Reflection and Release-A Story of Contrasts

Yup....This picture again...I keep coming back to reflecting on all that has transpired with me over the past year. I've had some unpleasant physical changes and mental changes. I've learned that I can't depend on some people. I wanted to scream at times feeling that no one understood.

I know that I can be unfeeling at times too. At least some have said that to me. It's hard not to come off that way. You have to sometimes be blunt and not keep covering things up. It does no good to say that "everything is going to be fine" or that you shouldn't worry about a diagnosis that someone you care for has received. It is foolish to deny that certain things can happen and pretend that things are good when they are not. I'm learning to release my pain and worry. I'm learning to ignore the negative news and the catty way people react to my words. I have reflected on my words. I know that the truth of them stings. People don't like hearing negative stuff or admitting that things are really not going that well. I know that I've been in denial for a long time.

Yes, I have been blunt...but I'm realizing now that it is helping me to focus oddly enough on the issues that have been brought to my attention. I am stepping away from family activities for a little while. I know that I'm not wanted....frankly I'm surprised that it hasn't happened sooner. I know they all pity me. They shouldn't....because I'm rejoicing that I am the way that I am. I can see things clearer than they can. It is not boastful to say this. The Lord has given me new eyes. I am not stuck as they seem to be...in the morass of the world.

I can release them to the world. I need to release the worries about them as well. This is difficult in my own power. I have to release them to God and let him work in their lives. They may think that I don't know God. They may deny that he has any control over my life. I know he does.