In a waiting mode-Trying to pick up the pieces

Two weeks ago now, I saw my last regular paycheck. Some have probably already guessed my current status. I knew a good part of it was that I was unwilling to continue to float from one place to another. Dealing with one company is work enough for me. Right now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward. It's hard. A lot of my life did revolve around my job. I didn't live, eat and breathe it, but I came very close at one time.

I'm now at what some would call a waiting mode. I wait for someone to get back to me. I continue my research and I pray for my sanity. Some days time seems like an anvil. I know plenty of others are in the same situation. They want to work. They ache for some purpose to take away this feeling of dread that envelopes them when they think about the future. Yes, I admit I'm scared. Who wouldn't be?

Tough times but strong people

I have my ups and downs...times when I feel as if the world is going to end and other times when I feel as if I have the world at my feet. I look at the strong people around me. I wonder how they manage through the tough times. Is there some magic formula that gets them through? Or is it only by sheer will that they stand straight and tall through it all?

I am learning through this tough time that nothing is concrete but God. I know that it's only through him that I can stand strong. I know this, but it's hard to put into practice. Time seems to slip through your fingers. You keep putting it off or saying I can do it myself. How foolish!

Even the experts tell you that you can't. Yet that is just what we all want to do. We worry and don't trust God that he has the best plan for us. We complain when it seems as if everything is falling apart. We hide our true feelings and don't give ourselves time to heal from the hurt that still rips us apart.

Weighted down and overwhelmed

Do you ever get the feeling that you are weighted down and overwhelmed by life? I've been feeling that way these past weeks as I try valiantly to conquer the sea of despair that is the current job market. I do see it in the faces of the people that I meet daily. I see it when I go here on-line with all stories of people struggling just to find meaning in life. I started a new blog entitled "Unemployment stories" which will have stories of people that are feeling overwhelmed by the obstacles that they are facing now that they are unemployed.

This blog will continue to be about time and random thoughts about God. I'm hoping with this new blog to post my progress through this unsettled period and gather stories from others as well.

Blown away by blessings

Yes, I have had a tough month dealing with loss. No, it wasn't the earth shattering loss that brings a person to his/her knees. It was the kind of loss all of us are experiencing nowadays with the terrible economy. This kind of loss, they tell you at my stage of life, can be devastating because for some your employment defines who you are. Yet I have been blown away by blessings. I can say with utmost confidence that the Lord is with me, and that he is still providing for my needs even now.

I don't know what my future will hold now. No one really does. Some may say they do or try to predict it in many ways, but they don't. The hardest lesson I learned and that I'm still learning is to trust God. Most of us, myself included, prefer to trust ourselves or any number of things not realizing that ultimately God is in control. I tell myself this every day whenever I feel as if my world is collapsing all around me or I hear about the violence that has taken another life. God does have a plan for my life, and I need to be open to it.

I am grateful to have this avenue to express my thoughts, for support from my friends and family and for God's provision.

Dry as a bone

Funny, I often consider those words when I think hard about our current situation. Not very pleasant to think that everything is as dry as a bone. I recall the words from Ezekiel 37 that mentioned a valley of dry bones and how they came to life again. I sense that this perfectly describes what the whole world is experiencing now. We don't have any nourishment, because it has been taken away. We've turned our backs on the one who can give us that nourishment. Why? Can we not trust that he will do as he promised? Can we not see that this "valley of dry bones" that we find ourselves in will someday flourish?

The dictionary definition of "dry as a bone" could be summed up as an extreme lack of water. That gets me on another thought track when I realize how precious a commodity water is. We assume, wrongly, that it will always be there. Yet some tell us that it is scarce and becoming scarcer.

I think of the "Living water", and remember what he said in his word about drinking the living water and never thirsting again. Only he can provide the nourishment we need to survive in this world. Only he can supply us with rain enough to void the saying "dry as a bone." He is our great provider.

April Showers-Where are they?

When I think about April showers, I remember what my grandmother used to say about how they bring May flowers. With the weather we've been having lately, most of the early spring flowers are already out and the cherry blossoms are gone. I missed them.

All those old sayings seem quaint now. Memories of those times are fading. I try to bring them back, but they disappear. Why, you may ask, do I want to hang onto those memories? I don't have a good answer. Maybe I fight for simplicity. Those memories make it seem as everything was simple. I know it wasn't.

I'm settling in now, trying to see through the clouds of darkness that threaten to undo me. I think that when I reflect that this dark time is like the dark clouds and rain that water the earth, I begin to understand more that there is a light ahead. I don't need to look behind me to see that things will work out. I have to look forward, see that ahead there are the beautiful vistas waiting for me. Much like the April Showers that water the earth, this dark time will prove beneficial to my growth. Without any trial...dark time, then there can be no vistas of glory.

This is mind blowing. To imagine that God sent his son to die....to go through the agony and despair....for us! Wow! The Lord had his dark time in Gethsemane and on the cross. Then Resurrection morning came and he shook off the power of death. Praise God for April Showers!

A step back to move forward

Last week I went through a bit of a shock. I tried my best to reason it out, and now have an even better understanding of what happened. I'm calling it a learning experience that could have turned out worse than it did. I've had to take a step back to see what I was doing, regroup and move forward. I can't say that I'm all there yet or that I'm not still in what some call a stage of grief even though no one died.

I am blessed to have so much support. I am blessed that I can move forward and that I do have the resources and tools to do it. It is going to be scary too. I realize that. No one in my position can rightfully say that he/she has it made or that they can go it alone. I know this with my project. Without other people's support, I'm sunk before I start. So I'm grateful to the Lord for bringing me friends and family that support me wholeheartedly.

Time will come, and I know this, that I will in turn support them. I pray that I'm just as supportive as they have been to me.