Making the Most Out of A Bad Situation

I'm learning gradually to make the most out of my current financial situation. I've given up feeling sorry for myself. I've also tried to make the best out of the world's situation. It isn't as bad as it seems. There is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel. I have to believe and hope that God loves me.

I know that there are still some things that I can do to make things better for myself and for my family. I can't give up on them even when it seems that they have given up on me. I don't blame them. I feel their anguish with the situation. It does pain me that I can't do anything about it. I'm completely burnt out.

The only reason I keep going is because of the promises God whispers to me in his word. I know I need to trust him and his timing. I can't let fear and despair overwhelm me. Love casts out fear. I know this, yet sometimes I'm still afraid.

It is a bad situation. Some would even call it dire. I honestly don't know what to do. There is no viable solution to the increasingly difficult situation I find myself in today. Some days I wish I could wave it all away and go back to the relatively stable situation I had seven years ago. Then I felt secure in knowing that I had a position that would last. I was receiving enough to support myself and my family. I had no worries about what would happen once my savings was gone. I was free to dream. My family was in good health and I felt good too.

Yet there are so many things I would have missed....friends and acquaintances I would have never known had I remained where I was. Yes, I am in a bad spot right now. I have hope through that the Lord will see me through it.

Giving Thanks and Being Grateful

Giving Thanks In All Circumstances is what we must do daily. It may be difficult with everything that is going on in the world. However when we give into the fear, we defeat the strong purpose God has in our lives. We let others dictate how we should feel. We allow the cares of this world to swallow us up.

We could wallow in self pity now. Looking at this photograph, some would say that the forest in it is dying. Others can look at this photograph and see the beautiful fall colors knowing that this is only a temporary death. The trees will grow their leaves again come Spring.

Much like the season of my life now. There are some things that are dying. I know that winter is coming when nothing will grow. Sometimes those thoughts scare me. No one wants to grow old...but we all do.

We need to give thanks to all the seasons of our lives realizing that in each season there is beauty to be had and enjoyed. We need to be grateful for what we do have in our lives now and not yearning for something more. As any of you that have been reading my blogs know I've been going through a particularly rough patch in my life these three and half years. I've had a time when I tried to push my  feelings down and pretend that life was going on pretty much as it had been. The shrinks call it the denial phase. I've also had the "fighting" phase where I tried my hardest to find some way out of the situation. I admit that in some ways I'm still fighting and unable to accept things the way they now are. It hasn't been easy to let go. I sometimes still long for that time when I felt secure and had a "9 to 5" job.

Yet I can't help thinking that if I hadn't be in the situation that I now still find myself in...that my eyes still would have been closed to all God has planned for me. I can be thankful for all the friends and acquaintances that I met over the past three and half years that helped keep me sane and focused. I can be grateful for opportunities (even if they are not paid) to help others understand their rich heritage and preserve local history. I can be thankful for the support I've received from so many businesses and individuals to bring a vision that much closer to reality.

I can thank God for leading me to people that can help shape the vision I have to help young people realize and embrace their heritage. I thank God for his presence in my life and in my family's lives.

Wrapping My Mind Around The Tragedy In Paris

I'm still a bit numb. Almost overnight our freedoms have been taken away from us. It isn't hard to grasp the seriousness of the situation with some men still on the loose. Yet I can't help thinking that  allowing the government to raid your home or your place of business at any time sounds like something a dictatorship would do. What freedom will we lose if we allow searches and seizures to happen just because someone suspects something? I can't help thinking that it is too easy to point fingers and tell lies about someone without incrimination.

I am still wrapping my mind around how easily everyone seems to accept this "status quo" in order to catch an elusive prey. I hurt for the victims, but I hurt more for those who will be wrongfully accused of the heinous acts without recourse. Will they have a voice? I don't know. It all seems scary until you step back and realize that God is in control. He knows the situation and the hearts of the people involved. They will all be revealed in time for their deeds whether good or bad.

I do believe that this incident, tragic as it is, is probably only the "tip of the iceberg." We do need to prepare ourselves as Christians for what's coming. Our fellow Christians is Syria and the Middle East have already seen the first fruits of the tribulation that is on the horizon.

In some ways Obama is right. We can't condemn the Syrian refugees. To do so would be to repeat the tragedy of WWII when we refused the Jewish refugees. I admit that I am frightened by the threats, but I have to leave my fears in God's hands. He will open a way.

Reaching a Crisis and Moving Forward

I haven't been writing these blogs for the past two weeks. I went through a crisis. It wasn't very pretty. Crisis never is. I won't go into details about what happened. I'm still sorting out the "why" and trying my hardest not to fall apart at the seams.

All families go through these crisis. It doesn't make it any easier, especially when it's someone you love that is going through it with you. There are days still that I'm in denial. I want things to go back to the way they were before the crisis, even though I know that they can't. I want someone to wave a magic wand and make it all go away. It just isn't possible.

