Taking Flight and Spreading My Wings

Crazy as it may sound...this week I felt like taking flight and spreading my wings. I am getting very involved now in historic preservation as things are starting to heat up a little with one site in Darby. I am happy to help the historic commission there because I am learning so much. Yet I know that I have to come down sometime.

It's just that it is so hard to come down off the mountain where you can see forever to go back down to the dregs of society where you've been wallowing for a long time. I have to admit that I've felt more alive these past two years than I've felt in a long time. Maybe that's crazy too...because I've been struggling to find work for that long. I look at the scene here...not taken by me...of the mountains "Petty Jean" in Arkansas...and feel a peace about the situation I'm in. I know that it's not an ideal situation at all. Yet as crazy as it sounds, I feel that the Lord is guiding me to make the connections and do the work he assigned me to do.

My eyes have been opened to the plight of those around me. I see their pain every day. Yet I have hope that someday I will stand with my Lord.

Gaining a New Purpose in Life One Step at A Time

My week away from the computer was hard at first. I did find myself itching to get on-line last Monday but managed to curb the temptation. It is amazing how much you can learn by just opening yourself to the world around you and not burying yourself in the computer. You should try it sometime. I know some things are very difficult to do without getting on the Internet. Fortunately there are still some wonderful things you can do without the benefit or distraction of the computer. We have gotten away from doing things hands-on. That's a shame. The Internet should only be a tool, not a way of life. It shouldn't dictate how you live or what you say. Unfortunately this is true for so many of us nowadays. We get so absorbed in the social media we get 24/7 from the Internet that we barely talk to one another anymore. That too is a shame.

We do need to start fighting back and take back our lives from the overwhelming influences of social media in our lives. We need to put down our iPhones, our iPads, our tablets and other electronic devices that seemingly rule our lives and start living. It is becoming scarily obvious if we don't start doing this now, we'll become what George Orwell predicted in the book "1984"....

I don't know about you. As for me...I really don't like being monitored 24/7 and worrying about what others may think of me on-line. I do tend to try to keep my profile private. To some, I am considered a "Luddite" which as some may or may not know is someone who shuns modern technology. Yes, I admit that there are some things that I don't do on-line. I like paper. I like to be able to hold and see things. It gives me a sense of permanency to feel the paper in my hands, and a sense of control that I don't have on the computer. Of course, as all of you know, this is creating havoc with my ongoing job search with everything being on-line and companies longing for you to expose yourself regularly.

I have gained a new purpose in my life. I am going to start by job hunting the old fashioned way...by writing letters and calling people on the phone. It will be hard at first to get anyone's attention...so it will be a kind of experiment to see what kind of reaction I do get by doing this. I will only use the computer (Internet) to look up names and addresses and to check on the company's website for job openings. I will keep you posted from time to time as things develop...It should be interesting to say the least.

Too many avenues to cross-Time to get away and reflect

Yep....this definitely looks inviting. Frankly I am finding that I'm slowly burning out as I continue to search for that elusive job....You know the one. You probably are searching too. It is not easy to work your way towards what seems like an elusive goal knowing that soon enough time will run out. I am finding myself being dragged into working for nothing just so I can prove that I haven't been sitting on my hands while my savings dwindle down to nothing.

I do have options. Some of them will completely ruin my health (retail jobs) and others that will require a lot of hard work for little or no payment. I know for certain that I don't want to go back to the "cage" of the corporate world which no one has any power but to keep your head down and do the work until you are laid off. I am not the same person I was over 2 years ago when I was laid off. I have grown so much in the past 2 years as a person that it would be difficult but not impossible to go back to that setting. I have tried it once for a month. I hated it.

I know that everyone is pressing me to take anything...yet I am torn. Is it worth ruining my health just to have money coming in? What about my commitments to see my venture through to the bitter end? How about the responsibilities I now have to the community? There are too many avenues to cross. I do feel like I'm being pulled in thousand different directions. It is time for me to get away and reflect on what my next steps will be for my life.

Remembering our Veterans

This photograph, taken on Memorial Day 2011, reminds me that it is the young people like Julia Basford seen here that sacrifice the most. Sometimes it seems inconceivable that anyone would be willing to sacrifice themselves for their country. Yet men and women do it daily. This is why I ache when I realize that most young people really don't have a clue about all the sacrifices made on their behalf. I know it seems like I'm bashing them by saying that...and that there are some young people out there that do care. Unfortunately they haven't stepped forward as yet or they have been pressured by their peers not to care.

