Looking for a Ray of Hope and a Sense of Purpose

If you have been following this blog for a little while you probably know of my struggle. It is hard to keep moving when it seems that everything is going south. I have tried time and time again to hang onto that ray of hope. You know that it is increasingly more difficult to find the good in all the rubbage that is flying around. I would justify myself for the trapped feeling I have whenever I try to find some purpose in my life.

The Lord knows my struggle. I know that he is in control but sometimes it is very hard. I look diligently trying to see outside my own little world. I know that I don't want to go back to what I was, a very selfish and self-centered person. Yet this world's message keeps hammering away. It tells me that I shouldn't be thinking of others, but have the mentality of "me first." It also keeps telling me that I'm too old and too run down. I sometimes feel myself agreeing with that statement. I do feel like I'm being torn in two balancing between two different worlds.

I do have to remind myself that I am created in God's image. I am his daughter. He has me in the palm of his loving hand. Jesus has overcome the world. I was created for his glory, not my own glory.

Yet I am still so selfish. I have difficulty saying things and struggle for the right words. I selfishly want that feeling of doing something meaningful and name worthy. I know it is a struggle we all face. We don't like to admit it. We shy away from it. We may even reject it outright by trying unsuccessfully to be pious. I have to be honest. Yes, I sometimes love attention. I like being the center of attention too.

It is hard when you feel the walls closing in on you. You wonder if you really actually belong anywhere. You do. God has placed you where you are for a reason. You do have a purpose in life. Keep looking for that ray of hope as it dawns. Stop struggling with stuff you can't understand. Thank the Lord for each day.