I did it. I put the packet in the mail and got a call from the welfare office. I knew that they were going to have to get me to justify the reasons why I needed the benefits. I was prepared to answer as best I could, but it still felt uncomfortable. I felt that I had to fight for relevancy.
I'm frustrated and tired. I do feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Yes, I am employed. Yes, I am not making enough to support myself. No, I haven't had a "real" job for a while. No, I can't justify my existence...(well maybe not that question...but it does feel like being racked over the coals) It should be easy. Yet I still feel guilty for even asking for help now. I should have a job.
I don't want to be in this position. Who does? Why would anyone want to grovel and beg for assistance? I want to be able to sustain myself and my family. I don't like having to justify my existence.
Yet I can see some light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. I keep telling myself that this is only temporary. I will have something soon that will support me. I must keep pushing and knocking on doors to get the word out. I know that I have to do what I can.
Will something happen soon? I don't honestly know. The questions still remain. How do we remain relevant in a world that has increasingly gone blind to community? What must we do to make the younger generation aware of their heritage? Is there some way we can make some revenue off honest and clean entertainment? I don't know. I just know I can't get involved in games of chance or condone the drinking.
So what do I do? Oh, Lord....I just don't know. I need your help.
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