that long ago day, but we will also thank God that they aren't here. You may wonder why I say that. The country those people knew is definitely not the same country we know today.

It was on that day that America proved its vulnerability to outside attacks. It also opened the floodgates for those who would tear this country apart at the seams. We didn't realize then. There was a brief time of patriotism and unity with the shared tragedy. It didn't last long. We moved forward and not back. We didn't want to think about what just happened. There was no rallying cry for revenge that time because there was no country or person responsible. At least that was what the news media had us believing at the time.

America was no longer invincible. Our core beliefs in the morals that our grandparents learned weren't there to guide us. We were left drifting and humiliated. Some would have us believe that we could go back to that time of prideful ignorance. We can't. We have already been attacked from within. Yet there is hope for those who haven't turned their backs on God and his plan.

We shouldn't continue to rely on America and its leadership to run our lives. We should pray for that leadership that they make wise decisions but we can't depend on them. We do have to move forward and not back while we learn lessons in humility.

It won't be easy. No one ever said life would be easy. We do need more than ever to lean on God through his son Jesus Christ. God's plan is perfect. We need to start accepting that maybe God's plan is to let America fall. It is a scary thought. I do believe that God has used and will continue to use those in powerful places. They may not understand how they are being used or why it's happening. Yet if we are humble enough, we'll see God at work. We don't need to understand. We just have to trust him.

Mourning The Loss of A Financial Institution That's Been Around Since 1853

Today was the first official day of the merger of what was a really good banking institution to one that has some really bad reviews. A lot of the former customers of the bank that was merged with this new/old banking institution are very unhappy. I can't say that I blame them. We've all gotten used to the old bank and are a bit steamed at being railroaded into this new/old banking institution. I won't name names here.

There are some things to be thankful for in the transition. The new/old banking institution is giving us until March before they start instituting their fees. I hope that they stick with this. I do believe even with this waving of fees there will be at least half of the customers leaving for "greener" pastures. I can tell them truthfully that there really are no "greener" pastures. I've been through this at least three times already. I can still remember all three times.

I hung on that first time when the bank that I had been banking with changed names. The second time something happened and I had to change banks. The third time the bank merged with a foreign entity which made me uncomfortable, so I switched banks. This time around I may go with a credit union. I am grateful that I have this opportunity to discover what a new bank can do for me.

I learned the hard way not to tie up my money with direct deposits to my account. It takes at least three weeks for everything to be straightened out. That was a while ago, so things may have changed. I do have to change a few things now as I get used to this new/old banking institution. My prayer is that my personal information is still safe and my accounts haven't been touched. It is very nerve wracking when you hear stories about people who used this institution having serious issues.

I am hanging on for now waiting for the dust to settle before I make any changes. I do mourn the loss of that financial institution as I feel like I'm on shaky ground. I am praying for security and wisdom as I research financial institutions that will suit my needs. I pray for all those that are affected by this transition as well. I know some employees of that financial institution are mourning with me.

Not Giving In To The Socialist Agenda: Moving Forward

Things are starting to look up. It has been a long time that since I succumbed to the pressure of financial instability. I am only now starting to see a light ahead of me that wasn't there before. I know that I had to go through the trials in order to realize what a great God we have.

Yes, it does seem like the forces of evil are touting enslavement through socialism. I trust that God is in control. He has a plan for us. We can move forward away from the enslaving forces of socialism. I know the struggles many of us still have. We are being manipulated to feel a certain way.

There is no reason to fear that the socialists will take over this country. God loves us. He rejects those who reject him. We have to continue to repent of our sins and our rejection. Socialists reject God. You have to believe that God is bigger than the socialists. It may seem rosy and good to have something for nothing. This is Satan's ploy. He waves the "toys" around, making them look attractive. He tells you and tempts you to "go ahead and take a bite of that apple."

Yes, this is the socialist agenda to promise free stuff to the masses, only to realize that the free stuff isn't really free. I have to admit that I have succumbed from time to time. Who doesn't like free stuff? I am realizing however that there is just too great a price attached to that free stuff. It makes ordinary people do strange things.

Our country does need help. Our young people, especially need help to realize what they are embracing is temporary and fleeting. We do need to get back to our roots, but also move forward. I am not giving in to the socialist agenda. I am not going back to povertyville but trusting God to pull me out. I have to move forward, relying on God to guide me through.

