Reflections of the past year-Learning to lean on God

Christmas is now past. I can't say that it was a particularly good one for me. It was nice to have all the family around, yet as I was pelted with flying wrapping paper (A family tradition that I wish would go away) I had the feeling that somehow I missed something. Maybe it was because I'm so very burned out and stressed by my current situation that I'm not thinking clearly. I know that for my family it was been one of those years full of joy and sadness all mixed together. We welcomed a new member of the family in May-Aubrey Rae. She is a real joy. Her laughter rings out and her smile lights up the room. Then there's the cold hard fact that I've been unemployed longer than she's been alive. I just have to look and reflect on that and my stomach clenches. The only thing that has stopped me from going into a deep well of depression is my work on my book and the publication of it. I know that I can't lean on that. I know that I have to lean on God.

When I reflect on everything that has happened in the past year, I realize that God has a purpose for this time of unemployment. It was only when I became unemployed that I was able to really see the need around me. I understand now the pain and suffering of those that have no resources, yet are expected to gain employment to somehow survive. I've seen the faces of the many disenfranchised whose only recourse seems to be to "pound the pavement" looking for a job...any job. Yes, I've been that desperate. One of my relatives is also looking for work, but he isn't in the same desperation mode as I am in. He's younger and in a good field. He's already got some part-time work which is a good thing for him.

Some days I do struggle to lean on God. I don't understand why I'm still struggling to find meaningful work to do. Other days I can see some light at the end of this dark tunnel. I'm praying for a stable job, not one that will require me to pay my own taxes...unless of course I decide to go out on my own and start a small business. That is a thought I've been tossing around lately as my job search has stalled and I've gotten totally burned out. I know I have to seek God's direction in this. I can't go out on my own.

Trying to hold onto the real meaning of Christmas

Yes, we all try to hold onto the real meaning of Christmas every time we see something or hear something that depresses us. We tell ourselves that Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about the ultimate gift of God's son coming down to Earth to save us from our sins. One day, hopefully and prayerfully soon, we will be with him forever. Sometimes that's a scary thought. Most of the time it's a freeing thought. No longer do we have to be bound by the shackles the world tries to bind us with or threatened with scenes that spoil our dreams. We can take a hold of the precious promises the Lord gives us daily.

We can thank God for his son and for the life that he brings to this dark world. It is his miraculous birth that we celebrate each year. I know that I have to remind myself that the real meaning of Christmas is that God is with us. We don't have to be afraid or desperate enough to take anything that comes along. God has something better. It's hard to believe sometimes, especially when time is ticking down to the last moments of the year and we feel that our choices are becoming increasingly limited. Will he bless us?

Yes, he will bless us if we only believe and trust our conscious mind to go the way the Lord leads us to go. I have been praying for the Lord's leading in many areas of my life. I struggle though with decisions that I must make soon. I feel as if my head is splitting in two with all the choices. I fear I'll make the wrong one and regret it for the rest of my life. I know that the only way I'll find peace is to let go and let God handle it. His timing is perfect. Mine isn't.

Holding on to the hope of Christmas in a dark world

Yes, I've decided to hold onto hope this year. Everyone around me may try to take that away from me, but I'm not going to let them do that. Instead I'll look at the positives of what's currently happening. I know God's timing is perfect even when it seems as if everything that can go wrong does. We all learned from the time we were young not to give in to despair, but instead embrace hope in whatever form it takes. At this time of year that hope usually takes the form of a baby. When you reflect on the innocence of a tiny baby and marvel at its tiny hands and feet, you find hope. That tiny person holds hope in his or her tiny fist.

I watch my niece Aubrey as she explores her new world. Her bright inquisitive eyes study her surroundings. What will the future hold for her? The doomsayers tell us that she has no future. I don't believe that. I believe that God has a special plan for her life.Just as he has for everyone of us.

The Lord strengthens me through the Christmas season as we remember the lost ones who bring nothing but joy and peace. The Lord motivates me and encourages me in times of need. He brings me and my family hope for the future.

How do we hold on to the hope of Christmas when it seems like there is no Christmas? We hold on because God sent his son to die for our sins...thereby giving us hope for eternal life. We hold on because our focus isn't on ourselves anymore but on others. Yes it is a dark world and a lot of ugly things happen. Yet there is light and it's brighter than the sun. We can remember the Christ at Christmas time because things can get ugly fast if we don't remember.

Coming up from the depths of despair and finding the true meaning of Christmas

Another really rough week, but am still holding on. I know that I'm going through this heavy emotional trial for a reason. Yet sometimes it still feels as if I'm in the depths of despair. There are many like me, especially during this time of year when everyone is expected to be joyful. I know in my case that it's very difficult due to a number of factors to be happy. I struggle daily with the forces of evil and lean heavily on the word of God to see me through. It's in the word that I find the true meaning of Christmas.

It's funny how sometimes when you least expect it, you learn valuable lessons such as patience, endurance and love for one another even when that person is unlovable at times. For example, my mother came home on Friday disabled from her injury and not able to walk very well. I had to be patient, knowing there wasn't really much I could do for her except fix meals and clean up. Not being able to do the things she had been able to do before made her cranky. I had to put myself in her shoes and endure seeing her in such a state. It hasn't been easy, but will be worth it in the long run.

Right now I need to focus on what my next steps will be. I have a lot of decisions to make soon as far as housing and finances. I pray continuously for God's guidance and wisdom. I thank God for his son who came to save us from ourselves and release us from the depths of despair. His precious gift of sacrifice for me is undeserved but is so appreciated. I think that is the true meaning of Christmas...that unselfish act of love.

Moving ahead-Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

This week has been very rough for me. My mother fell and broke her hip Wednesday night at church. I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that and realizing painfully that my responsibilities towards both my parents have grown exponentially with this new "wrinkle" in time. I am thankful for the doctors and nurses that took care of my mother while she was in the hospital, but now I am facing a very long road ahead of me as I deal with the consequences of my mother's now limited mobility. Things like how is she going to get around now in the house...and/or if we're seriously going to have to move out due to this. I've had some good news on one front as my book sales are coming along nicely. Yet, I know that is not stable income.

I have to move ahead, thanking the Lord that I can while still longing to be with him. I can almost see a light at the end of this terrible trial I'm going through now. I appreciate all the encouragement I've received. Knowing that there are others going through or have gone through similar circumstances gives me hope. I think that is the most important lesson that I am still learning. There is hope in adversity. There is even joy, oddly enough, in knowing that there is a better world out there and God loves me so much that he sent his son, Jesus Christ to die for me. I still get "blown away" by that.

Counting our blessings even in tough times

Over the past eight months I've grown to appreciate all the I do have. It admittedly has been a rough road for me trying to fill my days with work that I'm not getting paid to do and trying to find that elusive stable job. This period of unemployment has been different in many ways than my other bouts of unemployment. I'm older now, and not as flexible as I once was. People look at me differently too. Yet, I can still be thankful for so many things. I can be thankful for the money I'm receiving from the government to provide the things I need like food and shelter. I can be thankful for family and friends that haven't turned their backs on me yet and are still supporting my ongoing efforts to find stable employment. I have to admit at times I felt like giving up but they haven't let me. I do appreciate them all so much.

