The organization I was hoping to work for didn't get back to me. Apparently I'm too desperate. I'm feeling really low right now. I just don't know what to do. This is very difficult for me to deal with and move on. Is the Lord hearing me? Does he know how much I need a job?
Am I still being too picky not wanting to expose my SS number online? A lot of the retailers require this anymore...sigh. Am I being too choosy about where to find a job? I don't know. Lord knows I want and need to work. Yes, I am desperate. It won't be that much longer until my funds are completely wiped out.
I know that there are so many others that are in worse shape than I am. I don't know what to do for them. I feel sick when I think about the future. I can't focus on what's going to happen tomorrow. I can only focus on today's needs. I am again giving it all to the Lord. He knows my needs. He knows my desires and longings. He loves me even when I don't feel it.
I am amazed when I think about all that he is doing for me. Yes, I'm in a very rough patch right now in my life. I don't know where my next footstep will be. All I can be certain of is that God is still providing for me. He brings people to me and loves me with an unconditional love.
I do need meaningful work that will support me and my family. I know that somehow the Lord will provide that work and the monetary needs. I have to believe that I will find that job soon and that this rough patch will break up.
Please be near me, Lord. Help me to find that elusive job and the support I need now for me and my family. I don't know if I can handle anymore of this "floating" and "struggling" to work something out. I need you, Lord.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Moving Forward and Pressing On
I had a better week this week. An opportunity to shine presented itself and I took it. I know that the organization needs me. I need them. I also know that it will be hard for them to pick the right candidate for the job. It is hard to wait and hope that they will see that they need me. I want to believe that they will and that everything will be okay.
I want to move forward with this major project as well. I got energized by the support from the group I joined awhile back. I know that I have to press on, finding support from unexpected places. I can't worry about the troubles around me. I can't worry about the looming crisis ahead of me if something doesn't happen soon. I can't worry about the people around me. I have to press on, leaving everything in God's hands. I got to move forward in his will, not mine. I got to open my eyes to meet the needs and find the resources I need to move forward.
Yes, I do feel that time is pressing. I pray for the Lord's soon coming. I admit that readily. I also pray that I will be ready to meet him face to face. I pray that I can reach the people he has placed in my life with the good news of salvation.
No, I can't stress out that technology seems to be taking over the world. God is in control. He knows his own. He knows when he will come to make all things new. I do look forward anxiously for that day as I pray for strength and courage to face the future. I know that God loves me. I know that he will spare me from his coming wrath. I know that all things are in his hands. I would be the worst of fools to believe that anything happens by chance or sheer luck. God ordains it.
With God's great love and his promises, I can move forward. I can tell others and show them that they don't have to wallow in the slimepit of sin and despair. I will press on with all the strength and courage God gives me. I can't quit. I can't recant. I will stand up.
I want to move forward with this major project as well. I got energized by the support from the group I joined awhile back. I know that I have to press on, finding support from unexpected places. I can't worry about the troubles around me. I can't worry about the looming crisis ahead of me if something doesn't happen soon. I can't worry about the people around me. I have to press on, leaving everything in God's hands. I got to move forward in his will, not mine. I got to open my eyes to meet the needs and find the resources I need to move forward.
Yes, I do feel that time is pressing. I pray for the Lord's soon coming. I admit that readily. I also pray that I will be ready to meet him face to face. I pray that I can reach the people he has placed in my life with the good news of salvation.
No, I can't stress out that technology seems to be taking over the world. God is in control. He knows his own. He knows when he will come to make all things new. I do look forward anxiously for that day as I pray for strength and courage to face the future. I know that God loves me. I know that he will spare me from his coming wrath. I know that all things are in his hands. I would be the worst of fools to believe that anything happens by chance or sheer luck. God ordains it.
With God's great love and his promises, I can move forward. I can tell others and show them that they don't have to wallow in the slimepit of sin and despair. I will press on with all the strength and courage God gives me. I can't quit. I can't recant. I will stand up.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Am I Just Fooling Myself?
I've had kind of a confusing week this week. I am still struggling with some issues that have come up. Sometimes I feel that I am fooling myself to think that anyone cares about history anymore. Other times I know that there is some interest. I just have to keep pressing.
I definitely feel at a crossroads in my life. There are forces threatening to tear me apart. I think about what I'm trying to accomplish quietly. I wonder if its all worth it. Should I continue to struggle? It's easier just to give in. I must not.
Am I fooling myself? Does anyone at all care? I know they do. I see it in the interaction I receive througn social media. I see it in the faces of my fellow officers. I know that they are tired. I sense that immediately.
I can dream. I wish that my dreams would come true. I don't know. It seems like such a long shot. It's crazy. We just can't do it, I tell myself.
I definitely feel at a crossroads in my life. There are forces threatening to tear me apart. I think about what I'm trying to accomplish quietly. I wonder if its all worth it. Should I continue to struggle? It's easier just to give in. I must not.
Am I fooling myself? Does anyone at all care? I know they do. I see it in the interaction I receive througn social media. I see it in the faces of my fellow officers. I know that they are tired. I sense that immediately.
I can dream. I wish that my dreams would come true. I don't know. It seems like such a long shot. It's crazy. We just can't do it, I tell myself.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Feeling at Loose Ends And Struggling Against Apathy
Yup....I have to admit... if just to myself... that I am feeling at loose ends. My freelance work does take up a lot of my time now. I also have a lot to do with the non-profit organization I run as a volunteer. It is hard to get people involved anymore. I do struggle with my own apathy about the whole situation and with other people who complain about the situation. Sometimes I do feel like screaming when I hear the abuse and complaints that are leveled at people who are only trying to preserve a way of life.
We recently celebrated 4th of July in my small hometown. It was a nice small parade with a few people who participated and a very small crowd on the sidewalks. The rain kept a lot of people away from the festivities at the park afterwards, but there was still a nice small crowd.
I do feel at a lost to gain enthusiasm for events at my small hometown. Everyone is feeling the pinch of unemployment or underemployment. The thing is that if you have no money to spend, you can't spend it. I know that this is a hard concept to master. You do have to make concessions for not being able to fund events anymore. I do feel bad. I definitely would like to contribute to making these hometown events memorable...but I can't.
I realize that a lot of the apathy comes for the young people who haven't a clue about their own local history. They don't really care either about what that building means or why we should save this building but not that one. It is pathetic to see and hear people complain about what the town used to look like...and not do anything at all to change the perception of the town.
It's all those loose ends. No one wants to address the preservation issues or why there are so many abandoned buildings in our hometown. They rather complain about those issues expecting that someone else will handle it. Unfortunately no one will.
We recently celebrated 4th of July in my small hometown. It was a nice small parade with a few people who participated and a very small crowd on the sidewalks. The rain kept a lot of people away from the festivities at the park afterwards, but there was still a nice small crowd.
I do feel at a lost to gain enthusiasm for events at my small hometown. Everyone is feeling the pinch of unemployment or underemployment. The thing is that if you have no money to spend, you can't spend it. I know that this is a hard concept to master. You do have to make concessions for not being able to fund events anymore. I do feel bad. I definitely would like to contribute to making these hometown events memorable...but I can't.
I realize that a lot of the apathy comes for the young people who haven't a clue about their own local history. They don't really care either about what that building means or why we should save this building but not that one. It is pathetic to see and hear people complain about what the town used to look like...and not do anything at all to change the perception of the town.
It's all those loose ends. No one wants to address the preservation issues or why there are so many abandoned buildings in our hometown. They rather complain about those issues expecting that someone else will handle it. Unfortunately no one will.
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