Reading a "Candy" book vs Reading a "Meat" book

I like reading what I call "candy" books because they are sweet, uncomplicated pieces of work. They have a set dialogue, are linear and follow a pretty straight forward story line. In other words, they are predictable. Boy meets Girl....falls in love...gets married and they both live happily ever after. I do know that life is not like that. It is complicated and messy. Even in the "candy" books you have to have some conflict, otherwise you garner no interest. I usually go through "candy" books in about a week if I'm busy doing a lot of other stuff. If I'm not busy, and the story flows well, I can finish a "candy" book in a few hours.

A "Meat" book, however, definitely requires at least three weeks to read through because the words are so dense and full of meaning. The story lines are complicated, and sometimes a bit hard to read without wanting to dig deeper. You can always tell with a "Meat" book that the author took considerable time both writing and researching the material. The dialogue is not always linear, and it doesn't always follow a straight forward story line. You have to use your mind to comprehend some of the passages. You can't rush reading a "Meat" book. Those kind of books you need to savor. I have to admit that most, but not all, the "Meat" books I've read have been well worth the time and effort I put into reading them. Some of the passages still stick with me. I learn more from a "Meat" book than I've ever learned from a "candy" book.

I have written both. None as yet are published. I am still finding my audience.

Tax Time

I am currently working on my taxes. Yes, I do know that time is growing short for this. It is the most dreaded time of the year because I now see how little I made the past year. It doesn't get any easier knowing that Uncle Sam needs his money. In fact it's too easy to get confused by all the forms and the pressure to do it all on-line. I am not comfortable with this at all. I am very much a Luddite when it comes to exposing my personal information. Yet I know I've had to in order to find work.

I am struggling with "Big Brother" wanting to know everything about me. I don't like having my privacy being violated. "Big Brother" doesn't need to know my physical state, my mental state or medical status. They just don't. Yet this is exactly what "Big Brother" wants. I feel like I'm losing control of my own well being....and that's scary. Maybe this is why this is the most dreaded time of the year for me. I do hate having to relinquish control to a third party who will do God knows what with my personal information. Yet I know that some of my personal information is already out there ripe for the picking and there is not one thing I can do about it.

I do long for the days when you had a good paying job, and you didn't have to worry about someone stealing your identity. It is way too easy to do nowadays....no matter what anyone says. You can only do so much to protect it. Paper is still the best way, if you're really careful, to secure your personal information. Too many eyes see it electronically despite the assurances of encryption.

I hope for a better tomorrow, even as I struggle to pay my taxes and give Uncle Sam his due.

Fighting against time

I haven't been feeling well lately. Actually I've been struggling to do much of anything. You can say that I'm fighting against time and dwindling resources. Yet I have also been fighting against the perceptions of people that feel that I've given up. I haven't. They just don't realize how hard it is....and they won't until they are in the same situation I'm in now.

I have decided that I'm not going to dwell on my current state which is growing worse. Instead I'll focus on achieving some goals that I've set for myself. My biggest goal, of course, is to find a sustainable position that will both utilize my writing skills and make me enough money to support myself and my family. I have in the past month or so, gone in a different direction with my job search. I decided to see if I can't work for myself and contract myself out to various companies. I know I did try this last year, and have helped a lot of people, but am still struggling to find work that I can do. I don't like having to quit a job, as it leaves a bad taste in both my mouth and my former employers' mouth.

I know that part of my problem is my inability to focus on one thing and my lack of verbal skills. I am a good writer, but it just doesn't translate into my voice very well.

Waiting for Spring and the new life it brings

I was thinking about the Flower Show this week. It's coming to the Convention Center next week, but I won't be able to go. It's just too darn expensive even though I do enjoy seeing all the floral displays. For some, it is the first inkling that spring is just around the corner. This winter has been particularly harsh. I've been stuck in the house a few days, shoveled snow more times than I can count and walked very carefully on ice covered sidewalks. I do thank God that I didn't have to go to work. Yet I still long for a new position...something that will help support me, and that I'll enjoy doing.

I wait for spring, hoping for a new life and a change from the worry and fear that has trapped me for so long. I know some of you out there also yearn for that change. You long to drop the dirty rags of sin and doubt that have sapped your strength. You may feel that there is no way out, no one who really sees you. I can tell you that I know that feeling. I felt it myself. There is a way out. I found it in the Lord Jesus Christ. He has led me and continues to lead me through this dark valley. My eyes have been opened to the suffering around me. Some days I do feel helpless until I realize that God does provide for me. He hasn't left me alone...I can wait knowing that some day I will see him face to face...and thank him personally for his sacrifice for me. He has given me a new life.

