Roll back time or can we do over?

It's funny when you look at something and realize that somehow, someway, something happened that you least expected. You try to reason it out. There is no reason of it. Sometimes you just want to do it over. Unfortunately time isn't a loop. Time isn't circular, but linear. The only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, pick ourselves up and move on. I told myself that at least a thousand times. I know the malaise and resentment that permeates the whole country at a time like this. They don't realize that God is in control. Everyone wants that control. Are we all fools? Yes.

Lord knows us. He knows our stubborn wills that want control of everything. Once we get that control, we long to roll back time. I've been thinking about that a lot. I know a big part of my personality is that sense of control. I can reason it out, telling myself that it's only assurance that I will not be left behind. Yet I fool myself with this thinking. God's control is a lot better than mine. I can trust him, not myself.

So, I will thank the Lord and praise him for his many blessings. I will let go of my doubts and fears and place them in his capable hands. Only then will I be able to roll back time and do over those things that honor and extol his name.

Grateful for time and expectations of heaven

You probably think this is a weird title for a blog. Yes, I am grateful. I can't help but be so, even in the midst of all the chaos surrounding us in this world. Here's why: I know that none of us think of time as something solid. We tend to think of time as expendable and rightly so. We waste it. We try to hold onto it with both hands. We can't. All we can do is watch and wait. Some of us feel helpless. Yet in the midst of all this, we can be grateful to God. Again, you may ask, why? Because God holds everything in the palm of his hands. You can't predict what's going to happen tomorrow, but God knows. So I can be grateful for time, because God works through time.

At times like these, I ponder what the word of God says about heaven. I wonder what it will be like and sometimes wish time would speed up, so I could go there. Other times I'm grateful for the time I have here. I know that the Lord's time is perfect, and that he has a plan for me. I may not know it. I may struggle with the circumstances I find myself in. Yet even in the midst of that struggle, I have the assurance that God is there beside me. I do have some expectations of heaven.

Freedom to be-Time to be thankful

Yes, we celebrated another 4th of July yesterday. Did we think, however, of the freedoms we lost? Or were we too busy thinking of what's in front of us? Yes, we definitely need to wake up. What, you may ask, do you mean by that? I mean that we need to realize once and for all that we all have the freedom to be. No one has taken that freedom away from us. We should be thankful that we live in a country, so far, that hasn't denied that right. We aren't. We focus too much on the gross and the mundane, forgetting the sacrifices made.

I listened. I wept for those who would distort the truth. I wanted to scream for those that were denied the right to be. I didn't. Instead I walked away. I knew that the truths the founding fathers tried to convey to us were truly lost. Why? I don't know. I couldn't help thinking as the words of the Declaration of Independence were read that we are no better off than we were then. Did the people that listened to those words 235 years ago feel that the writer had captured their feelings? Or were some of them angry that those words should be spoken out loud? I knew from what I read that some were angry enough to make their voice heard. Would I stand up? Would I let my voice be heard?

Could I let it go? No. The freedom to be is too strong to be denied. It is a basic right and a solemn promise. I'm guessing those founding fathers felt the same way, just they also, as I do, focus their love and attention to the One who deserves it....The Lord.

Still Thinking about the future

You know when you hear all around you of the sad tidings, you get the feeling that the future is going to be pretty grim. Then you hear some beautiful organ music, and you can tell yourself that there is still some good in the world. Today I had the chance to observe some people in action. I told them and myself that I was only observing. Some day though I know I will have to step out, make some painful choices and go where the Lord wants me to go.

I can sense the struggle and itch to help. I know I must curb my tongue. It's hard. I caught myself speaking when I should have remained silent. Yet, how do you know when to speak up? I was nervous. I felt a little lost. I thought about my future. I thought about what I observed. I was glad to be an earpiece or sounding board. I definitely want to help. I just not sure how.

Strange times-What will happen next?

As the title suggests, I had a strange week last week. I am slowly but surely getting used to my demotion. In some ways I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I am in the same "boat" as my former employees except they have a site to call their own. I don't like the position I'm in. In fact, I prefer to have some stability. Yet I know we live in strange times, when the people that are supposed to help end up sounding like they're backpedaling. I realize that for all the pretty words they don't know what's up. Yes, they do try to get you to agree to your changed situation and tell you it's not a demotion. Funny....I can't help but think that it is.

Dad and I are busy doing our projects, trying in our ways to sort through the craziness and outright lies. Strange times when hard work and perseverance gets a cold shoulder and laziness and greed are rewarded....Yet, I know all things will eventually right themselves. Truth will prevail.

Dreaming for the future, Digging in the past

I've been doing a lot of research this past week as part of a major project that I'm undertaking. Some of it is fascinating, and some not so fascinating. I have to admit that digging in the past has made me think more about the future. I wonder what people will think of my work here. Will they appreciate it? Will they take away anything from learning about the past? I don't know. I hope so.

I get excited when I discover something new. As I told so many people this past week, I'm doing this because I believe that it should be done and that there should be one record, if possible, of everything in the small town I grew up in. Maybe some will think that I'm crazy. Why are you putting yourself through this? I have to smile. I'm dreaming for the future and wishing that those that come behind me will know how I lived and how the others before me lived.

Right now I'm not sure what will come of all of it. I feel I must do it though, because I feel called to do it. Yes, it does get me away from my current work situation. I am grateful for that. It also makes me feel alive and needed.

Time to reflect on life

I spent the last two days sorting through the accumulated junk in the attic and my room. It is hard to believe the stuff I held onto for so long. I wondered as I dug through the boxes what I was thinking when I decided to save the stuff I saved. Maybe I thought it had some value. Maybe I was going to use it for research. I don't know. I finally decided that I needed to get rid of it all. There is still a lot to do. I know this. I know that I still have a lot to do with my project as well.

I am glad for this time to reflect. I realize that time is fleeting, and you definitely have to make the most of it. I can't let myself get bogged down by the negative news and strife that swirls around me. I have to focus in on the positive, knowing that I am not alone. I can make a difference.

Lord knows who I am. He knows me better than I know myself. I will continue to believe that this time of reflection will yield good results. I will be energized to do whatever the Lord requires me to do. I will lean on him, knowing that he has my best interests at heart. I will not yield to the bitterness that has threatened to overtake me. I will not complain when it seems that everything is falling apart around me.

I am blessed. I know this completely, and I do thank the Lord.