I can be thankful that I'm still in relatively good health since I'm like many who struggle to even afford health insurance. I feel sorry for those that do need it now, and are struggling to pay massive bills that are only going to get worse. I can be thankful that there are still a few caring doctors and nurses out there that are willing to break and bend the rules to get a person the best care they can get. I worry that too many are not and are willing to sacrifice those who need care the most so that everyone can get care.

I am thankful that the Lord is in control even now when it seems as if everything is falling apart at the seams. I can be thankful for his great love for you and me, a love that far surpasses my own. I admit that I do struggle to love my fellow man especially when I see the results of the hate they have for my beliefs. I still can't get over the fact that America chose a man who literally turned his back away from God. Yet, I still believe that the Lord will use him like he has used all the other men before him who have done the same thing. We can count our blessings even now as we pray for our world.

Is America heading towards a Civil War?

As many of you now know the election held last Tuesday has pretty much split the country even further than it had been four years ago. Some of us wept when we heard the news, and some remained stoic or in a state of denial. Yes, I have to admit that my heart ached when I realized my visions were becoming reality. Yes, I also see that one of two things will happen. States that feel strongly about their freedoms being taken away will secede from the country and/or our personal identity will be lost and millions who weren't supposed to die, will die.

Government now controls every aspect of our lives. We accept that control because frankly we like to eat....I am reminded however of the story of Esau. Esau was the firstborn son of Isaac and as the firstborn son he was entitled to his father's property and was to be given his father's blessing. Because he was hungry, he sold his birthright to his brother Jacob. The birthright entitled Esau to his father's property, so in essence he sold his soul for the temporary relief of being full. America has done the same thing here. Yes, there are some good things to be said about the new healthcare law...everyone will be covered....but at what cost? I'll tell you at what cost...the cost of our identity..

The question I pose with this post isn't simple. There are many factors that come into play when you talk about civil war. As much as this country is polarized right now with the myriad of new rules and regulations looming on the horizon and with the threat of our personal identity being compromised, I do believe that it will only be a matter of time and a few other factors before we see some real signs of a split between the Christian worldview and the Islamic worldview that is increasingly coming into focus within this country.

Reflecting on "The Star Spangled Banner" and what that means now

When I last visited Baltimore in celebration of the 200th anniversary of the Battle of 1812, I got a chance to see the flag being sown by both supporters and those who played the role of the woman who sewed that first flag that Francis Scott Key saw from a ship as it flew over Fort McHenry in Baltimore Harbor.

I recalled then the story of the woman and how much time and effort she and her servants put into making the flag. (Some of it is seen here in this picture from 2010.) Today, as I recalled how the song originated and listened again to the words composed by Francis Scott Key, I realized something basic. Like we are at this present time, Mr. Key faced an uncertain future. Any number of things could have happened that night as the bombs exploded overhead and the British threatened America's future. It was only God's intervention that saved Baltimore that night. It will be only God's intervention that saves us this night. What most don't realize now is that we are in a spiritual battle more real and terrifying than any physical battle. Some would look the other way, figuring that there was nothing anyone could do to stop the forces of darkness from overtaking the world. Maybe the Lord will allow this to happen and our world will darken even more with the coming of the Anti-Christ who will promise to lift us up, only to destroy us completely. The signs are all there. No one can deny them any longer or make excuses that they can't see what is right before their faces. Yet, maybe the Lord will intervene again on behalf of the American people and keep our country whole. It will split if God doesn't intervene tonight...that's for sure.

Even if it does split because of what happens tonight....I have to believe that morning will come like it did for Francis Scott Key...Maybe....Prayerfully with the dawn's early light we will see that the country is still standing. Yet, even if it doesn't, God is with me. So I'll hang onto that now.

God's timing is perfect-Lessons from Hurricane Sandy

At times yesterday when the wind howled and the rains came down I worried that I may have to evacuate. Many people have evacuated from the Jersey shore, and will be coming back to flooded houses and debris from downed trees. I heard however many people who have weathered the storm say that they were lucky to be alive. Hurricane Sandy proved to some that God's timing is perfect. Some were calling it the "perfect storm" with its mixture of cold and warm air masses that collided with each other to form a super storm of epic proportions. I believe that God provided some lessons to be learned here.

1) Trust in the Lord with all your mind, heart and soul. Trust that he has your best interest at heart even when it looks like the timing is all wrong.

2) Hurricanes are unpredictable. So is God....in some ways. We can't understand why things happen the way they do. We can only prepare and hope for the best. God knows what going to happen, but he lets us have free will in choosing our own destiny.

3) If someone tells you to get out....Get out! You can't hang on when it's time to leave or put yourself in a state of denial that anything is happening at all. God's timing....listen for it and act.

4) Lend a hand if you can. Don't let the fear mongers rule you. Worry is a sin. So those times when I worried, I prayed for those who were in harm's way, such as the firemen, policemen and utility workers. They all deserve special recognition for all they do to keep us out of harm's way.

5) No matter how big the storm, God is bigger. He provides for our every need.

I will continue to pray for all those affected by Hurricane Sandy and are still feeling the effects of the storm. Some are saying it may months before all is restored.

A big accomplishment-My 1st book

I've been working on this project for about a year and half now. Some days it didn't seem that long. Other days it seemed as if I've been working on it forever. The funny thing is now that I have the book in my hand, it still feels a bit strange. I mean this in a good way. It is very exciting to see your words in print and know that someone, hopefully many people will read it. I don't think I have mentioned this in this blog before now, but I am a history bluff. The only history I don't like is military history, as it gives me a headache.

Book "Images of America-Collingdale Borough...coming November 19th...

What I really like about completing this project is now I'm one step closer to my goal of getting a comprehensive history of my hometown in one place and accessible to all. Local history is important, and we all can learn a lot about ourselves when we look at the many facets of a typical small town in America or anywhere else for that matter.

I guess my fascination with time also has a lot to do with my love of history. I sometimes like to conjecture what it might have been like had one or two events in the past changed. I know lately that I have been wishing that we could all go back to the time before this mess happened and shake those in charge to do the right thing. Unfortunately we are stuck with what we have. Yes, I have to remind myself daily that it is God's will that this or that happens. I do struggle with this, even as I struggle with my current circumstances. I can be thankful for many things. One of them is having this avenue to express my thoughts to the world. It is truly a blessing to be able to witness this way about what the Lord has done for me and what he continues to do. I can't give in to fear and doubt about what's going to happen tomorrow because I know he holds the future in his hands.

Reflecting on the coming election

The closer it comes to election time, the more time I feel I should be spending with my family. I know a lot seems to be riding on this election as I heard many corporations are preparing to "let go" thousands if the election doesn't go the way they want it to go. I get a sick feeling deep in my gut when I hear that. I have to ask myself why? What is it that has these companies so eager to pull up stakes and leave the country? I understand the feelings of anxiety some are now feeling right about now. It's almost like being hung by a rope over a boiling sea of water, not knowing when the rope will break or if you'll be rescued at the last minute. These past four years haven't been a "picnic" for me. In fact they have been the most stressful years in my whole entire life due to the fact that I've been an unwilling witness to the deterioration and death of America as we have known it.