Fighting against both race and age discrimination

I was on the trolley coming home this afternoon when two thirty year old (I think) black men starting talking about how all the white people are either pedophiles or drug addicts. I was saddened because they were stereotyping white people just as surely as white people are said to stereotype black people. Not all white people are pedophiles and/or drug addicts, neither are all black people pedophiles and/or drug addicts. When we get to the point where we say...."When we were in our all black neighborhood, things didn't happen like they're happening now...We had discipline, and children respected their parents...or when we were in our all white neighborhood, things didn't happen like they're happening now...We had discipline, and children respected their parents. I got a news flash for you. It's not because the neighborhoods have integrated just like the schools have, that we have the problems we have now. It's because we as a nation have turned our collective backs from God. We took him out of our schools in 1963, and have been filling our children and for some of us our grandchildren with garbage.

Yes, I am showing my age when I say that I long for the times when you could walk safely down the street without worrying about being attacked. I long for the days when everyone who wanted a job could get one and be able to contribute something to society. Part of the reason why things are so messed up is that there are no viable jobs out there that a person can do and feel that they accomplished something with their life. I know there are jobs out there, but I long for the jobs that are no longer there because automation has taken over them. I long for those jobs that showed a person's skill, and that a person could be an apprentice for and have that job for life. Maybe I am old fashioned to yearn for the days when the computer didn't rule our lives...even though it has created tremendous opportunity as well.

I do fight both against race and age discrimination daily as most business have to meet a quota of people of a certain race and age. It just doesn't seem fair.

Struggling against the twin forces of time and space

 You may think that this is a strange title for a post. Yet we all do struggle against time and space in some way or another. For everyone that has been following my saga of struggling to find gainful employment, time is a huge factor. I have been trying to work past my introvert tenancy of keeping to myself and not reaching out to others. It is difficult to expose yourself to the World Wide Web hoping that no one will steal your identity and defame your good name. It is also difficult to find the space you need to work.

Recently I decided to work on starting my own business. One of the biggest obstacles I have is finding space to work in. The space has to be quiet and free of distraction. It has to have the resources I need to do the work. Then there is the factor of time. You have to schedule your time or else you get caught up in stuff you really shouldn't be doing. Anyone who has thought about starting their own business runs across this. How do you find the time?

Research does take a lot of time. You have to decide what services you are going to provide, your target audience and how you are going to provide those services. Setting rates for various services and building clients is all part of growing a business. I know this. I also know that I am a long way from learning all the "ins and outs" of starting a business. I am still looking for someone to help me out here.

Facing fears of being homeless and unemployable is my first step out of the quagmire I find myself in. I have to tell myself daily that the Lord will provide shelter for me, and that I'm not unemployable. I am admittedly impatient to find the right position for my skills and experience that will utilize the skills I've acquired over the years. I am not, like the media would like people to believe, willing to take handouts from the government and not work for them. I am not a bum. I want to work. I just have to get the right person's ear that is willing to give me a chance.

Letting Go and Listening to Others

It is definitely hard to let go of things once you have had your mind set on them. You tell yourself that it will be okay, that you need to let some things go....but it's not easy. For instance I started this week to sign up for work that I can do remotely from my computer. I'm realizing that it may not happen that I get one of those 9 to 5 jobs anymore. I'm also realizing that I'm not comfortable anymore with the corporate life...and I probably never really was. I still would take one if offered, but my last and most recent experience has soured me.

I know I need at least one revenue stream soon. I can't keep going the way I am, fruitlessly searching the Internet for work. I need to be proactive and reach out to others if I'm going to get any revenue coming in. I need to find someone who knows what I'm going through and can direct me to where I should go from here.

Listening to what others have gone through would help me immensely to see what my goals are for this year and how I can tap revenue streams for both the society I'm running and for myself.

The first thing I need to do is stop listening to the negative press about how hard it is for someone like me to find work. I know what my obstacles are to gainful employment and I am currently researching other opportunities to gain revenue by either starting my own business or contracting myself out to companies in the area during what I do best which is document management.

My hardest struggle is trying not to resist advice that I don't want to follow but need to follow. It is very difficult at times for me to expose myself to the world. Yet this is the one thing I need to do in order to promote my services to the outside world.