I am moving forward. I have to. There is no way back. I keep telling myself that it can't get any worse, even though I know that it can. Some days it really hurts. I feel frustrated and alone. I know others feel that way too. I tell myself to reach out to them and let them know what's going on. My tongue is stuck in my mouth. I feel frozen. I don't want to feel this way. In fact I'd rather feel like I was in control...little realizing that I was never in control.

The Lord knows my needs. He knows how I'm feeling and the stress that has created so many issues in my life. He wants me to lean on him. Yet I sometimes resist. The way is scary and unknown. I may be forced to do some things that I never thought I'd do. I have to trust him to hold me up and not let go. I have to depend on him to give me shelter and food. I can't depend on my own resources.

I am moving forward in faith. God does have a plan for me. He knows where I should be and what I should be doing. He will guide me if I let him. I just have to let him and get out of the way.

Breaking the Ice Jam or Trying to Fit In Without Looking Like A Fool

You know when you have one of those weeks. One day it feels like everything is going right in your world. The next day it feels like the world is coming to an end. I had one this past week. I could say that I was worn out from all the tension and stress that I've been under for so long. I could say that I have been blessed in so many ways. Both scenarios are true statements. It almost like trying to break an ice jam...not that I've ever had that opportunity. You try and try to make someone listen. Nothing works. You feel like a fool because you've grown so much in the past two and half years that the cliches in the corporate world don't fit you any more.

Yet you keep trying. You see that others have fit in. You wonder if you are just too behind the times for anyone to listen to you. You need someone to listen. You need people to care about what happening to you. You feel awful selfish for trying to push past the obstacles that ensnare you in their trap.

I do have a feeling that things will change for me soon. Will it be a huge change? I don't know. All I do know that I can't pretend anymore to like certain things just so I can be gainfully employed. I can't lie either...it just isn't in my nature. I pray daily for a break and sign that I'm going in the right direction. It is hard. The pressure is constant and ongoing to find something quickly. How? I wonder if I'll ever fit in to someone's perception of a perfect employee.

I continue to look for meaningful work. I know that there is a definite deadline here for me to find work. Lord knows that I need to work to support myself. I can't continue in my current state for much longer. The ice jam of obstacles to my employment will break soon. It has to...

Trying to Make Sense of it All: Another Lesson in Humility

I had a historical society meeting tonight. It wasn't well attended. Questions were asked about why but I really couldn't answer them. It just doesn't make sense. There seemed to be such an interest, but no one really wants to do that hard work. I have a core group of pretty amazing guys that are so totally involved. Maybe that's all I need.

I can't stress out over the non response that I've received. It shouldn't matter whether or not you attend a meeting, but it does. I am learning to let go. I am learning not to take things to heart. I can get through this and move forward.

All I can honestly say is that I'm doing the best I can. All I can do is what is in front of me to do. All I can ask is that God grant me what I need.

It is hard to be humble sometimes when grand ideas take shape. It is equally hard to watch those dreams go up in smoke. I know that there are many people on the sidelines who really want to help, but I haven't been able to give them the tools they need. I know that there are some who have just literally "dropped out of sight." What do you do with those who just ignore the messages? How do you make it all attractive and interesting? I don't know. I am still trying to make sense of it all.

I do long for reasonable, long lasting, dependable employment. I am at the end of my rope here. I also need to be humble about what is out there for me.

Floating and Dreaming of An Unstressful life

We had our first taste of fall this week when the weather changed. We also had our first days long rain storm. Thankfully we didn't get the floods South Carolina is getting. I am so grateful for that.

I have been stressing out too much lately. Worrying about things I have no control over and wondering why God is silent to my pleas.

I have yet to learn the lessons God is trying to teach me about trusting him for all things. I try too much to twist the outcome that I can't see what's right in front of me. I know that I can have that unstressful life. I can dream of a life that has some meaning. I don't have to settle for something I don't want or need. This is freeing.

Yes, I am still on the financial edge I've been in for a long time. Yes, my prospects for employment in a corporation are dim. No, I'm not giving up on finding meaningful work. No, I am not going to succumb to despair and melancholy.

I will rejoice in what I do have. I will honor and respect the people around me. I will continue to reach out and talk to others.

Lord is with me. He will guide me in the way I should go. I know I need help to follow his leading. I know that I can't do anything on my own.

I can love him because he first loved me. I can know him because he first knew me and still knows me. I can serve him because he first served me. He miraculously saved me from myself and my foolish pride. His ways are past my understanding. I can place my burdens on him as he knows my needs before I do.

He is my Rock and my Mighty Deliverer. He is my Savior and my God. I can trust him with my future because he hold my future in his strong capable hands. Oh, Lord....please forgive my doubt and help me let go of the weight of stress and worry that robs me of the love you so graciously pour out. Let me not turn my back on those who need you. Help me to see others through your eyes. I am so unworthy of your love, Lord. Thank you for loving me.