Growing Fears and Putting it all in Perspective

I took last week off to reflect and regenerate. It was Thanksgiving week, so my thought processes mainly went in the direction of being thankful. I do have a lot to be thankful for this year. I still have a home. I am in reasonably good health. I have a family that still supports me. I have enough food to eat.

The growing fears of being homeless are still there. I haven't had sustainable employment for almost six years. I also fear being alone. I have my family around me now, but they are getting older and more frail. There is also the fear that being unable to handle the fact that time is speeding up for me. I can't seem to grasp all the new technology. It seems so invasive and cruel. Machines have no soul. They can't think like human beings.

When I start to think and put things in perspective, I realize that the Lord has my back. He knows my every need. He even knows what I need before I need it. I just need to accept what he has for me. It's not easy. The fear of homelessness is still there. I can't deny it. I also can't deny that sometimes I feel so alone. I wonder if anyone even cares. I worry about my parents and grow weary with the pressure that they unconsciously put on me. They don't understand that the job market isn't what it used to be. There is just too much competition for employment.

I realize too that in some significant ways that people like me are being ostracized because they refuse to expose their personal information online. I have compromised a bit but there are some things I just refuse to expose. It did cost me. The younger generations are so used to putting it all out there that they just don't think twice about it. Sometimes I do wish I could be so free. I can't.

It's not just me. I see many people around me that distrust putting personal information online. The security leaks are enough to turn anyone's stomach. The manipulation of data is way too easy now. I do try to put it in perspective. I want to trust these organizations, but I can't. I've already been burned a few times with my very personal and private information. I also see the damage that this manipulation has done to others. My growing fears are that I will be sucked in the electronic vortex and lost forever....

Autumn Reflections and Dreams

I've been really busy lately. Two projects are pressing down on me. One of the projects is for Darby while the other one is for Collingdale. When I think about these projects and the ramifications that could affect the area for generations, i is sometimes overwhelming. I am looking for direction and a miracle. I need financial and moral support.

Five buildings are threatened with demolition. Two of the buildings are relatively new. The other three are almost 100 years old. The issue is that the developer is pushing through the demolition because they feel that there is no revenue to keep the buildings. In other words there is no incentive for them to keep the buildings. There is also too much expense to keep those buildings.

My dream of having a building that showcases the community's history. It would be great to see those buildings used as a community center. It would be wonderful to see the revitalization of this area. My dream of having a building that reflects the family values of the community would be nice.

Falling Forward and Facing Backward: The Transition From Autumn To Winter

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was sweating. This year has been a very warm one. It didn't really snow that much. It never really got cold. It did however get very hot and humid. Saturday night we will once again make the transition from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time. This signals to me that we are also transitioning from Autumn to Winter.

The days will now get even shorter. It will be cold. At least that's the hope of some. I'm not a fan of hot, humid weather. Frankly hot, humid weather increases the chance of severe weather. We had a few times when we held our breath when a hurricane formed in the Atlantic. Hearing about the devastation in Texas, Louisiana and Florida was enough to twist my stomach and set my heart aching. Some days I admittedly just felt numb. I didn't know how to handle it. I prayed and God answered. My friends were spared. Some will have to pick up the pieces of their lives but they have the resources they need.

Reflecting on the time change....I always get confused. Is it Fall Back and Spring Forward or Fall Forward and Spring Back? Lately I felt that I have been falling forward towards a future I never would have dreamed of when I was younger. The fact that there is a growing interest in historical preservation is amazing. I sometimes feel like I'm facing backward because the changes are happening too rapidly for me to process. The transition is scary. What will happen tomorrow? Will I still have this platform? Only the Lord knows....

There is a New Day Coming

After everything that has happened over the past two months it is hard to put things in perspective. Yet I know I must. I do have a lot to be thankful for at this time. I can be thankful for my family and friends. I can be encouraged that this night won't last forever...even though it seems like it. I can praise God that he has spared my Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Gary from the fires raging in Santa Rosa, CA. I can praise God that he has allowed me to continue to post these writings freely.

There is a new day coming. It will be like no other day. We will have to go through some tough trials before we see that new day. For some it will be a day of disaster and eternal hell. The signs are there for anyone to read. We need not be afraid to tell others the Good News. He is coming.

Every day I see the signs. I wonder if this will be the day of his return. Some days admittedly I fear that I will be found unworthy to be counted as his child. I struggle with the concept of holiness. I know that I can't be holy. I need God's help to be holy in his eyes. I want to be ready for that new day when God will make all things new.

When the pressure of life gets me down I focus on that new day. I imagine the streets of gold and the beautiful jewels. I realize that the pearls on the gates fit because pearls are the result of pressure. Lord, help me bend to your will and not my own. It is too easy to be stubborn and set in my ways. I want to go your way and trust you under the pressure of life. Thank you for molding me to your image.

