April Showers-Where are they?

When I think about April showers, I remember what my grandmother used to say about how they bring May flowers. With the weather we've been having lately, most of the early spring flowers are already out and the cherry blossoms are gone. I missed them.

All those old sayings seem quaint now. Memories of those times are fading. I try to bring them back, but they disappear. Why, you may ask, do I want to hang onto those memories? I don't have a good answer. Maybe I fight for simplicity. Those memories make it seem as everything was simple. I know it wasn't.

I'm settling in now, trying to see through the clouds of darkness that threaten to undo me. I think that when I reflect that this dark time is like the dark clouds and rain that water the earth, I begin to understand more that there is a light ahead. I don't need to look behind me to see that things will work out. I have to look forward, see that ahead there are the beautiful vistas waiting for me. Much like the April Showers that water the earth, this dark time will prove beneficial to my growth. Without any trial...dark time, then there can be no vistas of glory.

This is mind blowing. To imagine that God sent his son to die....to go through the agony and despair....for us! Wow! The Lord had his dark time in Gethsemane and on the cross. Then Resurrection morning came and he shook off the power of death. Praise God for April Showers!

A step back to move forward

Last week I went through a bit of a shock. I tried my best to reason it out, and now have an even better understanding of what happened. I'm calling it a learning experience that could have turned out worse than it did. I've had to take a step back to see what I was doing, regroup and move forward. I can't say that I'm all there yet or that I'm not still in what some call a stage of grief even though no one died.

I am blessed to have so much support. I am blessed that I can move forward and that I do have the resources and tools to do it. It is going to be scary too. I realize that. No one in my position can rightfully say that he/she has it made or that they can go it alone. I know this with my project. Without other people's support, I'm sunk before I start. So I'm grateful to the Lord for bringing me friends and family that support me wholeheartedly.

Time will come, and I know this, that I will in turn support them. I pray that I'm just as supportive as they have been to me.

An unexpected backlash

Yes, you read that title right. Most of us have days when we wish that we'd never gotten out of bed in the first place. Some of you have also probably been in the same situation that I now find myself in. It was an unexpected backlash that threw me for a loop...one that I should have seen coming but didn't. I guess we can all, at one time or another, relate to what I'm calling literally a "cat fight" in the making. It's kind of funny in a way...not "ha, ha" funny but rather the kind of funny feeling you get when you notice something is kind of "off".

I should have known that it wouldn't last. I guess in my gut, I did even when I thought I was doing what I should be doing. I didn't dress right, I didn't answer the phone right and a million other tiny things that accumulated to the point where it back lashed. I wasn't her "buddy" and we "clashed" in a nonverbal way. The others also hated my attitude...I sensed that too. So maybe I set myself up for it. I tried too hard to conform, but felt like a fish without water.

Lord knows it's for the best. No one likes the effects of a backlash....It stings. Yet I can pick myself up from it, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Going back in time

Sometimes I get the feeling that I would like to go back in time. Things seemed simple back then. At least from my perspective now, they do. Yet I know that it wasn't. There were wars of the heart and soul then too. People were just as sinful and corrupt. It's human nature some say. Yet it just seems that things are a lot worse than there were when my parents were young. Then the country honored its Christian heritage and prayed in school. Yes, there were people back then that pushed their corrupt doctrines down the throats of the gullible and innocent. But there was also a "backbone" or consciousness that kept things in check. That is gone.

Where did it go? What happened to ruin the backbone of this country? I can tell you in one word....Progressivism. Teddy Roosevelt and his ilk promoted it, and it sounded good...and a lot of good things supposively came from it. Yet I can't help thinking that this was actually the start of socialism in this country. Granted some good did come out of this movement, like the decent working conditions and a living wage. I can't help thinking, however of what was sacrificed for this. Are we any happier? Maybe....but somewhere along the way we forgot the one who provided for us. We decided to do it ourselves and make ourselves our own gods.

This didn't happen overnight. My parents grew up in a world that honored and respected their Christian heritage. That is not to say that some didn't abuse that honor or decide that God's way wasn't theirs or interpret God's word to suit their own agenda. There were many like that. Yet I now see our own government trying to dictate what we can and can't do with our own bodies. Yes, that may sound that I'm for women's rights...and I am to some extent. I can't help but think however that the government is forcing people to pay for other people's promiscuity and sign up for health insurance. Don't get me wrong health insurance is a good thing and people should have it...but to make it a mandate and penalize people for not having it???? Or even worse forcing someone to do something that they don't want to do....just seems so wrong.

Can we go back to that simplier time? No. We can, however, move forward and reach out to God.

Feeling like a time warrior

I remember when I first started this blog back in 2009. I had a simple premise. I would write about time. Funny how it kind of morphed into something completely different, yet I know that life is like that. You think that things will always remain the same, that your parents will always be there but then something happens. All of the sudden you realize that time has whizzed right by you, and you are left with next to nothing. Isn't that how it goes? No.

I'm amazed that God could love me. I fight daily against the forces of time and destiny. Why? I am a fool, and the Lord knows it. He loves me, even though I fail him daily as I fight against forces that threaten to tear me apart. I'm only beginning to understand the core of his deep love....It's not material stuff that we accumulate, nor is it the myriad of friends that come with that stuff. It's something bigger and deeper than that. Why can't I trust him? That is the essence of the struggle I see now. The more I fight against the lost of control, the more I lose. So why do I struggle? Some would say it's because I am human....and to be human is to struggle.

Yet, I can't get past what I read in God's word about laying it all at his feet. So I do. I have to. He is my Rock and my deliverer. In him will I trust, because all around me is sinking sand....

Time to reflect

Every so often you come to a point in time when you have to stop and reflect on what happened. I've come to that point in time. I decided not to rally against the injustice I perceive happened. Instead I decided that I'm going to let go and let God take care of it. I know I should have done that all along. I know that it is hard for me to trust and it is scary too. You step out on a limb. You don't know what is going to happen. You hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I won't doubt God's care for me. I've seen it this week even in the midst of what I felt were fiery trials. I can thank him for supporting me and showing the small tiny light in the distance that I can reach toward. I don't know what's going to happen next. No one does.

I admittedly feel alone. I ask myself if I am the only one that is balking at the circumstances I'm finding myself in. Is it wrong to question it? No. I feel I need to....

Remembering our Presidents

I bet you didn't know Monday was President's Day. No one celebrated it, except for a few federal offices and the post office. Used to be that we would have two days in February to celebrate. One day to celebrate Lincoln's birthday on February 12th, and the other day to celebrate Washington's birthday. Then some politician decided that we didn't need those two days. No one cared about the man who proclaimed emancipation for the slaves....Abraham Lincoln. No one cared about the man who became the Father of our Country. Instead it's now just another day....even the garbage collectors pick up trash....shame...! You honor a man whose legacy has been blown way out of proportion....more than you honor the men that fought for those freedoms.

Maybe I'm too old school for this travesty of justice....maybe I'm not PC enough. It sickens me that we create huge monuments for one man....He is not a god. The way we celebrate his legacy and forget the ones that gone before also sickens me. I fear for my country when we take away the honor that is due to men like Washington and Lincoln and give it to a man who represents only one segment of the population. Yes, the man in question did bring to the forefront the rancor and malice that some had against this segment. That's a good thing, but I'm sure he's probably rolling in his grace for all the fuss that is being made in his name.

I know you have heard the recordings of his speeches. I can't be certain of his whole heart, but am certain that he would have felt very uncomfortable with the focus being on him. Plenty of others before and since he left this world have left their mark. It's a shame when no one recognizes the huge marks both Lincoln and Washington have left on this country.