Monotony dulls the senses

Funny when you think about your day to day experiences, you often think of the monotony of doing the same things over and over again. You tell yourself that tomorrow will be better. You tell others that you don't mind waiting around for a while. You don't. Yet eventually the monotony of it all dulls the senses. You don't think the way you thought before. There is no excitement, only dread.

You war against the feeling that seeps inside. You can't help feeling that you need some excitement, some spark of life. January, it seems, is a month that tends to start with excitement for the new year which quickly dies. Is there anything to do about it? No. You just have to hold on...think about the future....dream like you used to do before the information overload buried you.

Sadly, most of us let our dreams overtake us. We long for something we can't have.

Time passages

It seems like only yesterday when I started this blog, but it's been two years. My basic premise when I started was to focus in on time. I've always had a intense fascination with time. I think it comes from an experience I had when I was seven years old back in 1970. That year seemed special to me, even though nothing really special happened. Some will recall that year as the year that Apollo 13 almost had that horrible accident in space. Others will recall the Kent State shooting and all that entailed, but since I was only seven...nothing really special happened....except I relived that year twice.

Yes, I know what you are thinking right about now. How can you go through a year twice? I did. I remember certain things that happened during that first 1970 that didn't happen during the second 1970. One of the biggest is Apollo 13. When I first read the history book that year (I was a precocious child) I noticed that the book clearly said that the Apollo program skipped over the number 13 due to superstitions. When I read it again (second 1970) Apollo 13 was mentioned along with its near disastrous results. I remember feeling a chill go up and down my spine. This, of course, wasn't the only clue I had but it was the biggest. It was like going through a time passage....

A New Year's resolution

Every year around this time you make these New Year resolutions. You know the ones. You decide to take the "bull by the horns" and do what you always wanted to do. Then it all falls apart, and you weep for what might have been. How much easier it would be not to make any resolutions. Instead you work towards meaningful and measurable goals.

What are those goals, you may ask? You wonder if you will be able to accomplish them. You can't dwell on the negative because that will drag you down. Instead you concentrate on the positive. This is hard. Our natural tendency is to dwell on the negative, not the positive.

We need to fight that natural tendency, and decide for ourselves to focus in on the positive aspects of a story instead of the ugly ones. Maybe by doing this we can create a meadow of sunshine and flowers.

Waiting for the End and a New Beginning

I spent the last four days reflecting on my current situation at work and the changes made by those who hadn't a clue what their words would do. I wanted to deny their impact on my world, but I couldn't. At this time of year, the words were potent to the coming storm of changes that threaten to wreck my sanity. I can't let them, I told myself.

Words are powerful. They bring light into the world. Most reject that light. They tell themselves that nothing had changed. They are waiting, as most of the world is, for the End. For most this means the end of everything. Can I deny this any longer? No, I can't deny the light...nor can I reject the light. I must embrace the light.

I sense that this is a hard thing to do. No one likes to embrace the blinding light that shows them for what they are. Instead they prefer to keep in the dark, hiding from the truth. They cringe at the thought of a New Beginning....Yet every year around this time, there is a sense that next year will be better. They want that New Beginnings. If I were honest with myself, I would want it too.

A Rocky week or Learning to lean

I had a rocky week last week. I wanted to scream but just didn't have the energy to do so. You're supposed to be happy, I told myself, but what is happiness anyway? It's fleeting. It disappears the moment your circumstances change. My stomach is still churning from all the changes. They tell you that they are good changes and that you should "buck up" and accept them. Your mind and heart reject them. You long for stability and reliability. You get neither. Instead everyone seems to have their head in the sand waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Just about this time, you realize that your resources are gone. You have to learn to lean on the one who made the stars. It is a freeing thought. You ponder anew at his amazing love and wonder why he sacrificed his son for us. "Was it all worth it?" I can image that he smiles and tells me, "Yes, it was all worth it."

I have to agree. The trials I'm going through now are worth it, if one person sees the Lord through me and the way I handle crisis. I am like everyone else though. I don't like going through the crisis even though I know that it's making me a better person. I much rather coast through life....but wouldn't that be boring. Maybe all this change will be good for me. I have to keep telling myself that even when my current circumstances don't make me feel that way.

Flying high and falling flat

Have you ever experienced the feeling of flying high above the troubles of the world? You forget everything and see the world as if it were a tiny speck. Sometimes when the world lays you low and you feel as if you're falling flat on your face, you reach for those moments. Those moments of high emotions are fleeting thankfully. Most days are ordinary. You walk through them, little realizing the simple things that strike you in a moment's time.

Especially this time of year, I notice more as I watch the children's faces light up with joy. They don't get sucked in by the commercialism, as some would have you believe. Being a child is discovering love in the simple caress. It doesn't take much. All it does take is time.

Time is a gift. Each moment holds its own joy. We choose whether or not to squander or save the time. It is funny how some moments are thrust upon you, while others sneak up on you unexpectedly. I know it's hard to embrace the changes that threaten to rock your world. That's why I'm thankful that God never changes. He is faithful even when we are not. I marvel at his perfect timing.

Remembering Pearl Harbor

A day that will live in infamy. That was what President Franklin Roosevelt said that Sunday when the world seemed to collapse all around us. I wasn't born then, and my father was only a little boy at the time...yet memories of that long ago day often resurface especially today. Some compare what happened September 11, 2001 to that day, but I feel that there is no comparison. Those of us who actually visited the site where the ships went down know what I mean. Those that visited the World Trade Center site also know. Comparing the two tragedies is wrong.

Instead, now that we know a lot more about what happened both at Pearl Harbor and in New York that horrible day, we can see the differences very clearly. Yes, people did rally around the flag both times, but unfortunately the glaring difference is that we had no real enemy to focus on when the attacks on 9/11 happened. We did in 1941. We had Japan. What happened next made us stronger and weaker at the same time. Stronger because we went to the aid of those who needed us, and weaker because we punished those we shouldn't have because of their nationality.

I was stationed at Hickam back in the 1980s and heard the stories of the Japanese air raid which shot up the barracks. The bullet holes were still there when I was stationed there, but am not sure if that holds for today. I thought a lot about what I heard as I walked the old flight line on my way to work at night. I imagined I heard the ghosts of the people who died that horrible day. I know what they would say, at least I think I know. "I expected to die for my country. I took an oath to defend her and I did." The poor souls of 9/11 were all civilians, and I'm sure wouldn't have said that. We can remember both, but we should also remember that those servicemen didn't die in vain. Unfortunately we can't say the same for the people who died September 11, 2001 as much as we would like to believe that.