I did have a premonition of this death before our current President was elected. I knew that if he was elected (and he was) that the foundations of our country would crumble. They have. Can it be revived? I don't know. All I know for sure is that God has a plan for this world. His plan is now coming to fruition in many ways. It's exciting but also scary to know that everything is coming together for the end of this current age. I know there are many that have speculated that the Lord is coming back at a certain date. There are even some, I have to admit that sometimes I'm one of them, that wish with every breath that he'd come back now to take them home with him.

I do have a mission here. Lately I've been pressed to think more and more about it due to the coming election. I know the Lord has brought to my mind the needs of the disenfranchised around me. I wonder why so many are being barred from employment due to lack of resources. It wasn't like this before. I have to admit that what's coming through electronically sometimes scares me. What is happening to this world when you can't even get a part time retail job without getting on a computer!!!!

Treasuring the time you have with your family

Today is my father's 75th birthday. As a present I wrote him a letter telling him how much I treasure him. I know I definitely treasure the time I have with him, knowing that some day these days will be only a memory. I learned that you really can't take anything for granted. If you do, then it could disappear. I also learned to be patient and wait on the Lord. Sometimes that's hard to do. You want instant gratification. Yet the sweetest joys come from those things that you have to wait and work for to receive.

Part of my ongoing journey through life makes me reflect on the attributes that my father has ingrained in me. Attributes like honesty and integrity in all he does...and like standing up for what you believe even when no one else does. His strong faith in God anchors me. I admire his willingness to help others and his empathy.

I also treasure the other members of my family. I know that I need to make time for them to let them know how much I treasure them as well. That is the lesson which I am still learning. Spending time with family isn't wasting time, it's investing it. The best investment you can make is witnessing to those in your family who don't know the Lord and showing by example his love for them.

Redeeming your time on Earth

During my recent period of turmoil I've learned a lot about redeeming time. In some ways I have looked to what I've devoted most of my time to and found that I've spent too much time on worldly things. It's hard not to when it seems as if there are a thousand different voices leading you in a thousand different directions. When I thought long and hard about all the time I've spent doing things that don't edify me or anyone else, I've tried to prioritize my time. It isn't easy. I know it hadn't been easy for me. I've had to learn to let go of some things that were dragging me down and take up others that would fill that void. I think that is my real problem, finding the right things to do....thereby redeeming my time.

Our church is currently going through a study of I Peter, and I am amazed by what I've learned so far from the first 10 verses! I learned that we are chosen by God to do his will. That means to me that we need to stop focusing on the "time wasters" such as the latest gossip, and start concentrating on his Word. It is a treasure trove of wisdom for those who would use it and share it with others.

If you are anything like me, the sharing part is hard because no one wants to hear, and you feel inadequate and pressured to conform to the world. I have used this blog to share what is in my heart. Yet sometimes I feel like I've exposed myself too much to those who would care less. I would hope, however, that someone would take these words to heart themselves and find some encouragement to keep going....and thereby redeem their time on Earth.

Taking time to count my blessings

It's been a very busy week for me with a lot to take in. I have to remind myself that I can't take everything so seriously that I neglect to count my blessings. I do have them. Taking the time to count them is something we all should do, myself included in this...but how many times do we forget this? Too many. We rush from here to there putting out "fires" without stopping to think about the one who has given us everything. So my number one thing to be thankful for is the fact that God loves me.

I do have blessings all around me, when I realize that God loves me and that he provides for me. I know that he won't overburden me with situations I can't handle. He knows me better than I know myself. I am blessed when I realize that he is with me always and will never forsake me, even when I sometimes turn my back on him. What a fool I am when I do that! I am blessed when he brings people into my life and shows me how special they are to him. Yes, I do believe that everyone is special in God's eyes. I think we sometimes forget in the heat of battle that God loves us all and wants the best for us. Unfortunately we don't want to hear what God's best is for us. We rather take off on our own. I am guilty of this.

I am blessed because I can turn to God, and ask his forgiveness. Since he forgave me, I can forgive others that have hurt me and let go of the anger. It is a freeing feeling to let go. I am blessed because he has provided me with food and shelter, and tells me not to worry about tomorrow. So I try not to worry, because it doesn't add anything to my life...it only subtracts.

I am blessed by friends both on-line and in person. Having this social media can be a blessing if it is used right. I know that sometimes it isn't used right, and that's a shame.

Taking Time to find the joy in life

I know that sometimes it's difficult to find joy in anything. I've had my moments this week when I felt like crying but didn't. Then I realized that there is still much to be thankful for in this world we live in. I can praise God for all that he has given me to cherish. I think we do forget in the midst of our struggles and pain to look beyond and see the whole picture of God's grace. I know I have. I know that I have to remind myself daily to take time to find that joy before letting the world and its woes suck me in. There is a saying that you don't appreciate things until they are gone from your life. That's sad.

In my present situation, I've had to step back from all the negativity that is constantly being generated about the world in which we live in and how hard it is to get by anymore. I've had to stop worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day...worrying is a sin and concentrate on the positive aspects of life. It is extremely difficult to do, but I'm doing it.

I praise God for my family and friends who even now support me in many ways. I praise God for food, shelter and opportunities to write. I even praise God for people that disagree with me or try to tear me down. I know who my redeemer is and long for others to know him too. The Lord has richly blessed me. My joy comes from him who has redeemed me with his blood.

Taking Life One Day at a Time

I took the day off yesterday to reflect on all that has happened to me and to our country. There is definitely a spirit of depression and anxiety hovering over us. No, it's not the usual anxiety that always manages to hover during a Presidential election year. All of us have experienced that to one degree or another. This is different and scary. I know I sometimes have a tendency to make things seem harder or scarier than they actually are. That's why I need to take life one day at a time. Once I do that, then I can begin to see that there is a light at the end of this increasingly dark tunnel that this whole country seems to be in now. I can't voice or write what I sense upon my heart as to why I feel this country is in a dark tunnel or what I shudder even now to think about what may happen if things continue down this dark path.

I can tell myself that it will be okay. I can push myself to do something, yet as I reflect on what I have done in the past that brought me and this country to the state where it is today...I wonder if I should step back and analyze what I've done before moving forward. Hence the mantra of taking life one day at a time instead of planning huge blocks of time thinking that everything will fall into place. Something like an outline or a framework that would stabilize me and make me feel secure would be my first step. The Lord is my anchor and my framework....on his foundation I do stand. I will take the scripture that says: "Don't worry about tomorrow.", but will also plan reasonably for what I want to accomplish in this life.

Thinking about labor and what it means

I have a different perspective now of labor due to my current circumstances. I'm learning the hard way that there is labor that leads nowhere and labor that fulfills someone's need. Time is a precious commodity, so if you do labor that doesn't lead anywhere then you are wasting it. If you labor to fulfill someone's need, then you are redeeming it. It sounds pretty simple. We all must labor to help each other out, not accumulate stuff for ourselves or build a barrier between ourselves and others.

