You know when you have one of those weeks. One day it feels like everything is going right in your world. The next day it feels like the world is coming to an end. I had one this past week. I could say that I was worn out from all the tension and stress that I've been under for so long. I could say that I have been blessed in so many ways. Both scenarios are true statements. It almost like trying to break an ice jam...not that I've ever had that opportunity. You try and try to make someone listen. Nothing works. You feel like a fool because you've grown so much in the past two and half years that the cliches in the corporate world don't fit you any more.
Yet you keep trying. You see that others have fit in. You wonder if you are just too behind the times for anyone to listen to you. You need someone to listen. You need people to care about what happening to you. You feel awful selfish for trying to push past the obstacles that ensnare you in their trap.
I do have a feeling that things will change for me soon. Will it be a huge change? I don't know. All I do know that I can't pretend anymore to like certain things just so I can be gainfully employed. I can't lie either...it just isn't in my nature. I pray daily for a break and sign that I'm going in the right direction. It is hard. The pressure is constant and ongoing to find something quickly. How? I wonder if I'll ever fit in to someone's perception of a perfect employee.
I continue to look for meaningful work. I know that there is a definite deadline here for me to find work. Lord knows that I need to work to support myself. I can't continue in my current state for much longer. The ice jam of obstacles to my employment will break soon. It has to...
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