We need to remember our veterans though. We can't let the sacrifices that are being made even now go unnoticed amid the barbecues and cookouts. It would be a crying shame for those that are now serving like Julia Basford to come home without being recognized for their service. What message are we sending if we continue to ignore and not give honor to those who made the ultimate sacrifice? Are we in fact saying that it doesn't matter? It is criminal not to take some time, either by attending a ceremony, cleaning up a grave site or thanking an individual veteran for their service.

So what do we do about this? Can we stick our heads in the sand and ignore the sad facts that most of the ceremonies are attended by older folk? Do the young people have to be forced to care about the country they live in or is it only a matter of time before it really won't matter at all because we're one big global community?

Words to think about....as we head towards that one world government.

Overwhelmed and Pressed for time

Yep!...That's me. I am feeling so overwhelmed lately with all the pressure of trying to make this venture work. It isn't easy because frankly I'm introverted which means that I have a very difficult time warming up to people that I meet for the first time. Sometimes I just freeze up. Other times I stumble over words and feel like an idiot. I try daily not to put myself down or let the pressure get to me. I feel it though. I struggle to be someone I'm not because that is the way the world wants it. No one likes someone who doesn't speak up for themselves or presses to be heard.

The job market and the people in it embrace the extrovert. The pressure to "network, network, network" is overwhelming. No one takes into account that the introvert isn't comfortable reaching out to others like that. I know that if I had been in this job market five years ago, I wouldn't have survived it. It has only been through a concentrated effort and the Lord's leading that I've managed to survive being in the situation I'm currently in with no funds coming in.

I, like most of my fellow colleagues in the non-profit sector, are scrambling for funds. All of us dream of that one donor/foundation that will provide our organizations with steady incomes. Some of us are pressed for time as savings dwindle without any "light at the end of the tunnel." This means that we have to be sales people and sell ourselves and our services and hope that people will fund us before we have to close up shop.

I have a feeling that things will get better. I have to believe that or throw in the towel...hide somewhere and wait to die. Yes, I have to admit there are days like that...days when I want to give up. I can't. I have to keep going for the young people who need to know their history and for the old people who have that wealth of information they need to pass on before it's too late.

Planning things out or trying not to pull your hair all out....

It is hard to believe at times that I've been with this organization for over a year now. I know that I still have a long way to go before I see any profit out of this venture. I also know that I have to plan things out before I end up pulling my hair out. Once I have a plan in place and feel like I'm moving forward the better I'll feel. I can't let the struggle of trying to stay afloat or the lack of participation get me down. No one ever said that it would be easy. In fact it could be the hardest thing you'll ever do. At least that is what some say.

I am using skills I didn't know I had to do this job...and yes it is a job even though I have received no money for it. I am learning a lot too. My biggest challenge will be getting young people involved in local history. There is only so much I can do on my own. I have to trust that the teachers and superintendents will post and pass the information on to their students. I have to believe that at least a few, if not more of the students, will want to participate in the club....but most of all I need to trust God that he will bring all the groups together. That is the most important aspect of local history...Trusting God in all things.

So before I decide to tear my hair out....I should praise God for everything he has already done.

Trying to fit in and not succeeding...or Try, Try, Try...again

I have been having one of those really busy weeks. You know the ones....You go to a dozen different meetings and by the time you're finished you don't know where you are. You listen carefully. You think that if you are smart enough and organized enough that maybe you'll fit in.

Sometimes you just don't. Sometimes you're just not meant to fit in. Sometimes you just don't want it badly enough. As most of you who know me know, I am in the beginning stages of starting my own business. I decided this year that I wasn't going to get back to that secure place I had. I needed to take my life in another direction. I needed to focus on what God placed in my heart for these teenagers. I needed to find a way to help them make the connections that they need to make and at the same time help the historical societies in the area as well.

I haven't been succeeding too well yet. I have a lot of barriers to overcome. One of the biggest is the lack of funds. I have none. This is the stark reality which I have to deal with and move past to find those revenue streams. I know now that they are out there ripe for the picking. My short term goal is to find those revenue streams while trying to fit into the educational scene. It's only by going towards this avenue will I begin to see results and hopefully find the funding I need to start the local history club.