So, how do we labor for others? We start by stopping to think about how we can fulfill someone's need. What are their pain points? How can you resolve to fix them? First and foremost you should write down and resolve to do what you can to fix the situation(s) that are causing the pain. Pray and talk to God about the situation. Then you should labor as God directs you, utilizing the talents and abilities he has given you. Not so simple...some of us spend our whole lives trying to figure out where our talents and abilities lie. Yet we all have unique talents and abilities that we can start using and we should start using.

I know what mine are but obstacles get in my way when I start to use them. I forget at times who is in control. I panic without reasoning out the circumstances that led me to where I am. I have to remember and remind myself that God is in control. So, do I wallow in self-pity because of my current circumstances or do I praise God for the resources and support he has given me? I choose to rejoice and praise God for the resources and support I've been given. Now I must utilize that support and those resources to help someone else out, otherwise I'll be wasting both time and energy.

I then come to the conclusion that in everything I do that I should do it for the Lord, not for myself. I realize that labor can be a bitter experience for everyone involved or it can be a blessing to everyone involved. Do I want to be a burden or blessing? I want to be a blessing.

Putting on the whole armor of God-Time to Fight

Yes, I realize all too well what it means to put the whole armor of God on now. It means that I need to bathe myself in God's Word, soaking it up in my mind so I can answer those who come out against me. It means I need to trust God to know what's in front of me, and not my own self. It means that I can't give in to the fears and doubts that assail me.All of this is hard to do. I know. I'm struggling now with fears and doubts that want to tear me apart. I can't let them. I have to remind myself that I'm not alone, even when it seems like I am.

As a country, we too must start to fight against the forces of evil that have prevailed in this land. We can no longer afford to be complacent and pliable. Yes, that's hard too. I know. You say the wrong thing and people judge you for it. Some say it's better not to say anything at all. Yet I can't help hearing in the back of my mind the phrase, "If you stand by and do nothing, it's just the same as if you condoned the action." I can't stand back anymore and watch others suffer for the wrongs that are being perpetrated on the innocent. I'm not foolish enough to think that one person can make a difference. I know that there are many out there that are waiting for the right moment to act. I can understand that too. With all the rhetoric flying around, it's even more difficult to ascertain when to speak out. That's why we all must put the whole armor of God on, not just one piece. We have to be willing and able to speak up against the evil and show others the good. If someone doesn't have the good, then it's a given that they will fall back to the evil.

I believe that is the situation in the world today even with all the great communication. No one understands the good. Their ears are closed to the Word of God, even while prophecy is being fulfilled right before our very eyes! How do we tell them? We tell them through our actions and our words. 

A dark and scary time

I've been living through a dark and scary time. It seems almost like Satan and his minions want to do all they can to extinguish the light. Satan knows that my biggest fear is being out on the streets, especially at night. He fans that fear to the point where with every step I'm looking over my shoulder. Then he places people in front of me that are ready and able to tear me down. I do struggle daily to put that fear aside. Yet when I let my guard down, he pounces. I'm reminded more readily than ever before that I must put on the armor of God and continuously guard against his attacks. If I keep telling myself that God is in control, I can move on.

Both presidential candidates scare me with their vicious verbal attacks and imagery. I can wallow in despair about the state of the economy and my current situation or I can try to do something about it. I can begin to focus on God more and his promises that now seem even more appealing during this dark and scary time. I remind myself that I'm only passing through and hopefully pulling others to follow me. I do believe that only in Christ is there salvation for both soul and body. I pray for everyone who is still in bondage to Satan and his minions who tell you constantly that you are captain of your own ship....or just do it.

I still can't understand that reasoning. Why would you "just do it" without weighing the cost or understanding how it would affect the people around you? Everyone needs someone to come alongside them. I know I do.

Angels of Mercy-Coming in the nick of time

This week has been particularly hard for me. I've had to trust others to do the right thing and wait on the Lord. There have been some angels of mercy around me. I know this. I was at the lowest point of my existence, wondering what in the world I was going to do. Then I heard a voice telling me that I was not alone. I knew that voice. I heard it many times before. I had a choice to make. I could continue to wallow in my self imposed prison or I could reach out. I decided to reach out. Would my situation improve with this reaching out? Yes....just having someone to talk to and who was willing to listen was enough.

I was struggling. Yet I told everyone I wouldn't give up. I couldn't give up. I felt like I was drowning, going down for the last time when someone came and lifted me up. The words of encouragement energized me. I could now laugh at myself, instead of weeping for what was lost.

Maybe you're struggling now. Maybe you feel as if the bottom has dropped out and you're free falling to your doom. There is a lifeline. You just have to believe that it's there and reach out. Yes, I know it's scary to reach out. You don't know what to expect. I know. I've been there. I know that feeling of not wanting anyone to know how scared you are and not being able to do anything at all. It's not a good feeling.

Remember this, God sent his son in the nick of time to save us from ourselves and to make us his children. More than you and I, he knows the innermost part of your being....the part that longs to be whole again. He can make you whole again. He's done it for me many times. I have the assurance that he will continue the work he's doing in me forever. What a comfort that is!...to know that he won't give up on me.

Days of Daily Blessings-Grace in the midst of trial

This week I was reminded of God's grace towards me in so many ways. I realized that we are so blessed in this country, even as we struggle to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. I know that I have been blessed by the support I've received from so many people. I think it's because I can relate to where they are at and can see the pain they are going through more clearly than I had before now. Some say that suffering grows a person if they let it. I believe that is so. Sometimes it's extremely difficult to understand why the Lord seemingly allows bad things to happen to us. Yes, I do that. I admit that freely. The Lord knows our struggles and our fears. He knows how hard it is to stand when it seems like the world has turn its collective back on you. Yet I do stand. I do have a purpose, a God given purpose and a calling.

Suffering can also embitter a person if they let it. You tell yourself that you're just another "cog" in the wheel. You don't understand how anyone could love you or even care. You shut yourself off to any help, and tell yourself that you can do it yourself. Oh, I know those feelings too. They choke the life out of you. They whisper that you should just give up and give in. What is one less person in the world?

Oh, don't you know that you are precious in God's eyes? He loves you. He loved you so much that he sent his son to die for you and more than that....Christ took your sin on himself and became the Sacrifice. I am blown away by this because of what happened next. Christ rose again! It gets even better....He's coming back to bring us to his Kingdom to live with him forever more. Just thinking about that makes me feel like singing "Hallelujah!".

It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

Yes, I am grateful. I am still alive, still healthy even as I go through this emotional roller coaster of  a life. It's funny you never really see things for what they are until you see them through someone else. We're all blinded by things that don't really matter in the grand scheme. I have tried to rationalize my feelings, but they are so subjective and apt to steer me wrong. I know I've been stressed out wondering why God has placed me in the situation I'm now in. Some of you know what I'm going through with my current lack of employment. Yet I believe it is more than that. I can't pin it down right now, but can only say that if anyone had ever seen "Future Shock" either at school or somewhere else....then they would feel the same way. The feeling that there is no permanence in the world is what rapid change does to the world.

I do have hope though. The Lord sustains me and in his word is the permanence I long for in my life.

