Why I only wear a mask when I step in a store; Maskaphobia is real

I know that many of you are concerned about my health. You wonder why I take the risk of exposing myself to this virus. You may have also wondered about the effects that mask wearing has on me. I can honestly say that I have a mild case of maskaphobia. If you are wondering what maskaphobia is, the most simplistic explanation is that I have a fear of masks, specifically of people wearing masks and the act of wearing a mask myself.

It is thankfully a mild case, one that I'm very slowly working on gaining control over through prayer. I won't say it has been easy for me to see the pictures of people wearing masks on television or to encounter people on the street or in the store wearing them. I do understand the reasoning behind it, but I think that is part of the reasoning behind why I have this maskaphobia. To me the mask symbolizes fear of the virus and being oppressed.

You can try to talk me out of this fear by citing numbers that tell you that the masks are working to slow the virus down. Unfortunately at this point I just don't believe you, and that just increases the fear for me. I experience that feeling every time I put the mask on to go into the store. You can imagine that my heart races, and I get short of breath when I feel that mask cover my nose and mouth. I try to take deep breaths right before I have to put the mask on. It does help. I've gotten used to it, but still find myself pulling it down off my face after a few minutes.

I don't like the stares I get when I do that, so I try to avoid looking at people while maintaining that six feet social distance. I do find myself rushing through the store, hoping that I can avoid running into anyone at times. I also feel a deep need to say something to someone to hurry them up. I can't stand in long lines as I get too antsy and anxious. (I'm figuring that this is a definite sign of maskaphobia.) I don't like that feeling, and try my best to reign it in as much as possible. I have noticed that the people in front and behind me have been more than generous in letting me go in front of them. I've also noticed that I've been so fortunate enough to be able to get out quickly enough that my maskaphobia doesn't get too bad.

I wasn't like this before the mandatory mask wearing. I never had any issues with people wearing masks before now. I have to chalk it up to the massive changes that happened so quickly which I now associate with the mandatory masks and lock downs. Yes, it is good to admit that fear sometimes overwhelms me. Yet I do know that God forgives me for that fear, and will support me through it.