Trying to Make Sense of it All....Waiting for God

It has been very difficult for me to remain faithful. I want to end it all sometimes. Other times I know that the Lord has a purpose for me to fulfill. I am still trying to make sense of it all. I wonder why I just can't get the response I need for a job. Lord knows how desperate I am. He knows the precariousness of my situation. He does have a good plan for my life.

I do feel that I'm waiting for God. Yet I'm realizing that he is waiting for me. He is waiting for me to give up on my stubborn pride. He is waiting for me to trust him to provide for my every need. He is waiting for me to have faith enough to let him guide me to where I need to be.

It is hard. I feel helpless. Yet I know that he is there. I struggle to understand why he has placed such a burden on my heart. Yet I understand there is a reason. He wants me to feel. He wants me to be broken for the people around me that have lost hope.

Will I trust him to do what is best for me? Will I lean on him and not my own understanding? Yes. Even though it is hard....even though I feel like I'm being torn apart....even when I'm scared to take one last step...I will trust and lean on the Lord.

I can be faithful because he is faithful to me. Lord, please help me be what you want me to be.