Yes, you read this right. I'm currently on welfare, living on food stamps (Access Card) and wondering when I can finally get out from under this stressful existence. It hasn't been a bad week. I learned some things I hadn't known about before I was actually in this situation.
1) Money is still tight. Access cards are not a way out. It's only a stop gap measure.
2) It is very easy to get food, but not that easy to get cash for food.
3) The stigma of being on welfare makes people look at you differently....but it's not as bad as I imagined it would be.
I will continue to struggle with this for a while as I try to adjust my thinking downward and move to find ways to gain revenue quickly and legally.
Yes, you may consider me lazy now for taking this handout. You may even be asking yourself why I haven't gotten gainful employment as yet. Believe me, I sometimes ask myself that same question. I pray for that job and for someone to give me a chance. It isn't easy being considered a pariah and untouchable because I've been out of the workforce for so long. I do fight with my inner feelings and with my relations because of this. Anyone who knows me knows that I do work hard. Yet I feel like I'm spinning my wheels here...:-(
How can I get someone to notice me and take a chance? How many others are like me struggling to get noticed and get paid for their work? I don't know. We are hidden from view and cast aside.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
A New Respect For Case Workers and the Department of Welfare
I went to the welfare office today to pick up my Access Card. While I was waiting I heard about an middle-aged woman with sandals on her feet that had no access to food. I could tell that she was desperate and tired. I heard that the case worker tried to help, but circumstances got in the way. I don't know what happened. I suspect that she got frustrated. I then saw a young mother with her two week old daughter with no place to stay. Apparently she got kicked out of the shelter. It was interesting but a bit distressing to hear those stories. I prayed for both.
It isn't easy being a case worker. You work long hours for little pay. You deal with all sorts of problems and are expected to have solutions. You don't have the resources you need to do your job. I had to smile when the assistant told me that I should pull up a desk. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.
I definitely have a goal of not staying on welfare for too long. It was necessary because of my current financial situation. I'm glad that I can do this, but sad that I have to do it. Does that make any sense? I guess in some way it does. I continue to look for ways to make money without resorting to illegal means. I tell myself daily that it will be worth it to push forward.
I will push forward. I must push forward....
It isn't easy being a case worker. You work long hours for little pay. You deal with all sorts of problems and are expected to have solutions. You don't have the resources you need to do your job. I had to smile when the assistant told me that I should pull up a desk. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.
I definitely have a goal of not staying on welfare for too long. It was necessary because of my current financial situation. I'm glad that I can do this, but sad that I have to do it. Does that make any sense? I guess in some way it does. I continue to look for ways to make money without resorting to illegal means. I tell myself daily that it will be worth it to push forward.
I will push forward. I must push forward....
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Uncharted Waters: The ongoing struggle to survive in an electronic age
I googled the phrase "uncharted waters; struggles of the long term unemployed. I read an interesting 29 page report that was mysteriously deleted from a federal database and placed in a LinkedIn slide share. He really did "nail things" with this report by saying that it's not just ageism that keeping the long term unemployed without gainful employment. It is a lethal combination of getting the right certificates, having the right targeted experiences and technology itself. I know that I've experienced this myself.
I am really in uncharted waters because like a good number of my generation...we didn't grow up with the electronics and technology that is so wide spread today. We weren't specialists but had a well rounded education and on-the-job training in a variety of roles. Most of these roles unfortunately are being symptomatically taken over by electronics...ie robots and other mechanical devices.
This is having a very bad affect on our society. I know that I'm on "my last legs" having to break down and go on welfare. Anyone who says that I'm lazy really doesn't know me. They criticize me for succumbing to the pressure that I've been under for four years now. They don't know that being on welfare is the absolute last resort for me and something that I've been resisting for a long time.
It is very difficult to accept the fact that I'll soon be completely out of funds. If not for the welfare and the occasional work I'm getting paid for....I'd be on the streets like many others. I know there is a solution...but it has to come from someone who is willing to take a chance on people like myself...and pay them a living wage.
I am really in uncharted waters because like a good number of my generation...we didn't grow up with the electronics and technology that is so wide spread today. We weren't specialists but had a well rounded education and on-the-job training in a variety of roles. Most of these roles unfortunately are being symptomatically taken over by electronics...ie robots and other mechanical devices.
This is having a very bad affect on our society. I know that I'm on "my last legs" having to break down and go on welfare. Anyone who says that I'm lazy really doesn't know me. They criticize me for succumbing to the pressure that I've been under for four years now. They don't know that being on welfare is the absolute last resort for me and something that I've been resisting for a long time.
It is very difficult to accept the fact that I'll soon be completely out of funds. If not for the welfare and the occasional work I'm getting paid for....I'd be on the streets like many others. I know there is a solution...but it has to come from someone who is willing to take a chance on people like myself...and pay them a living wage.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
More thoughts about the End Times in Light of Terrorism
It kept playing over and over in my mind today. I know that some have become callous and cold over the terrorist attacks, but I just can't. Every time I hear something like what happened in Belgium this morning, my stomach churns and I grieve. I also wonder why God would allow it to happen.
