Going Higher and Reaching Further

It is kind of strange how things happen. You know that a certain thing is wrong but you're not sure how to deal with it. Lately I've been going through some pretty rough patches. There have been days that I've even questioned my sanity.

I am learning slowly to see things in a different light and take the time to step back before opening my mouth or writing something that I'll regret later. I know that I still have a lot to learn. The atmosphere that I've chosen to saturate myself in is not good. I am realizing that I only need to reach out towards the light of God's word to break through the morass of evil.

It is not easy. No one ever said it would be. There will be some things that I can't ever accept. Frankly they make me sick. Yet I realize that the young people especially haven't been exposed to what I was exposed to when I was younger. They have no foundation.

So I am going higher than I've ever gone before to reach out to those who need to hear about God's saving grace. It is scary. I have to admit that. I can't do it on my own. I need help. It is not wrong to ask for help nor is it a sign of weakness. When I reach further and put myself in someone else's shoes, I can see the fear and distress in their eyes. They are reflected in my own. I lean on the Lord. I know that he will direct my path.

Yes, I need prayer. I need to start seeing people in a different light and embracing their differences. I need to bring them before the throne of grace and not judge them. This too is hard. I can be very judgmental at times. It pains me when I see the hatred and malice. Yet I know I have felt that way too. I ask forgiveness. I am going higher and reaching further to bring my Savior's love to a dying world.

Suffering servant

It's been a rough ride. I didn't feel like posting anything last week. I've done some idiotic things in my life. One of them is to follow a wiki-how post on how to get rid of a sinus headache. I didn't follow it completely. I'm such an idiot!

This sinus headache is a result of the sinusitis infection that I had two weeks ago. I haven't really gotten over it. I can blame the change in the weather as it has been up and down too much lately. I can blame it on the environment. Living here exposes me to so many substances. I never used to be allergic to anything when I was a child. Now it seems that I've picked up quite a few allergies.

The pressure sometimes is very hard to bear. I feel it pounding now. I just wish it would end. I want to feel normal again. Maybe tomorrow...

Why am I so fearful, Lord?

I had a scare Tuesday morning. My face went numb. I was afraid to admit that the pressure that I've been under was finally manifesting itself in a physical way. I was actually sobbing and crying out to God. I know a lot of it is what I've been exposing myself to on Facebook. I can't help myself. I freely admit it now.

I know a lot of you are the same way. You just can't look away. It is scary when you see all the hate being manifested towards Christians around the world. I sometimes don't know if I can handle it. I do pray continuously now for our broken nation. The sore has been cut and is now bleeding all over the place. It is a black thing to discover the venom that flows right outside your door.

Yet I do know this. I know that the Lord Jesus has me in the palm of his strong hands. He knows what I'm going through. He understands the deep pain that I'm feeling now as I see and hear the hate that spews out like a putrid river. Why am I so fearful, Lord? It is foolish to fear when I know that he is holding me and protecting me from all harm. I have to remember that I am not alone.

I have to remind myself that I can do all things through him. It is hard. The pressure is increasing to conform. Lord, I can't do that. I have to follow your will and not my own. How well I know this...yet sometimes it is so hard to do. Will I be brave enough to stand up for what I believe in? I like to think so. Lord, I am weak and easily scared. I lean on you. Please guide me in the way I should go and be with our government leaders. Help them make wise decisions and strengthen their resolve against the evil one. Block all those who would tear or dissolve our government for their own agenda.

I am fearful. Please forgive me for not trusting you enough. My heart knows that you are in control but my mind imagines the worst. I put it all in your hands, Lord God. You are my Savior and my Lord.

Ripples of Light and Dark

I've had a busy two weeks and haven't had the opportunity to post here. Things are starting again to look a bit brighter on the job front. I had one pretty good phone interview and another one lined up for tomorrow. I also got an invitation to write for another organization. These are the ripples of light in my life. I can't be sure how any of it will work out for me. Those are the ripples of dark that try to drag me down.

The situations that are going on in Washington DC also have those ripples of light and dark. The ripples of light are the promises to create jobs in America and secure our borders. The ripples of dark are the environmental concerns and security concerns. I hope that these concerns are addressed. There is a real strong push back trying to discredit the new government from many who feel it is an illegitimate government. I get that. There is an equally strong pull to keep going forward despite the obstacles.

