Breaking the Ice Jam or Trying to Fit In Without Looking Like A Fool

You know when you have one of those weeks. One day it feels like everything is going right in your world. The next day it feels like the world is coming to an end. I had one this past week. I could say that I was worn out from all the tension and stress that I've been under for so long. I could say that I have been blessed in so many ways. Both scenarios are true statements. It almost like trying to break an ice jam...not that I've ever had that opportunity. You try and try to make someone listen. Nothing works. You feel like a fool because you've grown so much in the past two and half years that the cliches in the corporate world don't fit you any more.

Yet you keep trying. You see that others have fit in. You wonder if you are just too behind the times for anyone to listen to you. You need someone to listen. You need people to care about what happening to you. You feel awful selfish for trying to push past the obstacles that ensnare you in their trap.

I do have a feeling that things will change for me soon. Will it be a huge change? I don't know. All I do know that I can't pretend anymore to like certain things just so I can be gainfully employed. I can't lie either...it just isn't in my nature. I pray daily for a break and sign that I'm going in the right direction. It is hard. The pressure is constant and ongoing to find something quickly. How? I wonder if I'll ever fit in to someone's perception of a perfect employee.

I continue to look for meaningful work. I know that there is a definite deadline here for me to find work. Lord knows that I need to work to support myself. I can't continue in my current state for much longer. The ice jam of obstacles to my employment will break soon. It has to...

Trying to Make Sense of it All: Another Lesson in Humility

I had a historical society meeting tonight. It wasn't well attended. Questions were asked about why but I really couldn't answer them. It just doesn't make sense. There seemed to be such an interest, but no one really wants to do that hard work. I have a core group of pretty amazing guys that are so totally involved. Maybe that's all I need.

I can't stress out over the non response that I've received. It shouldn't matter whether or not you attend a meeting, but it does. I am learning to let go. I am learning not to take things to heart. I can get through this and move forward.

All I can honestly say is that I'm doing the best I can. All I can do is what is in front of me to do. All I can ask is that God grant me what I need.

It is hard to be humble sometimes when grand ideas take shape. It is equally hard to watch those dreams go up in smoke. I know that there are many people on the sidelines who really want to help, but I haven't been able to give them the tools they need. I know that there are some who have just literally "dropped out of sight." What do you do with those who just ignore the messages? How do you make it all attractive and interesting? I don't know. I am still trying to make sense of it all.

I do long for reasonable, long lasting, dependable employment. I am at the end of my rope here. I also need to be humble about what is out there for me.

Floating and Dreaming of An Unstressful life

We had our first taste of fall this week when the weather changed. We also had our first days long rain storm. Thankfully we didn't get the floods South Carolina is getting. I am so grateful for that.

I have been stressing out too much lately. Worrying about things I have no control over and wondering why God is silent to my pleas.

I have yet to learn the lessons God is trying to teach me about trusting him for all things. I try too much to twist the outcome that I can't see what's right in front of me. I know that I can have that unstressful life. I can dream of a life that has some meaning. I don't have to settle for something I don't want or need. This is freeing.

Yes, I am still on the financial edge I've been in for a long time. Yes, my prospects for employment in a corporation are dim. No, I'm not giving up on finding meaningful work. No, I am not going to succumb to despair and melancholy.

I will rejoice in what I do have. I will honor and respect the people around me. I will continue to reach out and talk to others.

Lord is with me. He will guide me in the way I should go. I know I need help to follow his leading. I know that I can't do anything on my own.

I can love him because he first loved me. I can know him because he first knew me and still knows me. I can serve him because he first served me. He miraculously saved me from myself and my foolish pride. His ways are past my understanding. I can place my burdens on him as he knows my needs before I do.

He is my Rock and my Mighty Deliverer. He is my Savior and my God. I can trust him with my future because he hold my future in his strong capable hands. Oh, Lord....please forgive my doubt and help me let go of the weight of stress and worry that robs me of the love you so graciously pour out. Let me not turn my back on those who need you. Help me to see others through your eyes. I am so unworthy of your love, Lord. Thank you for loving me.