It is also about this same time that I long for Christ's return. I know that most pastors and teachers are saying that it will be very soon. Sometimes that thought scares me. I have to re-evaluate my life and check my doubts and fears. I have to trust that God knows what he's doing by keeping me here.
It does scare me when I realize how percarious my position is now. I am less than a month away from being insolvent. It is hard to keep things going normally or act as if everything is going just dandy. I just have to look around and know that it isn't for anyone.
It may be just me. Maybe I'm not doing enough to push through the negativity around me. Maybe I just don't feel comfortable exposing myself like I've been asked to recently. Maybe I'm just not desperate enough. I don't know. I wish I did.
In this week when I reflect on all the Lord has done for me, I realize that he has opened my eyes to what he sees in the world. He weeps along with me for the lost souls stuck in desperate straits and not knowing the love he has for them.
The pressure he must have been under...knowing that he would have to sacrifice himself for the world. The pain he must have endured...not just the physical pain but the spiritual and emotion pain as well. To be separated from his father and have him turn away must have cost him heartache. Yet he did it for us. That still "blows" me away....I can't picture anyone willing to let go like that. Most of us cling to things long after they have served their purpose. We wouldn't willingly sacrifice anything...let alone our lives....Yes that is just what Jesus did that long ago Friday. Something to think about this week...
It is also about this same time that I long for Christ's return. I know that most pastors and teachers are saying that it will be very soon. Sometimes that thought scares me. I have to re-evaluate my life and check my doubts and fears. I have to trust that God knows what he's doing by keeping me here.
It does scare me when I realize how percarious my position is now. I am less than a month away from being insolvent. It is hard to keep things going normally or act as if everything is going just dandy. I just have to look around and know that it isn't for anyone.
It may be just me. Maybe I'm not doing enough to push through the negativity around me. Maybe I just don't feel comfortable exposing myself like I've been asked to recently. Maybe I'm just not desperate enough. I don't know. I wish I did.
In this week when I reflect on all the Lord has done for me, I realize that he has opened my eyes to what he sees in the world. He weeps along with me for the lost souls stuck in desperate straits and not knowing the love he has for them.
The pressure he must have been under...knowing that he would have to sacrifice himself for the world. The pain he must have endured...not just the physical pain but the spiritual and emotion pain as well. To be separated from his father and have him turn away must have cost him heartache. Yet he did it for us. That still "blows" me away....I can't picture anyone willing to let go like that. Most of us cling to things long after they have served their purpose. We wouldn't willingly sacrifice anything...let alone our lives....Yes that is just what Jesus did that long ago Friday. Something to think about this week...
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Thinking About The Journey Ahead and Wondering When the Lord Will Return
You might be thinking right about now about why I picked this particular topic right now. I have been thinking a lot about my personal journey. When you're on line like I am, you do get exposed a lot to the type of hatred that makes stomachs turn. I sometimes want to blot it out. I do wonder at times like this when the Lord will return.
You might be wondering why I would want the Lord to return. I have been asking myself if I'm ready to face the Lord. When you're in the midst of an increasingly volatile situation, thinking about the new Heaven and Earth is what gets you through it. I sometimes dream of that day when there will be no pain and no sickness. I long for the Lord's return and his reign.
You might be wishing as I am that the hatred and volatility of the world would cease. My heart aches for all those who are suffering now from persecution because of their religious beliefs. In America, this persecution is still pretty subtle...except for the fact that at least a half dozen have been brutally murdered for professing their belief in Jesus Christ in the past twenty four months.
You might be hoping that things will get better and wishing that everyone who wanted to work could work. This hits me personally. I really do want to work at a stable job with a steady income. As I think of the journey ahead, I admit that I am frightened that I will never find that stable job. I know that I have to trust God for his provision.
It is hard. I am in the pit of despair with the financial dragons at the door. I am fighting the good fight though. I have others that are interested in my plight. I do know that God has my best interest at heart and that I will get past this soon.
It will happen. I feel it in my bones. I can sense a change that is coming...just like Easter...a renewal of life.
You might be wondering why I would want the Lord to return. I have been asking myself if I'm ready to face the Lord. When you're in the midst of an increasingly volatile situation, thinking about the new Heaven and Earth is what gets you through it. I sometimes dream of that day when there will be no pain and no sickness. I long for the Lord's return and his reign.
You might be wishing as I am that the hatred and volatility of the world would cease. My heart aches for all those who are suffering now from persecution because of their religious beliefs. In America, this persecution is still pretty subtle...except for the fact that at least a half dozen have been brutally murdered for professing their belief in Jesus Christ in the past twenty four months.
You might be hoping that things will get better and wishing that everyone who wanted to work could work. This hits me personally. I really do want to work at a stable job with a steady income. As I think of the journey ahead, I admit that I am frightened that I will never find that stable job. I know that I have to trust God for his provision.
