Transforming Ourselves For A New Life

It has only been since my parents died last year that I've had to change my whole outlook on life. I was no longer a caregiver as I had been since 2012 in some form. I no longer had to worry about what my parents may think of what I was doing and why. I realized a lot of things that I depended on were now gone too. It was and in some ways still is a scary time.

This transformation of myself takes time. I don't have all the answers about what's going to happen to me in the long term. That may be a good thing. We were never meant to stress ourselves out over the future. Yes, admittedly I still struggle with the feeling of loss. I guess I may never get over it completely. I struggle to fit into this new life that I've been thrust into through the death of my parents. I've had to learn slowly to create a new pattern and find a new direction.

Some days it just feels overwhelming. New technological breakthroughs are happening too quickly for me to grasp. Employers seem to expect too much or not enough. I am fighting my way through the morass trying to find a foothold. It isn't easy.

Transformation takes time. No one wants to acknowledge this fact. It doesn't happen in a second. It doesn't happen automatically. It can't be forced. Yes, it can happen and be beautiful when it happens.

What will that new life be like? I often wonder. I see the ugliness now of this world that seemingly grows worse by the day. Is this transforming power something to be grasped? I don't know. I only recall vaguely that unless we die to our old selves we can't live. It is a continuing process I understand. We are transformed daily, either through the sordid junk that we surround ourselves with or through the pure words of God's written word.

We have lost something precious in the past forty years. Growing up in the "me" culture where traditional worship has gone by the wayside I really didn't realize what was missing. I now have an inkling. I can see the loss of stability as clear as day.

The older generations understand this loss better than we do. They were solidly taught the morals and standards that guided this nation from the beginning. We weren't because some of our parents rebelled against those morals and standards. We are the byproduct of their rebellious ways. I do see some glimmers of hope in this current generation. They see what has happened to us. Some have come to embrace the old morals that have been uncovered. They find that there is no going back or moving forward.