Trying to remain positive in a negative world

When you're facing difficult circumstances, it'v very hard to remain positive. You want to throw up your hands and give up. You don't because what you're doing is too important. You can't let the negative people drag you down to their world. I know. I'm facing an insurmountable task with the event that I've planned for September. How do I get people excited enough about it? I don't know.

There are times when I just feel like giving up literally. Why am I pressing this? Why do I care? Maybe it's because I don't want to see it all disappear. I know that I'm not the right person. I feel very inadequate for the job....especially now in the midst of all these barriers.

Will they leave me all alone to do this task? Oh, Lord....help me to do your will and not my own. I really want to help get this community out of its slump. I know there are others that feel the same way. Open my eyes to see them.

Reflecting on leaving a legacy

I reached a pretty big milestone yesterday. Some may be persuaded to think that I should be celebrating it, and some do. I've never really been that big on celebrating milestones, except when I'm celebrating someone else's milestone. I have gotten to the point in my life that I'm more into leaving a legacy than in accumulating stuff. I'm realizing that I need to start getting out of the "me" hole and finding out what others need. It hasn't been easy for me. I know everyone has in their own way tried to help, and I definitely appreciate it.

Yet I can't help thinking about what my next steps are. Should I just get something that I may totally hate doing just to have a job? Or should I continue to reach out and search for the one position where I feel I'm really making a difference in someone's life? I know where I want to go with this historical society, and I know that this could be a good way to leave a legacy behind when I'm no longer around.

When you reach a certain age, those thoughts about what is no longer there permeate and you start to realize that the world you thought would always be there is no longer there. It's a scary feeling. I guess that's why I like to retreat into history sometimes. It's permanent and it's not going to change....only the buildings disappear.

I'm grateful for the people I've met over this year and half of unemployment. Yet I yearn for a job, and desperately need the money because everything is going up....and there's the ever looming threat of being out on the street. I know a few who are only a few short steps away from that and it's scary. So...what legacy will I leave behind? What do I want my little nieces to remember about me? I know what I want them to remember....that I love the Lord God and that I've faithfully followed him. I want them to know that God loves them, but he hates sinners.....so I'd want them to know that the Word of God is the ultimate authority and everything in it is true no matter what someone tries to tell you about it or how that they twist it to serve their own purposes. I want them to know that I love them, but hate the sin(s) that they're exposed to on a daily basis and wish them to call on God to eradicate them from their young lives. I want them to see Christ in me and want what I have in him most of all. The road isn't easy, but it's a good one....and a good legacy to leave behind.

Fighting the Financial Medical Monster

I got one of the biggest shocks in my life yesterday when I opened the mail. Inside were two enormous bills for medical services that I've ever received in my life. Once I got over the shock, I was very angry. How could they possibly even think I would play literally thousands of dollars for what little service I received! It's unconscionable and just plain wrong to charge anyone thousands of dollars for bandages, a tetanus shot and a couple of antibiotics. Yes, I am going to fight this. I believe I need to fight it, not just for me but for the others that are being literally "socked" with medical bills that they can't even begin to pay. I say "enough!"

Because of this, there's a very real possibility that my credit rating will be ruined. It is a small comfort that there are others out there that are facing even worse scenarios than I am. It is also comforting to know that there are people willing to help me fight this financial medical monster. I don't know as yet if I'll need a lawyer or not to help me fight these outrageous bills. I hope not.

Will the new healthcare law resolve this? They tout that it will, yet I have a sinking feeling that more and more people will be "socked" with medical bills that they can't even begin to pay.

I do thank the Lord for opening my eyes again to this increasingly dire situation, and pray for a quick solution and victory over the financial medical monster we call the medical profession...namely hospitals, doctors and nurses.  

Fragments of Time

All of us have experienced these fragments of time. Some of us don't want to admit, even to ourselves, what these fragments look like. Yet all of us know that it sometimes feels as if we picking up the pieces of our shattered lives...those fragments of time that we wish we could get back. Wishing doesn't bring those pieces together. Only through a concentrated effort and belief, can we make any headway through the fragments. I know I've asked myself at least a dozen times what I could have done differently to avoid the fragments or to recapture those magic moments that make life worthwhile. There are good fragments of time as well as bad fragments.