I don't know everything. All I do know is that the person in the White House now was miraculously placed there by God. It just had to be. There is no other explanation for me. So I know that this wave of hate is directly due to an awakening of sorts. At least this is what I'm seeing here. Why would there be such hate if that wasn't true? I know the arguments about the river of hate that has been  simmering for the past eight years. Yes, I've seen that too. Yet I can't help thinking that it really hasn't been as bad as some might presume it had.

The thing that I have to keep reminding myself and remembering is God is in control. He is the one who controls all things through us. We just have to trust him.

Reflections on a Lost Generation

I've been thinking a lot about the children who are now growing up without the benefits that I had as a child. For many of these children their only sources of information is on the Internet and on social media outlets. Libraries are slowly but surely getting rid of paper books and microfiche because it is not worth keeping. Living life through the eyes of a screen that could so easily manipulate what you see and hear is not living. Children are now being taught not to think for themselves.

Some would say that this situation was a long time coming. That children of the our generation have exasperated the problem by allowing it to happen. We were too eager to embrace the new world that we lost sight of the old world and its many charms. We didn't know that by embracing the new technologies we were in fact signing our death warrants.

Kids today don't understand the concepts of freedom. They haven't got any stable and solid foundations. Their foundations were ripped from them at birth. They were the recipients of what many are calling a whole new world.

I remember being extremely frightened by the pictures and images I saw when I was around 10 years old of the future world. I am realizing that we are living in that frightening future world where everything seems to be controlled remotely. Some are okay with this. They embrace all the new technology and don't mind that more and more people are living in a fantasy world set up by a government bent on controlling us.

I admit that some of the technology is good. I like being able to communicate with others through the Internet. I like being able to write my thoughts here for others to see. Yet I've lost something too. I used to write my thoughts on paper and reflect on them. I haven't done that for a while. I miss it.

Lord knows that being able to communicate ideas and learn new concepts is also a good thing. Yet I can't help thinking about the cost of all this progress. This generation is a lost generation because they just don't know what hard work is....at least the people I know really don't. I admit that I struggle with the concept when it feels like there is really nothing to do.

Nine Years-Seems Like Yesterday

My little brother's oldest daughter turned nine today. It does seem like only yesterday when I held her in my arms as a baby. The world has changed a lot since 2008. It was that year when the economy went "south" with the "Great Recession". It was that year when the company I was contracted out to work for was bought out.

Unfortunately I can't really recall any good thing that happened during those nine years. It's sad but true. So many people have been affected in a negative way with all the changes in technology. I really can't say that my life has improved either during these nine years...at least not financially.

I can say that I am a more open and aware person than I was nine years ago. I am definitely more actively involved in my community. I've seen things happen that give me hope for the future. I like the good changes I see in Aydia. She is growing up to be a beautiful young lady.

I do thank God for Aydia. She has brought light into my life and caused a glimmer of hope to pierce my soul. For her sake, I am praying that the Lord will protect and guide her through this veil of tears. Strengthen her for the coming days, Lord God and give her wisdom to combat those who would tear her away from you. Bless her family, Lord God and her little sister, Aubrey. Keep her in your sight, Lord God.

In Desperate Straits Once Again-The Struggle to Find Work

I didn't think I'd be here again worrying about paying for rent. I can understand that I should have gotten employment by now. I can understand that things are costing more and more. I am in desperate straits once again. I know I should trust the Lord, but it is so difficult when you are facing the very distinct possibility of being out on the street.

The only reason I'm not yet there is that I am an unpaid caregiver. People are depending on me. It is hard. I do struggle to find work that I can do. I am tired and weary. No one seemed to understand what I'm feeling right now. How can they when they are struggling themselves? I can throw a pity party about my current situation or I can do something.

The struggle to find work is real. I have no real skill sets that employers can use. I haven't been in a real work environment for five years. Whenever I think about that....I am amazed that I've lasted this long without steady income.

My prayer tonight is for a release from this dark hole that I've found myself in. I need funds now to support myself and my family. I hate posting this...but I'm desperate.