Wishing I could go back in time

I'm having one of those weeks. Yes, you know what I mean...or maybe you don't. My head is spinning from all the changes taking place in the world around me. I heard too much, mourned too much and thought too much about the unfortunate souls that haunt the byways of the city which I've grown to hate. Yes, I know that is a strong word. Sometimes, especially when I encounter a dozen of these unfortunate souls, I just want to scream at the injustice of it all. Why I ask myself do things have to be like this? Why can't everyone have a place to live, enough food to eat and be a productive member of society? This is a hard lesson. The Lord said that we would always have the poor with us. Yet my stomach still twists when I realize that I could be in that same situation. It is my greatest fear. I have to tell myself hourly that the Lord has provided and will continue to provide.

I wish I could go back in time. Life seemed so much simpler before the turn of the twentieth century. Back then you were blissfully ignorant of world events, and you could distance yourself from them. Back then everyone worked, even children! Wrap your mind around that....now everyone seems to be out of work and scrambling to find something, myself included.

I often fantasize what it would have been like if Teddy Roosevelt never got elected President or no one thought of this Progressive movement. Would our world been different? I believe it would have. Some of the reforms pushed through Congress wouldn't have passed. Others would have been modified to reflect the more Christian morals that were emphasized back in the 1800s. Yes, I can see that. Yet I know that the Lord let us have our own way, and we've paid for it ten-fold through the past 100 years or so. There would be no healthcare "prison" and no way someone can force you to do something that goes against your moral beliefs. That's another of my fears....having no choice over my own health and well-being.

Feeling sick and tired-but I'm not quitting

I had another "shock" this week. One that I should have expected, but didn't. Right now I'm feeling very sick and tired of every "bureaucrat" that tells you that "Oh, no...you can't do that!" I wonder to myself, "Why not?" I get no answer. I tried to be honest. I'm guessing honesty doesn't pay. Yet I can't help thinking that if I wasn't honest, I would have been "burnt" anyway. So I'm not quitting, as much as I would like to do that right about now.

I know the Lord has a plan for me. Right now it's very hard to see it. I know that too many are going through similar issues and have cried out for help. I also know that I am grateful for all those that are and continue to support me through this dark time. Will I survive it? Right now I don't know that either. All I do know is that I need to trust God to see me through this and provide that place where I can be secure once again and be able to provide for myself and for those I love.

Yes, I freely admit that I'm going through a crisis. Thankfully it isn't, as yet, a serious crisis. I need someone to come alongside me and tell me that everything is going to work out. I need a sign to reassure my flagging spirit that is feeling sick that I'm going in the right direction. Right now it just seems as if everything is falling down around me. Yet I do know that I will get through this period of stress and anxiety that right now is zapping my strength with the Lord's help and guidance.

So I am crying for help. My greatest fears are looming before me, and I don't know if I can stand by myself. Lord, please help me to find that security and stability I need in you. Help me to fight those that would drag me down with them and support those who need me. I need you, Lord.

Freedom deterred-End times

As I sit here writing this blog, I realize that I have so much freedom now. I have freedom to express my opinions about a host of issues. Yet even now my freedom is being deterred. How you may ask? It's fairly simple actually. Because people do have all this freedom, sometimes no one counts the cost. There is one. As most in the United States have now realized there is a cost. All of us must choose whether or not to give up our freedoms so everyone can have what they need. Freedom requires sacrifice.

What most have not realized however is that by accepting the control, we give up our freedom to be. Yes, I know all the arguments for and against the huge change taking place in our government. Yes, I know about all the good things that will and have happened because that law was accepted. I also know that something must be done. I don't have the answers to what should and shouldn't be done, but I have a queer feeling deep down inside that tells me that what the government is doing is terribly wrong. Why you may ask? When the government starts getting involved in the well-being of a person and dictating who should and shouldn't live and die, there's a real problem. Yes, I know that it doesn't sound like that now. I know all the arguments that all that is happening is good. I have to wonder though why so many are "up in arms" about it. What do we know about all the provisions of this law? Nothing.

Here's the scary part.....we're taking a giant leap towards having the government dictate our every move and decide who gets served. The equipment is here for doing this. In Revelation 13:16-18(KJV) "And he causeth all, small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of a man, and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. I don't about you, but that's the main reason why I have a really bad feeling about this whole situation.