I know I do have to start shaking off the chains that have bound me up for so long. I have to start claiming the salvation that the Lord has given me. I thank God for all he is doing, all he has done and all that he will do. I can move forward and not give in to the fear of a socialist government.

Working My Way Out of Povertyville

Last week I finally broke down and took care of the issue I was having. I got help. I am glad I did. There are still things I'll probably need to face. I know that I can't do it all alone. If I am going to continue my progress out of poverty I am going to have to reach out to others. It is a fools errand to think that I can do anything under my own power and with my own resources.

I met some amazing people. I am realizing that I don't have to be afraid anymore. I can step out of my comfort zone. No one ever said it would be easy. Sometimes I do wish it was.

I still have a long way to go. I have to be patient. I can't let things stress me out anymore. It is hard to be patient. You want things now, not tomorrow. You wish that you could do the things you want to do. Yet I am realizing more and more that the things that you want to do aren't necessarily the things that are good for you to do.

Looking at my life now I know that I really do still have a lot going for me. I got to start focusing on the positive, not the negative. I know myself a little better.

There are many tasks before me. There are many choices to make. As I work my way out of poverty, I do have to keep in mind my goals. I set some mini-goals that are easy to do. The first mini-goal is to release the negative mindset. That negative mindset is hindering me from reaching my goal of sustainable work. The second mini-goal is to continue to dream about possible jobs I can do without paying for more education. Dreaming is easy. I do have a passion for historic preservation. That is a wide field that I'm still discovering after three years. Yet my passion hasn't waned. There are jobs out there for people in that field. The daunting aspect is that most of the jobs require a masters degree. I can't do that now.

I can't help thinking that I could make a job for myself in this field. I'm just not sure where to begin. Any job would require me to get more involved with the government. It does seem that the government has taken more and more control.

I don't like this control because it makes it hard to get out of poverty. You become dependent on the government for your welfare. As I work my way out of povertyville, I do have to find a way to cut the government cord. Please pray for me.

Living and Finding Hope

It really actually felt like hell this past week with temperatures of over 100 degrees. I didn't get by unscathed or untouched. Right now I'm dealing with something I'm not sure I have the strength to face. It has affected how I'm living right now. I'm trying to find hope that things will clear up. It is scary, I have to admit.

I hear of friends going through trials. I feel for them. It isn't easy to keep a smile on your face when you're going through a particularly hard trial. You wonder why. There doesn't seem to be any easy answers. You tell yourself that things just have to get better for all of us. Yet every day it seems that things are getting worse.

It doesn't matter. You tell yourself. Maybe I am just fooling myself to keep handing onto hope. No, my God knows me. It does matter. Hope can bloom in a vacuum. I hang onto the Lord's promises for a good life. He won't give me anything that I can't handle.

I am admittedly scared. It is hard to know what to do. Even after so long a time, I miss my Dad. He would know what to do. At least I like to think he would.

It won't be long some people say. I am living now in the hope of the Lord's return. I am finding hope in God's word. I can stand on his promises for my life even when I'm scared. I confess my fear to the Lord. He takes it away.

I pray for healing. This old world needs it.

Living in Paradise vs. Living in Hell

You might think that this title is kind of strange. Who in the right mind would choose to live in hell? Yet this is what we do. We forget all the Lord has done for us. We can't remember his promises or what life can be. We are envious of those who seem to have it all together.

You could be wrong. Those people that you think are living in Paradise could be fooling you and themselves. God is not a god of deception and lies. He doesn't change as many think. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. We don't have to be envious of those who have it all together. We just have to realize and reach out. No one has to live in Hell.

I have to ask myself why I continue to struggle. I should be content. I am, according to most of the world, living in Paradise. I have all that I need because the Lord supplies it. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. Yet I still let petty things crowd my mind. I'm sometimes not grateful and find myself looking up from the pit of despair. I know that sin wars with my being sometimes making me do things I wouldn't ordinarily do. Thus the struggle...

I have a redeemer. I don't have to live in Hell. I can choose to follow the Lord. When I reflect on God's Word I start to realize that he has a good plan for my life. I don't have to struggle. I can rest in him.

Right now it might not seem like your life is going anywhere. You may feel that the circumstances you are in make it feel like you're living in hell. You may wonder if there is any way out. There is. I've been going through a rough patch, but God is with me. I look forward to living in paradise with him.