Feeling Overwhelmed and Out of Touch

Today I resolved to stop wallowing, and do something about my current situation. I figured that by taking some action I might be able to see what direction I should go. Unfortunately with the rapid changes that have happened over the past three months, I'm feeling overwhelmed and out of touch. I could basically give it all up, and start trying to apply for welfare again. I've gone that route, but was kicked off after I didn't fill out the form correctly. I have been fortunate though because God has provided for me.

I know that I do have to start moving to find at least one income stream. I also know that I have to stop being so resistant to the changes that are happening. It isn't easy. I don't like having to depend on the Internet to do everything. I don't like having to use electronic means to get things I need. It is frustrating. Yet I do want to learn to do something that will make me some money. I don't want to have to depend on the government for my sustenance.

The problem is that I'm having some difficulties deciding what free courses I should take. There are so many! I know I need some training in order to gain employment, but not sure what type of training I need. It is almost like being in a library and having to choose a favorite book. I miss the library, and the excitement of finding that perfect book.

There is going to be a lot to get used to once the libraries are open again. I fear that I probably won't be able to sit for an hour or more and read like I used to do. I fear that the books that I want to do research on will be gone. The transformation of libraries as community centers will be complete with no physical books...sigh.

I am feeling out of touch with these new digital offerings. I hate the push that some companies are taking to get everyone on line, and using electronic means of payment. I guess hate is too strong a word. Yet I resent that some companies are going out of their way not to accept physical currency. They are even encouraging kids to pick up the bad habits of their parents by using cards for purchases.

I am overwhelmed by the deterioration of our major cities, seemingly overnight as riots break out. I don't understand it, but I pray for those who are defending us against the thugs. I do wish that things would go back to where they were back in February. It is a foolish dream. Things won't be back to that normal for a very long time. My mind does have a hard time accepting this. I do tend to "shut down" when things start going "south."