Time to be Grateful

Yes, I now realize that I've been having a "grumpy" fest lately. I've been so absorbed by all the negative stuff that's been going on in my life that I've forgotten the positive. It is time to be grateful. It is time to stop putting out these negative feelings. No one needs to know those negative thoughts anymore. They just don't. So starting right now I will be grateful for at least one good thing in my life.

I know it will be hard at first to think positively when everyone around you is responding to things negatively. It can't be a chore for you to do. It can't be something someone forces you to do. It has to be something you want to do. More importantly it should be something that you can look at and respond to in a positive way. Yes, I know that's tough too. The world wants to pull you down with it.

Here's the key.....Close your eyes. Think of one thing that you would miss if you didn't have it. Now imagine life without it. Would it be rough? If so, then praise God you have that thing. Right now, I'm grateful for friends and family, my health, food and shelter.

I know what you are thinking....that's easy. Yes, but here comes the hard part. We also should be grateful for the bad stuff that happens to us. I forgot that too readily this past year. I am grateful though for the hard times, even when they try my soul.

Wishing I could go back in time

I'm having one of those weeks. Yes, you know what I mean...or maybe you don't. My head is spinning from all the changes taking place in the world around me. I heard too much, mourned too much and thought too much about the unfortunate souls that haunt the byways of the city which I've grown to hate. Yes, I know that is a strong word. Sometimes, especially when I encounter a dozen of these unfortunate souls, I just want to scream at the injustice of it all. Why I ask myself do things have to be like this? Why can't everyone have a place to live, enough food to eat and be a productive member of society? This is a hard lesson. The Lord said that we would always have the poor with us. Yet my stomach still twists when I realize that I could be in that same situation. It is my greatest fear. I have to tell myself hourly that the Lord has provided and will continue to provide.

I wish I could go back in time. Life seemed so much simpler before the turn of the twentieth century. Back then you were blissfully ignorant of world events, and you could distance yourself from them. Back then everyone worked, even children! Wrap your mind around that....now everyone seems to be out of work and scrambling to find something, myself included.

I often fantasize what it would have been like if Teddy Roosevelt never got elected President or no one thought of this Progressive movement. Would our world been different? I believe it would have. Some of the reforms pushed through Congress wouldn't have passed. Others would have been modified to reflect the more Christian morals that were emphasized back in the 1800s. Yes, I can see that. Yet I know that the Lord let us have our own way, and we've paid for it ten-fold through the past 100 years or so. There would be no healthcare "prison" and no way someone can force you to do something that goes against your moral beliefs. That's another of my fears....having no choice over my own health and well-being.

Feeling sick and tired-but I'm not quitting

I had another "shock" this week. One that I should have expected, but didn't. Right now I'm feeling very sick and tired of every "bureaucrat" that tells you that "Oh, no...you can't do that!" I wonder to myself, "Why not?" I get no answer. I tried to be honest. I'm guessing honesty doesn't pay. Yet I can't help thinking that if I wasn't honest, I would have been "burnt" anyway. So I'm not quitting, as much as I would like to do that right about now.

I know the Lord has a plan for me. Right now it's very hard to see it. I know that too many are going through similar issues and have cried out for help. I also know that I am grateful for all those that are and continue to support me through this dark time. Will I survive it? Right now I don't know that either. All I do know is that I need to trust God to see me through this and provide that place where I can be secure once again and be able to provide for myself and for those I love.

Yes, I freely admit that I'm going through a crisis. Thankfully it isn't, as yet, a serious crisis. I need someone to come alongside me and tell me that everything is going to work out. I need a sign to reassure my flagging spirit that is feeling sick that I'm going in the right direction. Right now it just seems as if everything is falling down around me. Yet I do know that I will get through this period of stress and anxiety that right now is zapping my strength with the Lord's help and guidance.

So I am crying for help. My greatest fears are looming before me, and I don't know if I can stand by myself. Lord, please help me to find that security and stability I need in you. Help me to fight those that would drag me down with them and support those who need me. I need you, Lord.

Freedom deterred-End times

As I sit here writing this blog, I realize that I have so much freedom now. I have freedom to express my opinions about a host of issues. Yet even now my freedom is being deterred. How you may ask? It's fairly simple actually. Because people do have all this freedom, sometimes no one counts the cost. There is one. As most in the United States have now realized there is a cost. All of us must choose whether or not to give up our freedoms so everyone can have what they need. Freedom requires sacrifice.

What most have not realized however is that by accepting the control, we give up our freedom to be. Yes, I know all the arguments for and against the huge change taking place in our government. Yes, I know about all the good things that will and have happened because that law was accepted. I also know that something must be done. I don't have the answers to what should and shouldn't be done, but I have a queer feeling deep down inside that tells me that what the government is doing is terribly wrong. Why you may ask? When the government starts getting involved in the well-being of a person and dictating who should and shouldn't live and die, there's a real problem. Yes, I know that it doesn't sound like that now. I know all the arguments that all that is happening is good. I have to wonder though why so many are "up in arms" about it. What do we know about all the provisions of this law? Nothing.

Here's the scary part.....we're taking a giant leap towards having the government dictate our every move and decide who gets served. The equipment is here for doing this. In Revelation 13:16-18(KJV) "And he causeth all, small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of a man, and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. I don't about you, but that's the main reason why I have a really bad feeling about this whole situation.

We must all prepare for what's coming. Then pray for those who don't know the Lord.

Feels like time is pressing on you

Do you ever have those kind of days when it feels like time is pressing on you? You know you have to do this and that but you just don't feel motivated enough. You've enjoyed the support you been receiving from friends and family. Sometimes however it just seems like all the good advice is making you anxious because you don't know who to trust. That's where I'm at now. I do trust God. If I didn't, then I'd really be in a mess.

To me, it just seems foolish not to trust God. I love to read his Word and remember all the great promises in it. I confess that I don't dwell on it as much as I should. I admire the great Bible teachers and missionaries that have laid aside everything for the sake of others. This is hard for me. I could blame the circumstances that have led me to this stage or say that it's someone else's fault. I could blame my environment. Environment, some say, plays a big role in shaping character. No, I won't do that for the simple reason that we all make choices in life. Some are bad. Some are good.

I know I can't let the feeling of time pressing in on me be the deciding factor in whether or not I move forward or stay where I am. Change is scary, but having the Lord there beside you lessens the impact of it.

Time is just going too fast!

Yes, I'm having one of those weeks. You know the kind. You feel like you're running in twenty different directions and getting nowhere fast. It is funny when you stop and think about it. You blink and wonder what happened. It is times like this when you just want to sit back and let it all go. I know I can't. Too many people are counting on me. People like my mom and dad who have supported me. People like those who hunger to hear more about the past and long for a simpler time. I sometimes put too much pressure on myself as well.

I can't expect others to do what I need to do, yet I can't push myself to do what I'm not capable of doing. Does that make sense? Maybe not....I made myself take a week's vacation...at least I tried to. I couldn't help checking my e-mail and getting on Facebook though. I panic when I realize how little time I have to do much of anything....It's just going too fast!!!!

