Yes, I do see some faint light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Things are starting to open up, but I am still desperate. Three weeks more and I'll just have to "bite the bullet" and succumb to government pressure. You might be saying right now that I should give up now. Tempting as that is, I can't...not yet.
Only the Lord knows what will happen. I know this. I can't sleep at night though worrying about my appending financial ruin. It's very hard for me. I can't seem to get the support I need to pull myself out of this deep dark financial pit.
Yes, it is at the lowest depth that we see God clearly. I can honestly say that I don't regret this time of unemployment and extreme underemployment. I met a lot of nice people who are also struggling. I've been able for short periods of time take my eyes off my rapidly deteriorating situation. I discover some new purposes in life as well. Unfortunately I seem to be dragging back to the slime pit I build for myself over the past four years.
Sometimes it just doesn't seem that long since I had steady employment and money coming in. Yet it has been. Do I regret not staying with that corporation? No. I can honestly say that I don't regret it. I wasn't treated right there, and I needed to leave.
I can't speculate what would have happened if I decided to let the corporation degrade me and take a paycut while working as a virtual slave. Some might say that I deserved being treated that way. I took the high ground though and they respected that. Could I have done things better? Again...I just can't speculate. I just have to leave things as they are, knowing that I've learned some valuable lessons.
Yes, I am desperate...but I am still holding on....and hoping for a miracle. God knows I need one right now.
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