It is hard. I am in the pit of despair with the financial dragons at the door. I am fighting the good fight though. I have others that are interested in my plight. I do know that God has my best interest at heart and that I will get past this soon.
It will happen. I feel it in my bones. I can sense a change that is coming...just like Easter...a renewal of life.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Struggling to Understand the New Mentality
I guess I am old fashioned. I like stability. What is wrong with that? Things have been going way too fast for me. I understand that growth is good and that change is necessary. Yet I can't help thinking that change just for the sake of it is not good. Sometimes it is good to step back and re-evaluate where you are going and what you are going to do when you get there.
I may not be the brightest person, but I do now that without some core foundation any business is doomed for failure. It is true that the only reason our country has survived so long is its strong foundation. Why can't we get people to understand that without this strong foundation, anarchy will reign? It's already happening. The new mentality pushes aside this foundation. The new mentality says that we should forget history and embrace the electronic "monsters" that steal souls.
The new mentality encourages new ideas but doesn't think them through. It says that we shouldn't think of the future or the past....only the present. I do see trouble with that type of thinking. Those of us who grew up with morality plays and fables understand that only fools embrace the present without thinking about the past or planning for the future.
I am struggling to understand the new mentality. I find myself yearning for that type of stable employment where I actually feel that I'm creating a solid and lasting legacy. This new mentality doesn't allow that. Instead it embraces the here and now. There is no real plan for the future. There is no sense of place either....and that to me is sad.
Maybe this is why I'm still struggling to find meaningful and fulfilling work. I do have this pressing need to inform others about their heritage and how they can use the physical tools at their disposal. It is that need that drives me to continue to talk about local history and connections even in the midst of a job interview.
I may not be the brightest person, but I do now that without some core foundation any business is doomed for failure. It is true that the only reason our country has survived so long is its strong foundation. Why can't we get people to understand that without this strong foundation, anarchy will reign? It's already happening. The new mentality pushes aside this foundation. The new mentality says that we should forget history and embrace the electronic "monsters" that steal souls.
The new mentality encourages new ideas but doesn't think them through. It says that we shouldn't think of the future or the past....only the present. I do see trouble with that type of thinking. Those of us who grew up with morality plays and fables understand that only fools embrace the present without thinking about the past or planning for the future.
I am struggling to understand the new mentality. I find myself yearning for that type of stable employment where I actually feel that I'm creating a solid and lasting legacy. This new mentality doesn't allow that. Instead it embraces the here and now. There is no real plan for the future. There is no sense of place either....and that to me is sad.
Maybe this is why I'm still struggling to find meaningful and fulfilling work. I do have this pressing need to inform others about their heritage and how they can use the physical tools at their disposal. It is that need that drives me to continue to talk about local history and connections even in the midst of a job interview.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
History Lost: Wondering What Will Happen Next
Admittedly I've been thinking a lot about the current state of our country. We are angry and upset with the status quo that pushes issues to the side and creates sound bites. Our children will long remember this period of time as one of the most perlious times in the history of our world. Not one of the current politicians realize what they are stepping into when they weave their fantasies and hope for the best.
History has been lost tonight. We grasped the bubble and watched it explode in our faces. I do wonder what will happen next. Will our nation become like Hilter's Germany? Will we forget our compassion for people and grow the divide between the races?
It is scary to think about what rights have already been trounced and forgotten. How many more will be trounced on before the next president comes to office? I have to admit that I am struggling to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Is it wrong to wish to be raptured? I felt that way tonight as I listened to the speeches and cringed inwardly at the false promises.
There are times that I almost feel like giving up. I really have nothing to live for, and no great vision to pursue. I have no legacy...no children who will carry that legacy either. I do however have a great passion for young people to know their heritage. I feel strongly that there is so much to be learned from history that no one should be missing.
History has been lost tonight with the nominations of God hating individuals. Why do I say that? I say that because those individuals have not shown their love for others, only for themselves. If they truly loved God, instead of hating him...then it would show outwardly. Unfortunately it hasn't. Instead they managed with sweet words to deceive many.
History has been lost tonight. We grasped the bubble and watched it explode in our faces. I do wonder what will happen next. Will our nation become like Hilter's Germany? Will we forget our compassion for people and grow the divide between the races?
It is scary to think about what rights have already been trounced and forgotten. How many more will be trounced on before the next president comes to office? I have to admit that I am struggling to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Is it wrong to wish to be raptured? I felt that way tonight as I listened to the speeches and cringed inwardly at the false promises.
There are times that I almost feel like giving up. I really have nothing to live for, and no great vision to pursue. I have no legacy...no children who will carry that legacy either. I do however have a great passion for young people to know their heritage. I feel strongly that there is so much to be learned from history that no one should be missing.
History has been lost tonight with the nominations of God hating individuals. Why do I say that? I say that because those individuals have not shown their love for others, only for themselves. If they truly loved God, instead of hating him...then it would show outwardly. Unfortunately it hasn't. Instead they managed with sweet words to deceive many.
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