Dwelling on our own mortality-reflections

Sometimes we are so quick to say that things will always remain the same. None of us realize the brevity of life. We assume that each day we will have breath, we'll be in the same situation and that eventually everything we ever wanted to happen would happen. Life doesn't happen that way. We don't always get what we want, but we always get what we need.

I want to cry sometimes for the unfairness of it all. I watch the people I love around me falter as they try to recapture their youth. No one realizes that youth is fleeting, never to be visited again. Some try. I feel their ache as my own. I know in my heart that I have to make the most of the time I have here on Earth. This also is hard to do when it seems as if someone is pushing you one way, while another person is pulling you in another direction. What do we do? Do we give up, as some have done? It is tempting to do just that. You tell yourself and any one else who will listen that you have the right not to care. It is foolish, an inner voice tells you. You shut it off. You tell yourself that you're not going to listen to the wisdom of the words being spoken.

Shutting yourself off isn't the answer. You have to open yourself up, especially during those times when your inner voice screams to be left alone. It's hard. Everyone knows it. Speaking of mortality takes some courage, because we come to realize then that things won't remain the same. Some day soon we'll all part this mortal curtain. When we do, what will we find? Our fears tell us that we'll find loneliness and despair. Our hopes tell us that all our finest dreams will come true. Yet, if we're being logical, we know that it will be neither hope or despair that will greet us. Logic only takes us so far. It is cold and unfeeling, and doesn't take into account God's love for us.

The greatest marvel is that God loves us.

Trying to be tough and not succeeding

Yes, you read the title right. How many times have you tried being tough? Hard, wasn't it? It's not easy to stand and take the "medicine" of malicious people around you. You know that some of their criticism is right. You have to stop being so thin-skinned, so you can stand up. It's funny sometimes we think that we are so strong, so capable that nothing or nobody can stand in our way. Other times it's extremely difficult, if not impossible to stand at all.

I've had that kind of week. I know that this is the time when you have to let go, and not try to tough it out. I know I'm not going to succeed on my own. I know I need the support of family and friends to see me through and most importantly I need to continue to lean on God.

We do fight daily against the forces of evil. Sometimes it's quite easy to give in to the lusts and desires that vie for your attention. That's why you can't do it yourself. You are not strong enough to try and be tough. I think that is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't depend on myself, nor can I depend on others...I have to depend on God. It's not that far fetched an idea, that dependence on God. It makes a whole lot of sense actually since he's in charge of everything anyway. Who are we fooling when we try to be tough? Ourselves, mostly and the people around us.

Dreaming of a better world-fantasy or reality

You would think by now that I would face reality. I haven't. I still hold out hope, because it is the only thing that keeps me going. I do dream of a better world. I don't think it's fantasy to believe that things will get better. Some would say that reality is that things are getting worse. I hear about all the violence around me and cringe. I know the fears that all of us have. Yet I still dream. I can't fathom the world my little nieces will grow up in. Maybe for their sakes, and for their contemporaries, I wish for a better world. Is it an impossible dream? Only the Lord knows for sure.

I know the Lord has a plan for me. He wants me to dream of that better world, and share the vision with others. I know that I can't bemoan the present state of this fallen world. All I can do is try to change my corner of it by being open to those in need around me. I can't be afraid to reach out. Maybe if I did more of that, then I could in some small way make a better world.

Welcome to the World

We welcomed into the world a baby girl Saturday, May 19th. Actually she is my newest niece. I now have three nieces...how cool is that! Aubrey Rae was two weeks early, but welcomed nevertheless. I also "birthed", if you can call it that, a new book. I'm like any parent, still a bit nervous about what's coming next. It's hard to let go. You know you must, because God's will is done.

I truly believe God had his hand on this project from the beginning and have to believe that he will continue to have his hand in it. Just like a new baby, you have to believe that God has his hands on him or her. I know God will bless this little one and that God has great things in store for her.

Overwhelmed but hanging on

As you can see from the date on this post, I deviated from my usual Tuesday blog. I do that from time to time as work requires me to get away from the computer. Yes, I know what you are thinking. What work could she possibly mean? Being in the writing profession, you don't get a lot of recognition and you "fight" with thousands of other writers to get your words in print....Yes, I do know how easy it is nowadays to get something out. Any one can do it.

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by everything that's been going on both in the world and in my own personal life. I am hanging on, and I am grateful to the Lord for this time. I know my loved ones are growing impatient with me as they don't understand the quagmire that is the job market today. I can't fault them for that. I often wish for a simple process to get the job I know is out there for me. I know the Lord will put me in a position that will suit me, but for now I hang on.

In a waiting mode-Trying to pick up the pieces

Two weeks ago now, I saw my last regular paycheck. Some have probably already guessed my current status. I knew a good part of it was that I was unwilling to continue to float from one place to another. Dealing with one company is work enough for me. Right now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward. It's hard. A lot of my life did revolve around my job. I didn't live, eat and breathe it, but I came very close at one time.

I'm now at what some would call a waiting mode. I wait for someone to get back to me. I continue my research and I pray for my sanity. Some days time seems like an anvil. I know plenty of others are in the same situation. They want to work. They ache for some purpose to take away this feeling of dread that envelopes them when they think about the future. Yes, I admit I'm scared. Who wouldn't be?

Tough times but strong people

I have my ups and downs...times when I feel as if the world is going to end and other times when I feel as if I have the world at my feet. I look at the strong people around me. I wonder how they manage through the tough times. Is there some magic formula that gets them through? Or is it only by sheer will that they stand straight and tall through it all?

I am learning through this tough time that nothing is concrete but God. I know that it's only through him that I can stand strong. I know this, but it's hard to put into practice. Time seems to slip through your fingers. You keep putting it off or saying I can do it myself. How foolish!

Even the experts tell you that you can't. Yet that is just what we all want to do. We worry and don't trust God that he has the best plan for us. We complain when it seems as if everything is falling apart. We hide our true feelings and don't give ourselves time to heal from the hurt that still rips us apart.