Going on Welfare: This is only temporary

Yup, you read the title right. I picked up the paperwork today and will fill it out tomorrow. I have no choice. I'm running on "fumes" now with no job prospects in sight. I can console myself that this is only temporary and that I've done the best that I could to keep out of it. I just don't see any way that I can avoid this necessary step. My recent bout with a bug that I'm really still getting over has convinced me that I need to go on welfare.

Anyone who knows me knows that this decision hasn't come lightly. I have fought the good fight, scoured the job boards and talked to people I know about my situation. I'm not even sure that I'll be accepted for welfare, but I do know that I need it now.

I know that the job interviews I had didn't pan out because I just don't have what they need. I've been out of the job market for too long, except for my work with the society and my writing. It is hard to admit that I failed so miserably in finding work. Going on welfare doesn't mean that I'm giving up looking for work....It is a requirement to receive benefits to at least show you're trying.

I can only speculate what happened to get me in the financial bind that I'm in now. I can be thankful for support from my family and my friends. I know that they are in some ways facing the same financial crisis that I am. I don't come from a rich family. We struggled at times to make ends meet. I know that the Lord provides for me. That's why I know that I need to do this for my sake and for my family's sake.

It is the right thing to do. I have to keep telling myself that. I do feel guilty to even ask. I am for the most part able-bodied, yet there are certain jobs I just can't do. I can't lift 25 pounds easily. I don't work well at night. I need to find a daytime job....one that allows me to grow...yet I know that I am at the point where I just need to accept anything as long as it pays money.

Sometimes I just want to ask God why....but then I realize that I wouldn't have met any of the people that I've met in the past almost four years if I'd been employed in a regular job. I wouldn't have had any of these great ideas or been a sounding board for others who are struggling as I am to understand why things have gotten so bad.