We must all prepare for what's coming. Then pray for those who don't know the Lord.

Feels like time is pressing on you

Do you ever have those kind of days when it feels like time is pressing on you? You know you have to do this and that but you just don't feel motivated enough. You've enjoyed the support you been receiving from friends and family. Sometimes however it just seems like all the good advice is making you anxious because you don't know who to trust. That's where I'm at now. I do trust God. If I didn't, then I'd really be in a mess.

To me, it just seems foolish not to trust God. I love to read his Word and remember all the great promises in it. I confess that I don't dwell on it as much as I should. I admire the great Bible teachers and missionaries that have laid aside everything for the sake of others. This is hard for me. I could blame the circumstances that have led me to this stage or say that it's someone else's fault. I could blame my environment. Environment, some say, plays a big role in shaping character. No, I won't do that for the simple reason that we all make choices in life. Some are bad. Some are good.

I know I can't let the feeling of time pressing in on me be the deciding factor in whether or not I move forward or stay where I am. Change is scary, but having the Lord there beside you lessens the impact of it.

Time is just going too fast!

Yes, I'm having one of those weeks. You know the kind. You feel like you're running in twenty different directions and getting nowhere fast. It is funny when you stop and think about it. You blink and wonder what happened. It is times like this when you just want to sit back and let it all go. I know I can't. Too many people are counting on me. People like my mom and dad who have supported me. People like those who hunger to hear more about the past and long for a simpler time. I sometimes put too much pressure on myself as well.

I can't expect others to do what I need to do, yet I can't push myself to do what I'm not capable of doing. Does that make sense? Maybe not....I made myself take a week's vacation...at least I tried to. I couldn't help checking my e-mail and getting on Facebook though. I panic when I realize how little time I have to do much of anything....It's just going too fast!!!!

Dwelling on our own mortality-reflections

Sometimes we are so quick to say that things will always remain the same. None of us realize the brevity of life. We assume that each day we will have breath, we'll be in the same situation and that eventually everything we ever wanted to happen would happen. Life doesn't happen that way. We don't always get what we want, but we always get what we need.

I want to cry sometimes for the unfairness of it all. I watch the people I love around me falter as they try to recapture their youth. No one realizes that youth is fleeting, never to be visited again. Some try. I feel their ache as my own. I know in my heart that I have to make the most of the time I have here on Earth. This also is hard to do when it seems as if someone is pushing you one way, while another person is pulling you in another direction. What do we do? Do we give up, as some have done? It is tempting to do just that. You tell yourself and any one else who will listen that you have the right not to care. It is foolish, an inner voice tells you. You shut it off. You tell yourself that you're not going to listen to the wisdom of the words being spoken.

Shutting yourself off isn't the answer. You have to open yourself up, especially during those times when your inner voice screams to be left alone. It's hard. Everyone knows it. Speaking of mortality takes some courage, because we come to realize then that things won't remain the same. Some day soon we'll all part this mortal curtain. When we do, what will we find? Our fears tell us that we'll find loneliness and despair. Our hopes tell us that all our finest dreams will come true. Yet, if we're being logical, we know that it will be neither hope or despair that will greet us. Logic only takes us so far. It is cold and unfeeling, and doesn't take into account God's love for us.

The greatest marvel is that God loves us.

Trying to be tough and not succeeding

Yes, you read the title right. How many times have you tried being tough? Hard, wasn't it? It's not easy to stand and take the "medicine" of malicious people around you. You know that some of their criticism is right. You have to stop being so thin-skinned, so you can stand up. It's funny sometimes we think that we are so strong, so capable that nothing or nobody can stand in our way. Other times it's extremely difficult, if not impossible to stand at all.

I've had that kind of week. I know that this is the time when you have to let go, and not try to tough it out. I know I'm not going to succeed on my own. I know I need the support of family and friends to see me through and most importantly I need to continue to lean on God.

We do fight daily against the forces of evil. Sometimes it's quite easy to give in to the lusts and desires that vie for your attention. That's why you can't do it yourself. You are not strong enough to try and be tough. I think that is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't depend on myself, nor can I depend on others...I have to depend on God. It's not that far fetched an idea, that dependence on God. It makes a whole lot of sense actually since he's in charge of everything anyway. Who are we fooling when we try to be tough? Ourselves, mostly and the people around us.