I took the week off last week to prepare myself for the changes that would soon take place. I wanted to reflect on what I've done in the past. I also wanted to understand what tools I had in the present to prepare for the future. This beginning isn't going to be easy. I'm going to have to relearn somethings, let go off other things and step out into the unknown.
All the signs are there. I know I have to stop sitting on this fence waiting for stuff to happen. This new life is a bit scary. I admit that I do sometimes hate change. I like having some control. Yet right now I'm realizing that I never really had any control. The things that have happened and are happening in my life now are because God ordained them to be. I sometimes get so tense and stubborn about things that I can't see anything.
This chapter of my life can be exciting as I reach out to learn new stuff. I don't have to let people label me as too old to do stuff. I am going to stop making excuses that I can't do this or that. I know my body is changing. I know that the world is running scared. I can't let the world rule me. I have to let God rule me.
I'm not sure what my next steps will be. I do question whether I should go back to school again or avail myself of the free courses available online. What will I study? There is just so much information out there! My head is spinning with the possibilities. I sometimes feel frozen wondering why I still can't focus on what I want out of life.
I step out into the unknown feeling a bit queasy inside. It has been a long time since I stretched myself this way. I think I've been afraid to do much. It has been way too easy to dismiss the new life I'm now living here. There will be some adjustments. It is all a beginning.
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