A Summer Wish

Seems like only yesterday I lazed around dreaming about my future. I still recall the lazy summer days spent dreaming, walking and thinking about life. I didn't know then about the world and all its troubles. My mind was free. I was a child. Being with my little niece, Aydia, awakened those feelings in me. She is so young, and the world is a free and friendly place to her. She doesn't know about all that is waiting in the wings to drag her away from that carefree existence.

Like the slow, relentless beat of the drum, summer wears on and soon passes. For some of us, the ending of summer means a new chapter in life. Aydia is experiencing that new chapter now and it's a good thing. Yet, sometimes I long for time to stop. It seems that it goes way too fast. I hardly have time to take it all in.

New Beginnings and Partings

Recently I noticed more and more that I seem to be growing out of the person I was and into a new person. I'm a lot more outgoing and open than I used to be. Yet I still feel that tug of wanting to hide myself away. I don't want to part with that quiet, shy person I once was. I hate the changes I'm going through now. I know they are a necessary part of life. I also know what many say about this period of change. I can't stagnate and stay in the past. Yet sometimes that's exactly what I want to do. I look at my older brother. He has withdrawn more and more into himself every year. He lives in the past, wishing that everything would turn back to that simpler time.

Sometimes I do wish that things would remain the same...that no one would leave for "greener" pastures. I'm sure we all dream that things would at least slow down. Changes happen at too great a speed. It makes my head spin. They tell me change is good. Growth is good. You should look forward to new beginnings. I do. I look forward to the time when all things will be new again and I will see my Lord face to face. Yet I'm also scared. I know that I haven't been the best servant. I freeze and look the other way when I know I can't do anything to help. I ignore the cries of the homeless and hungry. I admit that freely, and that's what scares me. I fear that because I do that, that the Lord will turn away from me. That would shatter me....and break my heart. Then I remember that he promised never to leave me.

Summer time

It seems like the hot and humid weather will be here forever. I suffer through this weather, hoping for a change of seasons. I love the crisp, cool air of autumn and the colorful leaves. Yet, summer does have some merit. It's the time I usually try to make a trip to the beach and wade along the seashore. When it gets too hot, my feet burn and there are no cool breezes to comfort me.

I like the spring too with the colorful flowers. All too soon, the summer zaps my will to embrace time. I still recall the years I relished summer. It was three full months of doing nothing but study the world around me. I'd go on small adventures around the neighborhood, catch fireflies and play games with the other kids. I wonder now where that time went. I do cherish those childhood memories.

God's perfect timing

Often reflecting on the marvelous way God provides for my every need, I rejoice to know that he is in control. Some days are worse than others, as I have to remind myself that I, thankfully, am not in control. Other days I marvel at his perfect timing. I know that many times I wallow in self-pity and doubt. I wonder why things happen. Sometimes I even wish for a change. Yet when it happens, I freak out.

I am grateful for the unchanging God who loves me so much that he would send his son to die for me. It is still hard sometimes to wrap my mind around such love. I know I don't deserve it. I harbor hate for some who have done me wrong. Yet when I let go of that hate, I realize a whole new world.

Tales Untold

It was a rough week for me this past week. I thought about the life that was snuffed out and the tale that would be left untold. I wondered what, if anything, anyone would remember about the life that was lived. Would her children keep her memory alive? Or would the passage of time erase all memory of her existence? She was next to the youngest of six children....a very young 59 years old. She had 3 children and 3 marriages. Some would say that her tale has been told, and that it was a very sad tale indeed. Yet I often wonder at times like these what others would say about me. Selfish, I know....but I would not like to die without my tale being told.

It stuck me that I notice the similarities in a tale now being told for a young woman whose children were sired by 3 different fathers. What must their life be like? I noticed the words that were thrown around about my aunt's children....words like immoral and corrupt. Is that that unborn baby boy's lot? Will he become a criminal or can he be saved? How about those now adult children of my aunt's?

It will be a rough road. There is no turning back....for this tale must be told...for this tale must be told.

Star Spangled Banner

I've been thinking a lot about this song. Visiting Baltimore, the place where this song was written probably triggered it. Then I sang it at least a half dozen times during the past week or so. It was enlightening to know that the flag that flew over Fort McHenry was created by five women, one of them was considered an indentured servant. What was even more enlightening, I thought was the timing of it all. Consider for a moment what would have happened if the armada had been able to breach the channel or if the land forces had been unsuccessful in their efforts. There had been every indication at the time that the prospects of being able to succeed were slim. The capitol of the free world didn't survive the onslaught of British troops and Washington D.C. burned. Yet, in midst of that dismaying news, it was decided to create a huge flag that would send a signal to the British that the people wouldn't give up.

I'm reminded that I can't give up either, not when I can make a difference. Right now, it does seem as if our country is heading down a deep, dark hole. Yet, I know God's timing is right. I know I have to trust him.

Ride from Hell or No exit

I know you have been there, if you ride public transportation like I do. You know how it is. The driver doesn't know where he/she is going. The bus or other means of transportation is too crowded and noisy. Then there is the smell! Oh my! It's enough to make you cry out for mercy.

This is my doom for the next two months or so....riding a stinky bus. I guess I shouldn't complain. It could be worse. I could be stranded. That's a scary thought. I should be grateful for everything, shouldn't I?

Yet, at times like this, I often wish that time would speed up and I didn't have to ride this stinky bus every day. As you can probably tell, I'm not a very patient person. I'm actually kind of spoiled. I like to have things a certain way and am rattled when they aren't.