It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

Yes, I am grateful. I am still alive, still healthy even as I go through this emotional roller coaster of  a life. It's funny you never really see things for what they are until you see them through someone else. We're all blinded by things that don't really matter in the grand scheme. I have tried to rationalize my feelings, but they are so subjective and apt to steer me wrong. I know I've been stressed out wondering why God has placed me in the situation I'm now in. Some of you know what I'm going through with my current lack of employment. Yet I believe it is more than that. I can't pin it down right now, but can only say that if anyone had ever seen "Future Shock" either at school or somewhere else....then they would feel the same way. The feeling that there is no permanence in the world is what rapid change does to the world.

I do have hope though. The Lord sustains me and in his word is the permanence I long for in my life.

Time to be Grateful

Yes, I now realize that I've been having a "grumpy" fest lately. I've been so absorbed by all the negative stuff that's been going on in my life that I've forgotten the positive. It is time to be grateful. It is time to stop putting out these negative feelings. No one needs to know those negative thoughts anymore. They just don't. So starting right now I will be grateful for at least one good thing in my life.

I know it will be hard at first to think positively when everyone around you is responding to things negatively. It can't be a chore for you to do. It can't be something someone forces you to do. It has to be something you want to do. More importantly it should be something that you can look at and respond to in a positive way. Yes, I know that's tough too. The world wants to pull you down with it.

Here's the key.....Close your eyes. Think of one thing that you would miss if you didn't have it. Now imagine life without it. Would it be rough? If so, then praise God you have that thing. Right now, I'm grateful for friends and family, my health, food and shelter.

I know what you are thinking....that's easy. Yes, but here comes the hard part. We also should be grateful for the bad stuff that happens to us. I forgot that too readily this past year. I am grateful though for the hard times, even when they try my soul.

Wishing I could go back in time

I'm having one of those weeks. Yes, you know what I mean...or maybe you don't. My head is spinning from all the changes taking place in the world around me. I heard too much, mourned too much and thought too much about the unfortunate souls that haunt the byways of the city which I've grown to hate. Yes, I know that is a strong word. Sometimes, especially when I encounter a dozen of these unfortunate souls, I just want to scream at the injustice of it all. Why I ask myself do things have to be like this? Why can't everyone have a place to live, enough food to eat and be a productive member of society? This is a hard lesson. The Lord said that we would always have the poor with us. Yet my stomach still twists when I realize that I could be in that same situation. It is my greatest fear. I have to tell myself hourly that the Lord has provided and will continue to provide.

I wish I could go back in time. Life seemed so much simpler before the turn of the twentieth century. Back then you were blissfully ignorant of world events, and you could distance yourself from them. Back then everyone worked, even children! Wrap your mind around that....now everyone seems to be out of work and scrambling to find something, myself included.

I often fantasize what it would have been like if Teddy Roosevelt never got elected President or no one thought of this Progressive movement. Would our world been different? I believe it would have. Some of the reforms pushed through Congress wouldn't have passed. Others would have been modified to reflect the more Christian morals that were emphasized back in the 1800s. Yes, I can see that. Yet I know that the Lord let us have our own way, and we've paid for it ten-fold through the past 100 years or so. There would be no healthcare "prison" and no way someone can force you to do something that goes against your moral beliefs. That's another of my fears....having no choice over my own health and well-being.

Feeling sick and tired-but I'm not quitting

I had another "shock" this week. One that I should have expected, but didn't. Right now I'm feeling very sick and tired of every "bureaucrat" that tells you that "Oh, no...you can't do that!" I wonder to myself, "Why not?" I get no answer. I tried to be honest. I'm guessing honesty doesn't pay. Yet I can't help thinking that if I wasn't honest, I would have been "burnt" anyway. So I'm not quitting, as much as I would like to do that right about now.

I know the Lord has a plan for me. Right now it's very hard to see it. I know that too many are going through similar issues and have cried out for help. I also know that I am grateful for all those that are and continue to support me through this dark time. Will I survive it? Right now I don't know that either. All I do know is that I need to trust God to see me through this and provide that place where I can be secure once again and be able to provide for myself and for those I love.

Yes, I freely admit that I'm going through a crisis. Thankfully it isn't, as yet, a serious crisis. I need someone to come alongside me and tell me that everything is going to work out. I need a sign to reassure my flagging spirit that is feeling sick that I'm going in the right direction. Right now it just seems as if everything is falling down around me. Yet I do know that I will get through this period of stress and anxiety that right now is zapping my strength with the Lord's help and guidance.

So I am crying for help. My greatest fears are looming before me, and I don't know if I can stand by myself. Lord, please help me to find that security and stability I need in you. Help me to fight those that would drag me down with them and support those who need me. I need you, Lord.

Freedom deterred-End times

As I sit here writing this blog, I realize that I have so much freedom now. I have freedom to express my opinions about a host of issues. Yet even now my freedom is being deterred. How you may ask? It's fairly simple actually. Because people do have all this freedom, sometimes no one counts the cost. There is one. As most in the United States have now realized there is a cost. All of us must choose whether or not to give up our freedoms so everyone can have what they need. Freedom requires sacrifice.

What most have not realized however is that by accepting the control, we give up our freedom to be. Yes, I know all the arguments for and against the huge change taking place in our government. Yes, I know about all the good things that will and have happened because that law was accepted. I also know that something must be done. I don't have the answers to what should and shouldn't be done, but I have a queer feeling deep down inside that tells me that what the government is doing is terribly wrong. Why you may ask? When the government starts getting involved in the well-being of a person and dictating who should and shouldn't live and die, there's a real problem. Yes, I know that it doesn't sound like that now. I know all the arguments that all that is happening is good. I have to wonder though why so many are "up in arms" about it. What do we know about all the provisions of this law? Nothing.

Here's the scary part.....we're taking a giant leap towards having the government dictate our every move and decide who gets served. The equipment is here for doing this. In Revelation 13:16-18(KJV) "And he causeth all, small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of a man, and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. I don't about you, but that's the main reason why I have a really bad feeling about this whole situation.

We must all prepare for what's coming. Then pray for those who don't know the Lord.