Dwelling on our own mortality-reflections

Sometimes we are so quick to say that things will always remain the same. None of us realize the brevity of life. We assume that each day we will have breath, we'll be in the same situation and that eventually everything we ever wanted to happen would happen. Life doesn't happen that way. We don't always get what we want, but we always get what we need.

I want to cry sometimes for the unfairness of it all. I watch the people I love around me falter as they try to recapture their youth. No one realizes that youth is fleeting, never to be visited again. Some try. I feel their ache as my own. I know in my heart that I have to make the most of the time I have here on Earth. This also is hard to do when it seems as if someone is pushing you one way, while another person is pulling you in another direction. What do we do? Do we give up, as some have done? It is tempting to do just that. You tell yourself and any one else who will listen that you have the right not to care. It is foolish, an inner voice tells you. You shut it off. You tell yourself that you're not going to listen to the wisdom of the words being spoken.

Shutting yourself off isn't the answer. You have to open yourself up, especially during those times when your inner voice screams to be left alone. It's hard. Everyone knows it. Speaking of mortality takes some courage, because we come to realize then that things won't remain the same. Some day soon we'll all part this mortal curtain. When we do, what will we find? Our fears tell us that we'll find loneliness and despair. Our hopes tell us that all our finest dreams will come true. Yet, if we're being logical, we know that it will be neither hope or despair that will greet us. Logic only takes us so far. It is cold and unfeeling, and doesn't take into account God's love for us.

The greatest marvel is that God loves us.

Trying to be tough and not succeeding

Yes, you read the title right. How many times have you tried being tough? Hard, wasn't it? It's not easy to stand and take the "medicine" of malicious people around you. You know that some of their criticism is right. You have to stop being so thin-skinned, so you can stand up. It's funny sometimes we think that we are so strong, so capable that nothing or nobody can stand in our way. Other times it's extremely difficult, if not impossible to stand at all.

I've had that kind of week. I know that this is the time when you have to let go, and not try to tough it out. I know I'm not going to succeed on my own. I know I need the support of family and friends to see me through and most importantly I need to continue to lean on God.

We do fight daily against the forces of evil. Sometimes it's quite easy to give in to the lusts and desires that vie for your attention. That's why you can't do it yourself. You are not strong enough to try and be tough. I think that is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't depend on myself, nor can I depend on others...I have to depend on God. It's not that far fetched an idea, that dependence on God. It makes a whole lot of sense actually since he's in charge of everything anyway. Who are we fooling when we try to be tough? Ourselves, mostly and the people around us.

Dreaming of a better world-fantasy or reality

You would think by now that I would face reality. I haven't. I still hold out hope, because it is the only thing that keeps me going. I do dream of a better world. I don't think it's fantasy to believe that things will get better. Some would say that reality is that things are getting worse. I hear about all the violence around me and cringe. I know the fears that all of us have. Yet I still dream. I can't fathom the world my little nieces will grow up in. Maybe for their sakes, and for their contemporaries, I wish for a better world. Is it an impossible dream? Only the Lord knows for sure.

I know the Lord has a plan for me. He wants me to dream of that better world, and share the vision with others. I know that I can't bemoan the present state of this fallen world. All I can do is try to change my corner of it by being open to those in need around me. I can't be afraid to reach out. Maybe if I did more of that, then I could in some small way make a better world.

Welcome to the World

We welcomed into the world a baby girl Saturday, May 19th. Actually she is my newest niece. I now have three nieces...how cool is that! Aubrey Rae was two weeks early, but welcomed nevertheless. I also "birthed", if you can call it that, a new book. I'm like any parent, still a bit nervous about what's coming next. It's hard to let go. You know you must, because God's will is done.

I truly believe God had his hand on this project from the beginning and have to believe that he will continue to have his hand in it. Just like a new baby, you have to believe that God has his hands on him or her. I know God will bless this little one and that God has great things in store for her.

Overwhelmed but hanging on

As you can see from the date on this post, I deviated from my usual Tuesday blog. I do that from time to time as work requires me to get away from the computer. Yes, I know what you are thinking. What work could she possibly mean? Being in the writing profession, you don't get a lot of recognition and you "fight" with thousands of other writers to get your words in print....Yes, I do know how easy it is nowadays to get something out. Any one can do it.

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by everything that's been going on both in the world and in my own personal life. I am hanging on, and I am grateful to the Lord for this time. I know my loved ones are growing impatient with me as they don't understand the quagmire that is the job market today. I can't fault them for that. I often wish for a simple process to get the job I know is out there for me. I know the Lord will put me in a position that will suit me, but for now I hang on.

In a waiting mode-Trying to pick up the pieces

Two weeks ago now, I saw my last regular paycheck. Some have probably already guessed my current status. I knew a good part of it was that I was unwilling to continue to float from one place to another. Dealing with one company is work enough for me. Right now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward. It's hard. A lot of my life did revolve around my job. I didn't live, eat and breathe it, but I came very close at one time.

I'm now at what some would call a waiting mode. I wait for someone to get back to me. I continue my research and I pray for my sanity. Some days time seems like an anvil. I know plenty of others are in the same situation. They want to work. They ache for some purpose to take away this feeling of dread that envelopes them when they think about the future. Yes, I admit I'm scared. Who wouldn't be?

Tough times but strong people

I have my ups and downs...times when I feel as if the world is going to end and other times when I feel as if I have the world at my feet. I look at the strong people around me. I wonder how they manage through the tough times. Is there some magic formula that gets them through? Or is it only by sheer will that they stand straight and tall through it all?

I am learning through this tough time that nothing is concrete but God. I know that it's only through him that I can stand strong. I know this, but it's hard to put into practice. Time seems to slip through your fingers. You keep putting it off or saying I can do it myself. How foolish!

Even the experts tell you that you can't. Yet that is just what we all want to do. We worry and don't trust God that he has the best plan for us. We complain when it seems as if everything is falling apart. We hide our true feelings and don't give ourselves time to heal from the hurt that still rips us apart.

Weighted down and overwhelmed

Do you ever get the feeling that you are weighted down and overwhelmed by life? I've been feeling that way these past weeks as I try valiantly to conquer the sea of despair that is the current job market. I do see it in the faces of the people that I meet daily. I see it when I go here on-line with all stories of people struggling just to find meaning in life. I started a new blog entitled "Unemployment stories" which will have stories of people that are feeling overwhelmed by the obstacles that they are facing now that they are unemployed.

This blog will continue to be about time and random thoughts about God. I'm hoping with this new blog to post my progress through this unsettled period and gather stories from others as well.

Blown away by blessings

Yes, I have had a tough month dealing with loss. No, it wasn't the earth shattering loss that brings a person to his/her knees. It was the kind of loss all of us are experiencing nowadays with the terrible economy. This kind of loss, they tell you at my stage of life, can be devastating because for some your employment defines who you are. Yet I have been blown away by blessings. I can say with utmost confidence that the Lord is with me, and that he is still providing for my needs even now.

I don't know what my future will hold now. No one really does. Some may say they do or try to predict it in many ways, but they don't. The hardest lesson I learned and that I'm still learning is to trust God. Most of us, myself included, prefer to trust ourselves or any number of things not realizing that ultimately God is in control. I tell myself this every day whenever I feel as if my world is collapsing all around me or I hear about the violence that has taken another life. God does have a plan for my life, and I need to be open to it.

