The Sufferer's Holiday-Surviving the Pain and Loss

It wasn't that long ago that my parents were relatively healthy. I can still recall the last time my father stood in front of me and hugged me. I didn't know at the time that it would be the last time. My father wasn't a demonstrative man. He didn't hug excessively. I can also recall a time before my mother broke her hip when she actively participated in life with her baking.

I will miss them. The holidays will be tough without them. I heard it said that this time of year is the sufferer's holiday. I'm not sure if I agree or not. I know that I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. If I were honest with myself, I'd have to admit that Christmas hasn't been a good holiday for me since my grandmother died in 2001. She died right before Christmas which really put a damper on the holiday for me.

I have survived the pain and loss then. At least I like to think that I've survived. My parents' deaths though have opened that wound. I feel the despair and wonder if I'll make it through. Everyone is telling me that I really need to take care of myself. It is very hard. I do feel like I've been torn in two. This past week it was finally settled that I would take over Mom's estate. It felt final. There was no going back.

I remember how God grieves for me. I ask myself why he should care. Then I remember the redemption story how he came to Earth to die for my sins. Jesus is acquainted with suffering. He feels our pain. That is a great comfort to me. He is no faceless god but a true living God. Thank you, Lord, for your remarkable gift.