My first lesson for the new year was that I needed to abandon everything to God. I couldn't hang onto my worries and fears for the future. I had to let them go. I had to live in this moment. It is a hard thing to do, this abandonment. There are so many things even now that try to steal my sanity and my identity. I can't let them. At the end of the day, they are only things and God is God. Once I get past the feeling that I need to be in control, I can move on and live for the Lord.
It seems so simple, yet I know in my own experience it can be difficult as well. You come to the point in your life that you know that you can't waste another moment wallowing in a pit of despair. You have to look up from that abyss and reach out for the hand that is waiting for you to grasp it. We can't hesitate any longer for time is short. I do feel that even more as each day passes. No one has any guarantee that they will see another sunrise or have the opportunity to witness to others about God's great love for us.
I am still learning daily that I need to give everything up, be willing to leave it all behind and deny my own selfish desires. Some days are easier than others because of all the negative stuff I hear. Other days I long to hold onto with all my might. I admittedly at times am at a crossroads. I'm eager to see the Lord face to face but anxious that I'm not worthy to stand in his presence. There are many things that I have done I know that I regret doing. So I'm thankful that the Lord has forgiven me and I've been able to move on.
I won't make any New Year's resolutions. I will, however, work on a heart renovation by looking out for others before I look out for myself.
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