I am grateful to have this avenue to express my thoughts, for support from my friends and family and for God's provision.

Dry as a bone

Funny, I often consider those words when I think hard about our current situation. Not very pleasant to think that everything is as dry as a bone. I recall the words from Ezekiel 37 that mentioned a valley of dry bones and how they came to life again. I sense that this perfectly describes what the whole world is experiencing now. We don't have any nourishment, because it has been taken away. We've turned our backs on the one who can give us that nourishment. Why? Can we not trust that he will do as he promised? Can we not see that this "valley of dry bones" that we find ourselves in will someday flourish?

The dictionary definition of "dry as a bone" could be summed up as an extreme lack of water. That gets me on another thought track when I realize how precious a commodity water is. We assume, wrongly, that it will always be there. Yet some tell us that it is scarce and becoming scarcer.

I think of the "Living water", and remember what he said in his word about drinking the living water and never thirsting again. Only he can provide the nourishment we need to survive in this world. Only he can supply us with rain enough to void the saying "dry as a bone." He is our great provider.

April Showers-Where are they?

When I think about April showers, I remember what my grandmother used to say about how they bring May flowers. With the weather we've been having lately, most of the early spring flowers are already out and the cherry blossoms are gone. I missed them.

All those old sayings seem quaint now. Memories of those times are fading. I try to bring them back, but they disappear. Why, you may ask, do I want to hang onto those memories? I don't have a good answer. Maybe I fight for simplicity. Those memories make it seem as everything was simple. I know it wasn't.

I'm settling in now, trying to see through the clouds of darkness that threaten to undo me. I think that when I reflect that this dark time is like the dark clouds and rain that water the earth, I begin to understand more that there is a light ahead. I don't need to look behind me to see that things will work out. I have to look forward, see that ahead there are the beautiful vistas waiting for me. Much like the April Showers that water the earth, this dark time will prove beneficial to my growth. Without any trial...dark time, then there can be no vistas of glory.

This is mind blowing. To imagine that God sent his son to die....to go through the agony and despair....for us! Wow! The Lord had his dark time in Gethsemane and on the cross. Then Resurrection morning came and he shook off the power of death. Praise God for April Showers!

A step back to move forward

Last week I went through a bit of a shock. I tried my best to reason it out, and now have an even better understanding of what happened. I'm calling it a learning experience that could have turned out worse than it did. I've had to take a step back to see what I was doing, regroup and move forward. I can't say that I'm all there yet or that I'm not still in what some call a stage of grief even though no one died.

I am blessed to have so much support. I am blessed that I can move forward and that I do have the resources and tools to do it. It is going to be scary too. I realize that. No one in my position can rightfully say that he/she has it made or that they can go it alone. I know this with my project. Without other people's support, I'm sunk before I start. So I'm grateful to the Lord for bringing me friends and family that support me wholeheartedly.

Time will come, and I know this, that I will in turn support them. I pray that I'm just as supportive as they have been to me.

An unexpected backlash

Yes, you read that title right. Most of us have days when we wish that we'd never gotten out of bed in the first place. Some of you have also probably been in the same situation that I now find myself in. It was an unexpected backlash that threw me for a loop...one that I should have seen coming but didn't. I guess we can all, at one time or another, relate to what I'm calling literally a "cat fight" in the making. It's kind of funny in a way...not "ha, ha" funny but rather the kind of funny feeling you get when you notice something is kind of "off".

I should have known that it wouldn't last. I guess in my gut, I did even when I thought I was doing what I should be doing. I didn't dress right, I didn't answer the phone right and a million other tiny things that accumulated to the point where it back lashed. I wasn't her "buddy" and we "clashed" in a nonverbal way. The others also hated my attitude...I sensed that too. So maybe I set myself up for it. I tried too hard to conform, but felt like a fish without water.

Lord knows it's for the best. No one likes the effects of a backlash....It stings. Yet I can pick myself up from it, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Going back in time

Sometimes I get the feeling that I would like to go back in time. Things seemed simple back then. At least from my perspective now, they do. Yet I know that it wasn't. There were wars of the heart and soul then too. People were just as sinful and corrupt. It's human nature some say. Yet it just seems that things are a lot worse than there were when my parents were young. Then the country honored its Christian heritage and prayed in school. Yes, there were people back then that pushed their corrupt doctrines down the throats of the gullible and innocent. But there was also a "backbone" or consciousness that kept things in check. That is gone.

Where did it go? What happened to ruin the backbone of this country? I can tell you in one word....Progressivism. Teddy Roosevelt and his ilk promoted it, and it sounded good...and a lot of good things supposively came from it. Yet I can't help thinking that this was actually the start of socialism in this country. Granted some good did come out of this movement, like the decent working conditions and a living wage. I can't help thinking, however of what was sacrificed for this. Are we any happier? Maybe....but somewhere along the way we forgot the one who provided for us. We decided to do it ourselves and make ourselves our own gods.

This didn't happen overnight. My parents grew up in a world that honored and respected their Christian heritage. That is not to say that some didn't abuse that honor or decide that God's way wasn't theirs or interpret God's word to suit their own agenda. There were many like that. Yet I now see our own government trying to dictate what we can and can't do with our own bodies. Yes, that may sound that I'm for women's rights...and I am to some extent. I can't help but think however that the government is forcing people to pay for other people's promiscuity and sign up for health insurance. Don't get me wrong health insurance is a good thing and people should have it...but to make it a mandate and penalize people for not having it???? Or even worse forcing someone to do something that they don't want to do....just seems so wrong.

Can we go back to that simplier time? No. We can, however, move forward and reach out to God.

Feeling like a time warrior

I remember when I first started this blog back in 2009. I had a simple premise. I would write about time. Funny how it kind of morphed into something completely different, yet I know that life is like that. You think that things will always remain the same, that your parents will always be there but then something happens. All of the sudden you realize that time has whizzed right by you, and you are left with next to nothing. Isn't that how it goes? No.

I'm amazed that God could love me. I fight daily against the forces of time and destiny. Why? I am a fool, and the Lord knows it. He loves me, even though I fail him daily as I fight against forces that threaten to tear me apart. I'm only beginning to understand the core of his deep love....It's not material stuff that we accumulate, nor is it the myriad of friends that come with that stuff. It's something bigger and deeper than that. Why can't I trust him? That is the essence of the struggle I see now. The more I fight against the lost of control, the more I lose. So why do I struggle? Some would say it's because I am human....and to be human is to struggle.

Yet, I can't get past what I read in God's word about laying it all at his feet. So I do. I have to. He is my Rock and my deliverer. In him will I trust, because all around me is sinking sand....

Time to reflect

Every so often you come to a point in time when you have to stop and reflect on what happened. I've come to that point in time. I decided not to rally against the injustice I perceive happened. Instead I decided that I'm going to let go and let God take care of it. I know I should have done that all along. I know that it is hard for me to trust and it is scary too. You step out on a limb. You don't know what is going to happen. You hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I won't doubt God's care for me. I've seen it this week even in the midst of what I felt were fiery trials. I can thank him for supporting me and showing the small tiny light in the distance that I can reach toward. I don't know what's going to happen next. No one does.

