Feeling like a Time Warrior fighting against time and space

Strange title...right...but true. Yesterday the hospital sent me another outrageous bill for services they didn't perform. When I called them up, they told me that they were right. What I wouldn't give to turn back time, stop my next door neighbor from taking me to the emergency room and let myself bleed! If I had known then, what I know now....I would have run to the store, got bandages and left it alone. I know what you're thinking....boy, would that have been foolish!.....I know I did the right thing, but am still angry because I had no recourse but to go...then they literally "soaked" me....ruining my credit and any chance of getting employment...THANK YOU!!!!

I do feel that I'm standing on a ledge staring out into space waiting for the end. Yes, I know there's a reason why I'm going through this fiery trial. I know that it has really opened my eyes to the massive corruption and greed hospitals and doctors operate in. Yes, I know that there are good hospitals and doctors out there that won't charge you exorbitant fees for little service. I don't know where they are.

I know there is a light in this tunnel. I trust God that he will see me through it. Yet it's very hard now looking down at this abyss wondering what will happen next. I long for security, a good paying job and stability. The Lord knows this, yet he's opening my eyes to others who are even now going under because of the rotten healthcare system that causes people to go homeless so they can get free healthcare! I shake my head in amazement at the audacity of such people! Blood is on their heads for taking people's livelihood to pander to their own needs! The Lord sees your greed and callousness, and you will be destroyed.

Trying to remain positive in a negative world

When you're facing difficult circumstances, it'v very hard to remain positive. You want to throw up your hands and give up. You don't because what you're doing is too important. You can't let the negative people drag you down to their world. I know. I'm facing an insurmountable task with the event that I've planned for September. How do I get people excited enough about it? I don't know.

There are times when I just feel like giving up literally. Why am I pressing this? Why do I care? Maybe it's because I don't want to see it all disappear. I know that I'm not the right person. I feel very inadequate for the job....especially now in the midst of all these barriers.

Will they leave me all alone to do this task? Oh, Lord....help me to do your will and not my own. I really want to help get this community out of its slump. I know there are others that feel the same way. Open my eyes to see them.

Reflecting on leaving a legacy

I reached a pretty big milestone yesterday. Some may be persuaded to think that I should be celebrating it, and some do. I've never really been that big on celebrating milestones, except when I'm celebrating someone else's milestone. I have gotten to the point in my life that I'm more into leaving a legacy than in accumulating stuff. I'm realizing that I need to start getting out of the "me" hole and finding out what others need. It hasn't been easy for me. I know everyone has in their own way tried to help, and I definitely appreciate it.

Yet I can't help thinking about what my next steps are. Should I just get something that I may totally hate doing just to have a job? Or should I continue to reach out and search for the one position where I feel I'm really making a difference in someone's life? I know where I want to go with this historical society, and I know that this could be a good way to leave a legacy behind when I'm no longer around.

When you reach a certain age, those thoughts about what is no longer there permeate and you start to realize that the world you thought would always be there is no longer there. It's a scary feeling. I guess that's why I like to retreat into history sometimes. It's permanent and it's not going to change....only the buildings disappear.

I'm grateful for the people I've met over this year and half of unemployment. Yet I yearn for a job, and desperately need the money because everything is going up....and there's the ever looming threat of being out on the street. I know a few who are only a few short steps away from that and it's scary. So...what legacy will I leave behind? What do I want my little nieces to remember about me? I know what I want them to remember....that I love the Lord God and that I've faithfully followed him. I want them to know that God loves them, but he hates sinners.....so I'd want them to know that the Word of God is the ultimate authority and everything in it is true no matter what someone tries to tell you about it or how that they twist it to serve their own purposes. I want them to know that I love them, but hate the sin(s) that they're exposed to on a daily basis and wish them to call on God to eradicate them from their young lives. I want them to see Christ in me and want what I have in him most of all. The road isn't easy, but it's a good one....and a good legacy to leave behind.

Fighting the Financial Medical Monster

I got one of the biggest shocks in my life yesterday when I opened the mail. Inside were two enormous bills for medical services that I've ever received in my life. Once I got over the shock, I was very angry. How could they possibly even think I would play literally thousands of dollars for what little service I received! It's unconscionable and just plain wrong to charge anyone thousands of dollars for bandages, a tetanus shot and a couple of antibiotics. Yes, I am going to fight this. I believe I need to fight it, not just for me but for the others that are being literally "socked" with medical bills that they can't even begin to pay. I say "enough!"

Because of this, there's a very real possibility that my credit rating will be ruined. It is a small comfort that there are others out there that are facing even worse scenarios than I am. It is also comforting to know that there are people willing to help me fight this financial medical monster. I don't know as yet if I'll need a lawyer or not to help me fight these outrageous bills. I hope not.

Will the new healthcare law resolve this? They tout that it will, yet I have a sinking feeling that more and more people will be "socked" with medical bills that they can't even begin to pay.

I do thank the Lord for opening my eyes again to this increasingly dire situation, and pray for a quick solution and victory over the financial medical monster we call the medical profession...namely hospitals, doctors and nurses.