Moving Higher and Going Deeper into My Soul

This week was a soul searching week. I discovered that I can move on from the sting of rejection and defeat. I know that my financial situation is getting more precarious by the day, but I still have hope. I am learning to reach out and use my resources. It won't be easy to get out of this pit that I've found myself in.

Yet even in this pit I know that the Lord is with me. I am moving higher now out of the despair that I allowed to seep into my soul. I am stronger than I was last week at this time. I can handle the pressure more now than I could then.

I am learning to step out of the pit and go deeper into my soul. It is scary. The Lord knows me. He knows my fears and doubts. I can remain secure in him.

I don't want to go back to what I was before I lost my job in 2012. I don't want to be someone that ignores the pain and walks away. I want to be what God has created me to be, a compassionate and loving person. I want to hear the Lord say to me; "Well Done Good and Faithful Servant."

So I work diligently and press forward to find my calling and ministry. God knows how much I need to feel needed. Thank you for loving me, Lord God.

Another obstacle in the Road-Choices to Be Made

As much as I'm thankful for all the support I'm receiving I still feel a bit lost. I received a blow to my ego today and felt the ground fall beneath my feet. A income source suddenly dried up. It was my only income source. I am crushed but not forsaken. I know that the Lord has something better for me. Yet at this moment I am in a panic mode. There are some choices to be made. Choices that I'm struggling to make.

It is a huge obstacle in the road. I'm not sure where to turn or what to do. Lord knows that I need income. My heart aches now that this income stream has dried up. I know I have to pick myself up and do the hard things that I've been putting off hoping to continue this income stream indefinitely. Yes, you may call me a fool for hoping that it would continue. Yes, you may say that I should have seen this coming and prepared for it.

How do you prepare for yet another bruising of confidence and the feeling that things have fallen all apart? I relate to the recent Oh My Soul song by Casting Crowns. Right now it is so hard to lay it down and not worry about how I am going to recover from this loss. I know that I am not alone, yet I fear that I'm just not strong enough to handle all the stresses that are weighing me down. I am admittedly scared and it's not a good feeling. I have to trust that God's got this and he will open up a revenue stream for me.

Reflecting on Christ's Sacrifice for me

In the Christian world the period known as "Holy Week" is actually only four days from Thursday evening until Sunday morning. If you take the time to really reflect on those four (actually three days) you do come out with a better and richer understanding of the Lord's sacrifice. I have been reflecting a lot on the passages in Matthew that describe the afternoon before the Lord's supper. It is necessary to reflect on the meaning of Passover whenever you read these passages.

It is only when you take time to reflect on what happened and get a good context in history that you really can comprehend the meaning of the Lord's sacrifice. I find tiny nuggets of gold every time I read the Easter passages in Matthew and Mark. I become overwhelmed by the extreme sacrifice fully knowing that I couldn't take his place. He is strong when I am weak.

It still boggles my mind a bit when I concentrate on these passages. I can't help but stand in awe of his unfailing love for me. I admittedly have some times questioned why the Lord had to sacrifice himself for my sins. It just seemed too inhumane. Yet I read again that without the shedding of blood there can be no redemption. It was his blood that redeemed me.

I am not special. I am a sinner saved by God's grace. I understand all too well that he didn't have to sacrifice himself. He could have walked away, yet he chose to suffer that horrible death. He chose to break the power of sin over my life.

He is now my advocate and the Lord of my soul. In him do I put my trust.