I admittedly feel alone. I ask myself if I am the only one that is balking at the circumstances I'm finding myself in. Is it wrong to question it? No. I feel I need to....

Remembering our Presidents

I bet you didn't know Monday was President's Day. No one celebrated it, except for a few federal offices and the post office. Used to be that we would have two days in February to celebrate. One day to celebrate Lincoln's birthday on February 12th, and the other day to celebrate Washington's birthday. Then some politician decided that we didn't need those two days. No one cared about the man who proclaimed emancipation for the slaves....Abraham Lincoln. No one cared about the man who became the Father of our Country. Instead it's now just another day....even the garbage collectors pick up trash....shame...! You honor a man whose legacy has been blown way out of proportion....more than you honor the men that fought for those freedoms.

Maybe I'm too old school for this travesty of justice....maybe I'm not PC enough. It sickens me that we create huge monuments for one man....He is not a god. The way we celebrate his legacy and forget the ones that gone before also sickens me. I fear for my country when we take away the honor that is due to men like Washington and Lincoln and give it to a man who represents only one segment of the population. Yes, the man in question did bring to the forefront the rancor and malice that some had against this segment. That's a good thing, but I'm sure he's probably rolling in his grace for all the fuss that is being made in his name.

I know you have heard the recordings of his speeches. I can't be certain of his whole heart, but am certain that he would have felt very uncomfortable with the focus being on him. Plenty of others before and since he left this world have left their mark. It's a shame when no one recognizes the huge marks both Lincoln and Washington have left on this country.

Unselfish love-Can it be real?

It's Valentine's Day. Love in its various forms comes to mind especially this day. Most of us when we think about love, we think about the kind of love that happens between a man and a woman. That can be good if it's not perverted to its lowest form. Selfless love between a man and a woman takes a lot of hard work and dedication. You have to get out of the mindset that you are the ultimate decision maker. This is hard. All of us want to be our own decision makers. We struggle when we feel that our needs are not being satisfied.

I thought a lot about the example that Jesus gave us when he sacrificed himself for us. His love was and still is an unselfish love. It boggles the mind to think about all he has done for us. Sometimes you question its realness. Could it possibly be real that he could love us so much to die? What can we do that will reflect our gratitude for everything he's provided and been?

We can love each other by listening and not judging the people around us. We can reach out and touch someone. When we do this, then we reflect God's love.

Desperate times

Some tell us that we're living in desperate times. Signs all around reflect that mentality. Can we pick ourselves up? Yes. We can move on. Right now it may seem that everything is dark and gloomy. We hear the despair in the voices around us. Yet we can't give in to them. There is a light. We can't see it now, but it's there.

Some tell us that we are nothing, and that we should take whatever rope is hanging in front of us to take. They don't know us. Only God does. Yes, it is okay to be nervous about the direction life is taking us. We can't, however, act out of desperation anymore.

Some tell us that we are fools for bucking the changes. Their desperation shows on their faces. Yes, it is scary...but it would be even more scary not to do this now.

We are not fools. Our lives will not be dictated by any government or corporate entity that decides to use its people like slaves or serfs without any recourse for redress of grievances. We follow a higher authority....an authority that respects everyone.

Looking for a safe harbor from life's storms

This past week has been rough for me. I see the cracks on the walls and wonder if I will still have a house when everything settles down. I can't seem to settle down. So many wallow in despair. I am one of them. I am wallowing in my own pit of despair. Light seems so far away. Scriptures say "stop complaining." I try. It seems insurmountable and unattainable...this mountain I must climb. My soul has been rubbed raw by the words that hit my ears like driving rain.

I reach out and feel the support of my family. They know my struggles and my desire for a safe harbor. They have been there, being tossed and thrown from one place to another. I fear for those that threaten to take away my identity. They will realize that identity can't be stolen. I am God's child. He is my safe harbor from life's storms.

Times that try a person's soul

Often you have to step back and wonder what is going on inside a person's head to do what they do. They cite things that they think will make you say "yes", little realizing all you want to do is strangle them (not literally) for even thinking that way. You don't, of course, even though they can hear your sighs of frustration and anger. "Let it go." It's easy enough to say, but not so easy to do.

These are times that try a person's soul. Everyone is up in arms about something. You can't turn around without hearing about some poor soul murdered for food. You wonder what this world is coming to, but then realize that Satan has this world in his grip.

Yes, I can see the hurt. I feel overwhelmed by the pain I see in the faces all around me. Fear paralyzes them. I know that fear. I thank God for his protection every day. Will the time come when the Lord takes us home? Yes. He expects us to be prepared to meet him. How do I meet the needs of the people around me? I don't know. I can only trust God to help me and lead me in the way I should go. I'll leave the time to him.

Monotony dulls the senses

Funny when you think about your day to day experiences, you often think of the monotony of doing the same things over and over again. You tell yourself that tomorrow will be better. You tell others that you don't mind waiting around for a while. You don't. Yet eventually the monotony of it all dulls the senses. You don't think the way you thought before. There is no excitement, only dread.

You war against the feeling that seeps inside. You can't help feeling that you need some excitement, some spark of life. January, it seems, is a month that tends to start with excitement for the new year which quickly dies. Is there anything to do about it? No. You just have to hold on...think about the future....dream like you used to do before the information overload buried you.

Sadly, most of us let our dreams overtake us. We long for something we can't have.

Time passages

It seems like only yesterday when I started this blog, but it's been two years. My basic premise when I started was to focus in on time. I've always had a intense fascination with time. I think it comes from an experience I had when I was seven years old back in 1970. That year seemed special to me, even though nothing really special happened. Some will recall that year as the year that Apollo 13 almost had that horrible accident in space. Others will recall the Kent State shooting and all that entailed, but since I was only seven...nothing really special happened....except I relived that year twice.

Yes, I know what you are thinking right about now. How can you go through a year twice? I did. I remember certain things that happened during that first 1970 that didn't happen during the second 1970. One of the biggest is Apollo 13. When I first read the history book that year (I was a precocious child) I noticed that the book clearly said that the Apollo program skipped over the number 13 due to superstitions. When I read it again (second 1970) Apollo 13 was mentioned along with its near disastrous results. I remember feeling a chill go up and down my spine. This, of course, wasn't the only clue I had but it was the biggest. It was like going through a time passage....

A New Year's resolution

Every year around this time you make these New Year resolutions. You know the ones. You decide to take the "bull by the horns" and do what you always wanted to do. Then it all falls apart, and you weep for what might have been. How much easier it would be not to make any resolutions. Instead you work towards meaningful and measurable goals.

What are those goals, you may ask? You wonder if you will be able to accomplish them. You can't dwell on the negative because that will drag you down. Instead you concentrate on the positive. This is hard. Our natural tendency is to dwell on the negative, not the positive.

We need to fight that natural tendency, and decide for ourselves to focus in on the positive aspects of a story instead of the ugly ones. Maybe by doing this we can create a meadow of sunshine and flowers.