Reaching a Crisis and Moving Forward

I haven't been writing these blogs for the past two weeks. I went through a crisis. It wasn't very pretty. Crisis never is. I won't go into details about what happened. I'm still sorting out the "why" and trying my hardest not to fall apart at the seams.

All families go through these crisis. It doesn't make it any easier, especially when it's someone you love that is going through it with you. There are days still that I'm in denial. I want things to go back to the way they were before the crisis, even though I know that they can't. I want someone to wave a magic wand and make it all go away. It just isn't possible.

I am moving forward. I have to. There is no way back. I keep telling myself that it can't get any worse, even though I know that it can. Some days it really hurts. I feel frustrated and alone. I know others feel that way too. I tell myself to reach out to them and let them know what's going on. My tongue is stuck in my mouth. I feel frozen. I don't want to feel this way. In fact I'd rather feel like I was in control...little realizing that I was never in control.

The Lord knows my needs. He knows how I'm feeling and the stress that has created so many issues in my life. He wants me to lean on him. Yet I sometimes resist. The way is scary and unknown. I may be forced to do some things that I never thought I'd do. I have to trust him to hold me up and not let go. I have to depend on him to give me shelter and food. I can't depend on my own resources.

I am moving forward in faith. God does have a plan for me. He knows where I should be and what I should be doing. He will guide me if I let him. I just have to let him and get out of the way.