When you are young, those fragments are non-existent because you live only in the moment. You don't think about how your actions will mark you for the rest of your life. You don't see the fragments as they are forming. You only see the bright shiny future....at least some of us do. I know there are too many young people today that can't see that bright shiny future. Their minds have been "programmed" to see only the darkness and not the light. How do we reach them?

We show God's love to them by listening and helping them. Will it make a difference? Yes. Knowing that someone is listening will make a difference. Helping them to see what they are doing is wrong both morally and physically will make a difference. We can do this by being open enough to accept them as they are, but strong enough to point out the dark path....those dark fragments of time...to them. We can't do this on our own. We need the Lord's guidance to make us whole, so others can see what he's done for us and want to follow the Lord themselves.

Teaching the young ones before it's too late and leaving a legacy

I was reminded this past Sunday as we celebrated my young niece's 1st birthday that all of us need to be more vigilant in regards to what young eyes see. I know that my nephew resented me for interfering and calling him out. I felt I had to, because he didn't understand what he was allowing my young niece to see.

It still hasn't sunk in yet. My little niece, Aydia, is five years old and at a very impressionable age. When someone with maybe the best of intentions exposes her to violent video games that are not meant for her to see then I have to say something. If I didn't, then I would be just as culpable and responsible for her corruption as the person who exposed her to that garbage in the first place.

This is where the parents should step in, but unfortunately haven't. I guess I'm too old school, but I believe that you're never too young to learn what is right and wrong....Violence even in a simple video game is wrong on many levels. When you expose young children to this, the message you are bringing to their young eyes and ears is that violence is okay....no one really gets hurt. I know that I failed in teaching my little brother this and it bothers me even though I know that he wasn't exposed to cartoon violence until he was at least a little older. It has warped his sense of what should and should not be tolerated. For him, it is too late to turn back the hands of time and wipe the violent cartoon images from his mind. It's not too late for his children if he is willing to teach them now that any type of violence is wrong even in an innocent video game.

Ir is all about leaving a legacy. What legacy will you leave behind? Will you stay in the background and not speak up when you see something is not right? Or will you speak up no matter how unpopular your voice may be? I have to speak up because the Lord is prompting me to and telling me that my nieces will be lost for all eternity if I don't. I care too much about them to see that happen.

Ups and Downs of life....struggling to make sense of it all

I had a rough couple of days trying to work around an injury. On Sunday, while walking my dog, I got bit by another dog. It was a traumatic experience for me because I was afraid the animal would do serious damage to my dog. He didn't...thankfully...as I got in the way by scooping my dog up and got bit. The owners told me that the dog had all his rabies shots which was a great relief to me. I didn't want to go through all the rabies shots. I also was very discouraged Monday night at the low attendance at the meeting of the new historical society I formed in February. It was good though because two new people showed up and I learned something new.

I also got some great information for the historical society on Tuesday. I can feel the Lord working through others. He knows what I need and directs others to help. I am totally blown away by his great goodness to me. I know my injury could have been worse. I know that if I hadn't intervened that my dog might have been seriously injured. I'm thankful for continued healing. I do continue to pray for a job that I can do. I do struggle to make sense of why things happen. I'm beginning to understand a little and am waiting on God for his leading in my life.

Taking a much needed break away from the computer

Last week I took a much needed break away from the computer. The first day or so was very hard. I had to pretend that I was on vacation even though I didn't really go anywhere. When I'm on vacation, I don't take any electronic devices with me. That might seem downright scary for some since they're practically "glued" to their electronic screens whether they be their smart phones, their iPads or their tablets. Yes, I admit that I'm very old fashioned. I don't have any of these devices in my possession. I don't desire to be that connected as a lot of what comes out is garbage.

I do believe that you take in this garbage unknowingly at times. It wears you down and makes you feel inadequate. I am not as much of a Luddite as some are. Writing this blog shows that...yet some would snub me for not being into the latest and greatest technological or social media. I feel that it does sap you if you let it. I realize now that I have been letting it do just that. By acknowledging that I was losing control and by working the best I know how outside the "system", I now see even more daylight than I saw two weeks ago when I wrote my last blog.

We all do need to step away for the electronic influences every once in a while. There is a whole big world out there that doesn't run on electronic impulses. We just have to reach out and grab a hold of it.