Unintended Circumstances and Weighty Matters

You may be thinking to yourself about the meaning of the unintended circumstances. With everything that has been going on lately it can be overwhelming to even think about what could happen. You know that there have been strong forces trying mightily to "blow" you off course. You may be thinking to yourself that you never expected to be dealing with so much. It has been too much to handle at one time. Those unintended circumstances loom in front of you.

I know that I've probably seem to be talking nonsense to some. It is those weighty matters that concern me. Everything that has gone on has got me thinking about freedom and what it means. Technology has slowly but surely taken some freedoms away from us. You may not think so. You may think that technology has allowed us to have more freedom. It has. We have the freedom to connect with people worldwide now. We have the freedom to express our opinions. Yet the more "freedom" technology gives us the more it takes away. I know that doesn't make any sense.

I recently visited a food store and was very frustrated. There were no prices on the product or on the shelf below. All I saw was those scan codes....so maddening....did they expect everyone to scan the codes? It scared me in a way too. With no prices and no way to pay for food via cash, that food store was promoting discrimination. They in fact were using the electronic payment system as a way to bar certain people from purchasing food.

Sweetgreens is a perfect example of this type of discrimination. They stopped accepting cash purchases at all their restaurants in 2016. Instead they only accept cards or the Sweetgreen app. Yes, I get the fact that they are trying to keep their employees safe. Yet this type of discrimination bars people nevertheless. It says that cash isn't important and the unintended circumstance is that these people aren't welcome. The implications are staggering when you really think about it.

It is way too easy now with the newer technology to bar certain people from jobs, places, food and water. The weighty matter is that by eliminating cash you are essentially forcing people to "go your way or the highway." I don't see any good coming out of this. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if something really sinister happened.

I do have to keep reminding myself that God is in control. He is. I thank God that he is...

Overwhelmed but Moving Forward: After effects of yet another hurricane

I'm praising God right now. He has chosen to spare our area again. Yet I still can't help thinking about the devastation that this last hurricane left behind in Puerto Rico. It is hard to wrap my mind around it. Some want to place blame on the President. It wasn't right in 2005. It's not right now. It isn't the President's fault.

I just don't think enough people realize how screwed we really are here. There has been three major hurricanes and a devastating fire (that is still going on) to contend with and provide much needed services. The overwhelming devastation in Texas, Florida and the western states is enough to drain our reserves dry. Yes, there has been overwhelming support for all the areas affected by the hurricanes. Yet I can see that support drying up as people are overwhelmed and just can't give anymore.

I do see some of the ugliness rearing its ugly head as people get more and more desperate. I am not sure how to help. I know the best thing that I can do is pray. I need to hand this over to God knowing that he is in control.

I am praying for miracles. I think about the devastation in Mexico and my heart breaks. It does seem like God has abandoned them. It is hard to think about moving forward. I am weary even though thankfully the Lord has spared us. I clamor for answers. I plant wishes in the corner of my mind. I wish I could help more. I don't know how....so I pray and talk to God.

Strengthen those who are in the front lines, Lord. Keep them safe and from harm. Provide the necessary subsistence that they need to survive. Make us grateful and not prideful knowing that we are not immune to tragedy. Thank you, Lord.

Stronger Than the Storm: The After affects of Hurricane Irma

Hurricane Irma literally devastated Florida. Everyone knew it was coming but seeing the after affects is depressing. It is hard to say right now if Floridians will be stronger than the storm. Texans have proven that they are stronger than the storm after the wreckage from Hurricane Harvey. There are still two hurricanes out there in the Atlantic. Thankfully so far there is only a minimum threat from them.

I am still praying. I am realizing that the anticipation and anxiety from all the media hype didn't do the vast destruction justice. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. I sometimes find myself going numb because my mind can't process it all. I am deeply grateful for those who were spared. It does seem so far that there was a minimum loss of life. Yet I can't help feeling that some of those people who survived probably are wishing they may have died. I know that sounds crazy. When you think about it however it is understandable. These people have lost everything. They have nothing left.

I do often wonder when I hear about all the devastation what makes people want to hold on. The voices of doubt and fear are strong. Yet I know God is in the midst of the storm. It is that sense of purpose that makes people want to hold on.

The financial crisis that I've been going through has taught me some things. I realize that people, not things matter. I understand a little bit that we need to listen and be with those who are hurting. I realize that I don't have to have money to help. There are many ways that I can help. God is stronger than the storms of my life. I can rely on him to see me through.

Will the people of Florida band together like the people of Texas? It remains to be seen. I haven't heard anything from my friends in Florida, so I continue to pray for them.